Donut Day!

well... its treat day again... donuts and muffins. I looked in the kitchen and ... never even bothered to go in and drool over them. :)

VICTORY!

Its another crazy day as I try to get ahead to go away. I'm swimming against the stream at the moment, and I've not had enough water yet today... going to get some now. That will help a lot.

Tonight after work I'm going to get on the treadmill and sweat it up! Then ... holiday time.

WOOOHOOOO

Failing at Failing!

I spent today typing up the start to three or four epic posts. It was a busy day at the office so I never fully got through a single one of them. But I did note the theme that ran throughout them all.

Failure.

All I talked about was failure. It had other names of course, like difficult and hard, mostly followed by the word choice.

My hubby and I are going on a mini holiday - extended weekend starting Thursday. I wasn't even look forward to it because I'm so afraid of the bad choices that I "know" I'm going to make already....

In pondering, I decided that saying those things are like already allowing me to make the bad choices before I even given myself a chance to make the right choice....right?

Right! That's some weak-ass shit.

Today was a day of wants, I wanted more mocha lattes, I wanted muffins, I wanted ice cream, I wanted to roll around in sugar like a chicken leg in breadcrumbs. However...... I didn't.

I had my mocha in the morning, at lunch I got a call last minute from a friend in town to go to a lunch date - we met in the food court and I ate my good lunch. I also go the 'hairy eyeball' about it but I didn't bother to explain it to them. When I pullled out my container of strawberry the eye turned green! HA

I know that this coming long weekend is going to be harder then my normal routine....I'll have free access to all the food I can eat, and I'll also be doing indulgent things with the people that I love and enjoying them and their company and the food that comes along with it.

BUT....I am going to enjoy myself and I'm going to do it with moderation. I know that I will not eat as well as I normally do, but, I am not going to take this as a free-for-all four day feeding frenzy. I'm also not going to let one "slip" ruin the rest of my eating and send me into a spiralling heap of depressive eating.

That being said, I'm going to seek the lighter, healthier and most colourful options at every meal where I find myself challenged. We'll be getting good sausages from the butchers, but having home cooked omelets, I'll be getting the steak, but not the garlic bread. :)

I stepped on the scale when I got home tonight... still read 272. I was a little surprised to say the least, but also... empowered. There is still a way that I can have a regular life AND manage my food.

Monday Weigh-In

okay.... *drum roll please*......

Weight - 272lbs
Inches - 321.4

Fat Burned - 3Lbs
Inches shed - 2.7

I'm really really happy! AND I have a great lesson learned, now is the tricky part - I really NEED to pay attention to this lesson before I jump back on the bandwagon called "This is easy - I can eat what I like", and stay on the path called "Sensable eating on weekends and through the week shows me what I can do".

Regardless, I'm happy about both the inches and the fat!!

Inches Breakdown:
Neck - 16, Bust - 47.5, Ribs - 41.6, Waist - 47.7, Hips - 51.5, Left Thigh - 27, Right Thigh - 25, L.Calf - 18.3, R.Calf - 18, L.Bicep - 14.3, R.Bicep - 14.5
Total inches: 321.4

Well - thats all I have time to post right now - I just didn't want to make anyone wait any longer! I did enjoy posting my "fluffer" email earlier in the day though! teehee

More later. Dinner now.

Its a Secret!

I weighed in this morning and usually I tell what it was before I do my inches in the evening after work (Since I can't get up in time to do them in the morning).

However, I am NOT going to tell early this time! Muuuaahahahahhaha and you will have to wait to hear about it.

Food today is looking pretty good...mostly planned out, and I'm going to count my calories too.

Sunday List

I actually woke up BEFORE my alarm today. That, quite frankly, is amazing. I did lay about in bed until it rang anyway - but typically I would sleep until 11 or 12. Today I was up at 10.

Karen... this breakfast is in your honor!











Talapia (YUM), 2 small zucchinis, 5 mushroom all sauteed with oil spray with S&P.

I'm not feeling like going to the gym - my legs are a little tired from my running yesterday (but I'm posting that I'll go here so that I WILL).

Today's list:
Make grocery list; DONE
Gym (1 hour cardio); DONE (did 50min...but extra hard on the elliptical)
Coffee; DONE (coffee and muffin came out to $6.66....the muffin of the beast!! HAHAHA)
Groceries; DONE
Cooking/Food prep for the week; DONE
Living room clean sweep: junk off furniture, sweep floors, mop floors, get rid of all the paper garbage, put papers that need filing into the files; and MOSTLY DONE
Relax; DONE
eat dinner; DOING NOW
read; WILL DO
bed! WILL DO

Bfast:
Fish, zucchinis, mushrooms
1c Almond breeze
2T protein powder
Snack1:
1 med skim milk mocha
1 lrg cranberry bran muffin (of the devil)
Snack2:
1T cottage cheese (while making snacks for lunches)
1 lrg orange
Dinner:
2c mixed greens
6oz turkey deli meat
2T red onion
20 red grapes
2oz mozzarella cubes
2 radishes
1/2c snow peas
1 hard boiled egg
Dressing - 1T extra virgin olive oil and 1T balsamic vinegar
1 whole wheat pita - toasted
1tsp becel
Snack3:
1/2c plain organic yogurt
2T walnuts
1T blueberry wild honey (YUM YUM YUM)

Saturday activities

I've been giving this fat exorcism a go all day today! Be gone Fat Devil!!! *makes the sign of a fat cell over my belly*


Well after a good sleep last night (albeit too late into the Saturday morning *cough* noon), I got motivated and dressed after my bfast to go to the gym. 1hour5min on the treadmill and then a good stretch. I made a list while eating of all the things that I needed to get done and ... I did them ALL!

Now for tomorrows list...must get that done after I post this.

Gym was good - 1hour and a 5min cooldown on the treadmill. Loving my new runners. 10min walk warmup, 10min jog @ 3.6, 1min walk @2.8, 10min jog @3.6, 1min walk @ 3.0, 10min jog at 3.6(last two min were at 3.8, then the rest was walking at various speeds.

Ate my orange post workout and then off to Timmies for a early afternoon snack before heading out for my shopping and errands. Which I managed quite a few. Filled up on gas, went to the running room and registered a friend who is going to come on the clinic with me (weeee!!!).

Off to the shops for a new memory foam mattress cover, picked up a new shower curtain and some odds and sods for the house. I had a gift certificate for Chapers books - so I went over there to perv on books and to pick up the 3rd and 4th book in the George R.R. Martin Songs of Ice and Fire series (Storm of Swords and Feast for Crows.. I am a fantasy book super geek...so I don't know how I missed this series). I also enjoyed a coffee and a ginger cookie while wandering in book-heaven (and spying on people around me to see what they are reading!).

Then home to finish the most important part of today - my second workout....Housework!! I know that I needed to get a lot of the messy bits that are hanging about and cluttering up my mind, and boy did I get a lot done:

1. 3 loads of laundry including linens - made new bag with foam mattress;
2. Took out all garbage bins, empties, new bags in;
3. Hung new shower curtain, threw out old;
4. Cleaned toilet;
5. Organized recycling;
6. Dishes in the sink set to soak for later washing in dishwasher;
7. Dusted through the house;
8. Swept kitchen, hall and bathroom; and
9. Mopped kitchen, hall and bathroom (half by hand!).

Now I've heated up my dinner from last night -what I like to call my "posh dog food". I'm feeling much better about life in general, but also my struggles this last few weeks. I have some grocery shopping to do tomorrow and my food prep again. I'm all out of fruits and green veggies so I have to replenish the fruit bowl.

I also want to say thank you to all who commented, I've been bad about reading on everyone elses blogs (for motivation) and posting comments other then lots of "woohoos" and "good jobs" (man I suck hard at commenting). I think that I'll have more to contribute this coming week. so....Heres to fighting the evil fat!!

Water: 1.5L right now - I have another 1.5L that I will get through before bed.

Bfast:
1 pot activia yogurt
2 small slices rye bread
1T cashew nutbutter
1tsp strawberry jam
Snack1:
lrg orange
Snack2:
12 grain bagel
2T lite creamcheese
Snack3:
1 med skim milk half sweet mocha (NO WHIP!!!!!)
1 lrg ginger cookie
Snack4:
5 almonds


Dinner:
1c mixed wild rice
2c Tamzin's "Posh Dogfood"
1 pot yogurt
2 kiwi fruits

Posh Dog Food is:
1 yellow onion diced roughly
1 package Extra lean ground turkey
1/2 bag mixed frozen veg (carrots, corn, peas and beans)
1 package of taco seasoning
It freezes great - is tasty, and great for over rice in your lunch!

Fat for the Devil!

9 weeks into my blogging and I've lost 6lbs...that is .666lbs a week!!! No wonder I'm struggling, this is the fat of the devil!!! hahahhaha

I've got to get myself sorted out this weekend, all the extraneous stuff that life drops on me is no reason to flop over and cry (see all last weeks post). But my lack of preparation for the (predicable) unscheduled life things has been been my scapegoat for eating badly and not trying.

This weekend I'll do my fat fighting home work (get house, fridge and mind clutter free and ready for a new week) and try a little fat exorcism.


Bfast:
Coffee with creamers
Pot of activia berry yogurt
Green tea latte with skim milk
Snack1:
1c oats, 2T protein powder & 1/2c berries
Lunch:
6 small shrimp
3/4c mixed rice
1.5c Caesar salad
2T taziki (sp?)
1 diet coke
1/3 c pumpkin custard
Snack2:
1 cup Eating Right CousCous lentil soup
Snack3:
Orange
Dinner:
4oz Ground Turkey (with Taco seasoning)
1.5 Mixed veggies sauted
1c wild rice
Snack4:
1/2c 1% cottage cheese
20 grapes

Tonight - gym, home, eat, read, sleep!

Wallowing in Mediocrity

I wonder when I'm going to get sick of posting the same shit about how I'm "trying" but not succeeding? Lets hope its soon.

Darth Cookie

My last week has been summed up with total lack of respect for myself and my goals. I have gone to the dark side, its not good.

I have been eating 'whatever' and pretending like I'm having normal sized portions and I'm not. It's been proven to me time and times again, that when I stop really paying attention to what I'm eating that my old tricks resurface. This blogger said it best yesterday, and what he put to paper resonated with me.

I am not really at a place where I can manage my eating without being totally conscious. I'm not maintaining, and when I stop being vigilant I start gaining.

However, last nights dinner was both yummy for the tummy and good for the soul. It was a great gab session with two of my girlfriends and we enjoyed the evening a lot, not to mention that I hadn't had any good fish for a while - get in my omegas from the salmon!! I'm feeling puffy today, but I'm not surprised...I haven't had any water yet this morning...going to get some NOW.

The house is a total mess again.. I've been perpetually half cleaning the kitchen and leaving a sink full of dishes that pile up and up and up, while the dishwasher sits full of clean dishes. Its bad for cooking, not very motivating if I have to wash dishes before I can get to my dinner. I need to get that under control again ASAP.

Sleep….well, this is a goal that I set and I have yet to get over 7 hours in a single night in the last 2 weeks - apart from weekends where I sleep like a dead thing for 10 or 11 hours straight. So VERY unhealthy, yet such a very difficult pattern for me to break.

Bfast:
1coffee with cream
1 raison bran muffin
1 coffee with cream
Snack1:
Orange
Lunch:
Salad (spinach leaves, chickpeas, mushrooms, beets, cucumber, sprouts, tomato, ham, egg, cheese, 1T ranch dressing)
Whole grain bun
1 pat butter
Snack2:
Kiwi edit:: Went and got a mocha and DID NOT eat my kiwi (fug)
Snack3:
1 pot Activia yogurt
Snack4:
Orange

Dinner:
edit:: 3" slice of garlic bread (this was eaten while standing in the kitchen like a wild animal!)
2T extravirgin oliveoil
2T balsamic vinegar 4 small slices rye bread
3/4 avocado
1 can tuna in water
2oz swiss cheese

Tonight I'm going to get my sweat on at the gym and do an hour on the elliptical or on the treadmill, plus walking home and stairs. WEEEE!

PS - did you see.... NO MOCHA TODAY!! I got to break my whip cream morning habit.

PPS - I did end up getting a mocha (brutal) and then I did not walk down the stairs and I took the bus home... it was too bloody cold out.

Sugar Junkie

This morning has not started great - but I'm not going to let that dominate my day.

Bfast:
2c almond milk
2T protien powder
1/3c 1% cottage cheese
2 coffee with cream
1 blueberry scone

Today is office treat day and there are cinnamon buns dripping with icing.

I'm NOT going to have any

So instead - I had a scone from the coffee shop... honestly... I don't think that there is much difference calorically between the two. Regardless... I've not had any water this morning (surprise surprise that I'm "hungry") and I'm jonesing for a treat.

I have my coffee, I'm going to the gym at lunch today, and I'm about to get some water so I can drink this beast into submission then get some less sugar filled foods in me to level out the spike I'm on.

Day is getting better.....

Snack1:
1 lemon pepper 85g tin of tuna
2 hearty rye crackers
Lunch:
1 ham&swiss on rye sammich (mustard, lettuce, ham, swiss, sprouts, tomato, cucumber)
1.5c mixed fruit
(Hidden in bottom drawer bought with my sandwich.... 1 sm packet of salt and vinegar chips...okay... now that I've told, I'm going to throw them away...f*ck...that was easier then I thought...)
Snack2:
2 hearty rye crackers
1tsp butter
Snack3:
1c V8 fruit juice
Dinner:
Sushi Dinner (mixed rolls and sashimi, and a few tempura veggies), green tea.

Exercise:
Walked to work 1km
Gym at lunch - 35min on treadmill. walked warm up and running at 3.6 (did a 4min stint at 4.0)
Post work - 468stairs, walk to sushi restaurant 1.5km

Better

Well - my food today wasn't much better - but I have to say that this afternoon the "paperwork gawds" gave me a break and I managed to do some (very not work related) work done, on me.

I sat and read up on some weight loss blogs, read up about fibre & waters role in weight lose, the BMR and RMR, and a bunch of other very simple yet effective, yet so bloody simple things that you must do to get your body burning fat and getting lean. And a few things about the mental side of these kinds of things.

For three hours I sat in my little office space and thought about me, and all the reasons that I've been do down on myself and what that might really be about and why I had such an out of sorts day - and how ALL THOSE THINGS ARE CONNECTED. I don't have any reason to be so hard on myself.

I'd been meaning/talking about doing a running room clinic for a while, so I went to their website - looked for a clinic that is starting and then went over right after work and signed up. (see post below) Take.My.Money!

When 5 o'clock came, I popped out of my chair like a new human! I had a spring to my step - I know that I can do this. I have it locked down. Now is not the time to stop, now is the time to press EVEN harder in the direction that I want to go. :) Then I went to perv blogs tonight and right there... on Jens blog was a cartoon of the very thing that I was experiencing... (I'm going to steal her cartoon here), now that I've crawled most of the way up - I can't stop.

Anyway - she does a much better post about it - so go read hers!! :)

Exercise:
468 step to ground floor
2km walk home

Water: 2L (at office), 1.5(at home) - 3.5L total!

Food
bfast:
1/3c 1%cottage cheese
1 coffee with creamer
1 lrg blueberry bran muffin
1 med skim milk mocha lite whip(yep...I know..brutal)
Lunch:
Starter tossed salad with 1T blue cheese dressing
1 Canadian Burger...eh! (cheese and bacon)
1/2 plate of fries
1T ketchup
Snack1:
1.5c strawberries
1/3c yogurt
Snack2:
1 very sour kiwi (with skin!)
Dinner:
Salad (2c mixed greens, 1/2 tomato, 1 whole avocado, 6oz turkey meat, 20 grapes, 3T red onion)
3" of the heal of a Garlic Clove Loaf (bread with whole garlic cloves baked in it...total decadence and totally garlic love)
Salad dressing - 1T extra virgin olive oil and 1T balsamic vinegar
Bread Dip - 1T extra virgin olive oil and 1T balsamic vinegar

A change of mind!

EDIT::

Well there we go. I've been waffling on this for a long time...Today I signed up for a Running Room Course that starts at the end of this month. YAY! (Since I'm part Scottish - there is no way that I can give them my money and not use it!) I also signed up for a Yoga class on Sundays at my gym starting next month.

Tonight, I'm going to walk home, eat some dinner, chat with Mr.K, have a bath and then go to bed early - do some reading and snuggle up for a good nights sleep.

I KNOW that this is really going to help with both my mood and my outlook. I can't wait for tomorrow. :)

Also.... should you live in the southern city of the great western plains of Canada and you would care to join me in this clinic (or you just want to send me fan mail! haha) then feel free to email me at: tamzin_inches@hotmail.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well - already today I'm a black cloud of misery! I was late to work, I didn't wear a heavy enough jacket and was cold, the bus was late, and then someone jammed themselves into the revolving door with me as I was entering the building... waaa waaaa waaa waaa waaaaa

Already I was planning a massive breakdown about poor me... life is sooo hard.. Booo Hooo. I might as well just give up - I've been at this for so long (har har) and I've only managed to shed 6lbs.

well, today I'm going to change that. Today is going to be less ......

and more this.....

Why?

Because I said so.

No Scale Love

Well... this mornings hopeful weigh-in was 275. No magic fat disappearing trick this morning. Not that I am particularly surprised with wallowing in whip cream yesterday.

Suzi... I did throw the whip cream away! This morning it was in the trash with the egg shells, never to be resurrected. When my dinner guest brought it with them, I should have sent it home with her at the end of the night. Next time.

Tonight - gym time and time to get my butt in gear again. I have my new runners, so that eliminated that excuse.

:) The sun is out - its a new day - work is quiet (knock on wood) - time to get started again!

Inches and Such

Well today was good and bad and all things in between rolled together. I'm tired and confused and upset I guess. I managed to resist everything bad for me at the office - even with a moment of weakness... looking at the cookie that I had taken...I put it back when I asked myself if I REALLY wanted it.

I walked home 5km, but I was too hungry and on the way home, I should have had another snack in the afternoon to help, I started having all kinds of crazy food lust - you name it - I wanted to put it in my gob! It was all that I could do to not stop and get something really terrible, but I was already contemplating what to binge on... I knew it was not going to be good.

I ended up stopping and getting a can of beans in tomato sauce, I wandered around in the little corner store - I purposely went to the cash only one - and all I had was $2.50 on me... limited me pretty well. I drooled over crackers and thought about coming back with more money so I could eat them. So terrible. I ended up with a can of beans for my ultimate english comfort food - eggs beans and toast.

I'm over tired, over hungry, stressed out and ended up at the fridge with the can of whip cream stuck in my mouth. Three big mouthfuls and then I put about 1/3 of a cup of it in one of the pumpkin custards and then ate that too.

I know that this behavior more tiring and stressful, its a terrible cycle. It feels disgusting, but what is worse.. is this. I was saving that whip cream in there... because I KNEW that eventually I was going to do that. Now I have to get up tomorrow and weight-in, and get back on this damn bucking horse and try to get my balance again.

The Nitty Gritty - Weight: 275lbs Inches: 324.1
Neck - 16, Bust - 47.5, Ribs - 42, Waist - 48, Hips - 52, L Bicep - 14.6, R Bicep - 14.5, L Thigh - 28, R Thigh -25.9, L Calf - 18.5, R Calf - 18.1.

Weight is up 1.8lbs, but Inches are down by 0.4.

Bfast:
1c Almond Milk
2T protein powder
coffee with cream
1/3c 1% cottage cheese
1med banana
Snack1:
1med mocha skim milk latte
orange
Lunch:
3/4c meat lasagna
1c BNS mac&cheese
1c mixed veg
3 hearty rye crackers
1 pat butter
Snack2:
1c strawberries
1/3c Activia yogurt
Snack3:
Orange
Dinner:
1 can beans in tomato sauce
2 poached eggs
2 pitas
2T becel
3 big mouthfuls whip cream
1/3c whip cream
1/3c pumpkin custard

Water: 2.6L...not good enough.

ug...time for bed. I need to sleep on this Mind-f*ck that I've done to myself today. I know that it will be better tomorrow and on my way to bed, I'm heading to the kitchen to throw away the rest of the whip cream.

Monday Goals (and a WI)

Well I arrived this morning to a bunch of home made cookies on my desk...ARG! I understand that the person who makes them is proud and enjoys baking. Now I have to try and pawn them off on everyone that comes by so that I don't eat them. Who the he-ll things that I would "need" a dozen cookies? Are they blind?

My goal today - I'm not going to eat any. (there are now only 3 left after I've done typing this. Sadly, everyone who has taken one has expressed to be thier guilt about eating a cookie, I guess I'm a fat agony aunt...perhaps they think that I can relate...I suppose that I can).

Weigh-in this morning - 275lbs. Up 1.8lbs.

Ug... this is an annoying pattern for me. I don't post it here- but I do weight myself every morning. I realize that there are some people who set up camp in "daily weigh ins are not good" and the other camp where "daily weigh ins are good".

I post once a week and try to not let the daily fluctuations bother me. I feel that right now I need the daily scale-step to keep me totally cognisant of what I'm doing and how that is manifested in my weight. I think that I can easily slip into a pattern of gaining over a week unless I see the numbers. I would imagine that this will change further down the path. But for now - its daily. Course...I'm gaining - and I'm weighing in daily... fug.

However, that being said, I seem to always weigh-in lighter on Tuesday mornings then Mondays...If that happens again tomorrow, then I'm changing weight in day to Tuesdays.

The best part about this patterns ups and downs is that the higher days are now lighter then they used to be - so I'm looking at that is moving in the right direction. So I'll take a mini-win for that. Two steps down and one step up... I can handle that.

"Real" Sunday Post

Today has been good. Very productive and social which was nice.

I ended up walking 6.2km this afternoon between coffee and bookstores (got two) then walking to some more stores (got new runner) then walking to get my groceries and back(it was pretty nice out). I'm actually a little sore - but I think thats mostly from the shoveling yesterday. I could use a hot bath and getting to bed early. Which I'm going to make my plan for this evening. I'm still not good with the water - but the food today has been okay.

Bfast:
1/2c 1% cottage cheese
3/4c almond breeze, 2T protein powder
Snack1:
Large coffee with cream
1 sunshine muffin
Lunch:
2 pita with 2c mixed greens
2 slices turkey (slices breast meat deli style - VERY nice!)
1 tomato
2oz swiss cheese
mustard
Snack2:
4 hearty rye cracker, 1.5T olive oil margarine (new & healthier?!)

That's been all so far today - I'm not hungry right now - but I need to start getting a dinner planned or I'm going to cave and eat something not good. It might be a good omelet night. I could use a little salsa today!

The kitchen is a nightmare - so I'm off to organize it for the week and get my meals & snacks all measured out. If I can manage.... I might just post some fridge p0rn for today as well!!!

Edit:: Dinner has been made, lunch snack have been assembled- kitchen has been cleaned, dishes are washing in the machine! Laundry has been folded, fresh bedding has been put on the bed. Phew!


Decided...that I just couldn't resist having my homemade burgers for dinner again.

Dinner:
2 burgers in pitas
2c greens, 1/2 tomato & 2 slices red onion
2T Mustard (herb, frenches and horseradish mixed)
2T ketchup
Chips: 1 sweet potato (med), 1/2 white potato (med) and 1 sm beet in thin slices - 1.5T oil, cooking spray baked at 450 for 15min - under the broiler for 5min.

YUM YUM YUM

Sunday - Gratuitous Beaver Shot!! Oh my!

I know you can't get enough!! teehee

Smattering of things from my Saturday

Slept in, bfast was late....11.30ish

1/2c 1% cottage cheese, lrg orange, 3 kashi bars (eaten over 2 hours....but still.... brutal. However that was the last of them and with that kind of management I won't be getting them again since I clearly can't have just one), 1c almond breeze with 2T protein powder

Walk - sunny out YAY! and today I was happily carrying my camera. Since I have enjoyed looking at the walk pics that Spunkysuzi posts I thought to bring it along. Now, to perpetuate the myth that in Canada there is a moose in every garage and a beaver in ever creek... VIOLA! The beavers!

Can you see them down there? Difficult little buggers to get a pic of.

Post walk - went to my fav little luncheon spot and had a veggie rye sammich, with a chai latte and a peanut butter cookie. I thought to only eat half the cookie. In fact - I normally would have eaten the cookie first, but today I waited. I ate it last, but even though the first half was good - I finished it. I need to develop a new habit to be able to wrap it up to go for later. Then when I've stopped eating - I can find the strength to toss it. At the table, I can not let food go to waste (yet).

Anyway - got home and then spent 20min shoveling the walk clear of all the extra snow that been pushed around. So a good solid day for exercise.

BAD day for water.... weekends are so hard for me ... I don't know why. I've had less then 2L today and its bedtime. Ug. I have a headache... I wonder why?? bad me.

Dinner was at the friends house. I ate an orange before I went. I knew it was going to be bad... I was charged with the task of bringing dessert. Now.... for those of you that have read my earlier rant, this is at the friend who eats quite fatty high calorie low nutritional value foods. I called her today to go walking, but no. she wanted a 4 hour nap instead. *sigh* Anyway, asks me to pick up dessert.... I ask what she fancies... Chocolate and custard something. *rolls eyes* I know that I will NOT be able to resist, AND I'm going to eat whatever she is cooking. This is going to go very badly for me.

Dinner was: 1 large pork chop in mushroom soup, cauliflower with cheese (I picked the bits with the least amount of cheese on them... FUNNILY, my first action was to get as much cheese on my spoon as possible... but I put that bit back and re-scooped) and white potatoes. I was going to take more, then decided that I would have what I'd taken and IF, and that is a big if, I needed more I can go and get some.

Anyway, not a great finish to my Saturday night.... because.....this is what I brought for dessert:

Chocolate silk cake - not a great option, BUT it was the perfect size (read her NOT BIG) to cut up into 4 and be done with it - no extra lingering around - I can have my piece and that's all. We had that and settled into a movie, she brought out the bloody jujubes again. I had 8. Then decided that was all.

So all in all I give myself:
2/10 for water
6/10 for eating
8/10 for exercise

sleep...well I'm going to get some of that... Right NOW.

Friday Win

Today has been good eating wise, and I'm going to get in lots of exercise this weekend as the weather is supposed to be delightful (in comparison with recent weather patterns - aka: cold as the artic arsehole). Not getting enough sleep by any stretch - last night was only 5.5hrs. ug.

Bfast:
coffee with creamers
banana (kashi bar was a miss fire from the factory and was open partially on one end... so it was pretty much a brick and unedible)
Snack1:
lrg skim milk mocha
lunch:
chicken Souvlaki , 2 pita, 2T tzatziki sauce
3/4c greek salad(mostly...errrm...99%) tomato
diet coke
Snack2:
3/4c strawberries
1/3c Activia apple&grain yogurt
Snack3:
pro-atmeal
Dinner:
2 burgers, 2 pita, lots of mixed greens, tomato, onion, mustard, ketchup
sweet potato chips, beet chips (oh yeah, I went there again!!)


Water: 3L woohooo and counting

Exercise:
walked to work 1km/15min
468 stairs to ground floor (4.5min)
Gym - treadmill (going to aim for 3 10min jogging sessions and 20min walking)
walk home - 1.5km/25min

I'm feeling .... snacky.... so tonight getting home without stopping for any extras is going to be difficult. I'm going to get my oatmeal now - so that my orange should fill me up pretty well - or well enough to get me in to the house before I stop somewhere for "treats". Last week it was salty chips and disgusting subway... this weekend I am not going to do that. I was SO UPSET on my weight-in day after stuffing myself all weekend. This one is going to be better!

Edit::
no extra snacks today! OH YEAH!

Thursday Nibbles

Okay - today was good. Before work was done I'd finished over 2L...thats Great for me! wooohoo! AND I wasn't peeing like a racehorse all day - Phew, my body is starting to adjust!

Bfast:
Yogurt, Banana
Snack1:
Med skim milk mocha
Lunch:
1c BNS M&C, 1c mixed veggies, 6 pieces sushi (California roll)
Snack2:
Kashi 7 grain bar, lemon pepper tuna (85g), 6 hearty rye crackers, 1T butter
Snack3:
Lrg orange
Dinner:
Sweet potato chips, 2 burgers (home made - extra lean ground beef, 2 eggs, 2c rolled oats, minced onion, Worcester sauce, minced garlic, S&P), 2 whole wheat pita, red onion, 1/2 tomato, mixed greens, mustard & ketchup
Water: 3L

Exercise:
468 stairs to ground floor (4.5min)
Gym - 5min walk 3.0, 10min jog 3.6, 5min walk 2.7, 10min jog 3.6, 15min (45min totally - 2.3km)
Walk home - 1.5km

All in all - pretty good day for food and moving! Now......for some sleep!!!!! zzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

Cheat to Win?

Today is going to be a good day - I've decided that already. Strange the power and lack of power that I can be given with just my mind. Yesterday, I decided to cheat, and so I did. Today, I know that I won't as I have already made up my mind on it.

Yesterdays non-office cookie eating victory was shallow when compared with the lack of restraint I showed with the rest of my daily choices. I have to keep looking back and remembering what my habits used to be like... and that I am moving in the right direction and that it IS making a difference. My dinner guest last night was totally astounded with how much "weight I'd lost". Its really not the weight lost that is so great - its the 7 inches that have been craved off my frame. :) But I'll take any compliment that I can get at the moment.

I got up this morning and threw the rest of the cookies that I had purchased yesterday, in the garbage. They were $1.99. I'm going to say that I enjoyed the cookies that I ate yesterday at least 3x as much as the cost. And now, I've thrown away the other cookies that would have put me in the red in terms of cost to my goals. So, good deal!

I'm still doing LOTS of things wrong. I'm still trying to cheat to win... like I'm trying to convince myself that "I want my cake, and I want to eat it too" attitude is justified. The sneaky feeling that I can still have the treats that I "want" and get to the goal that I "want". Eventually, there is going to be a time where one of those two wants is going to have to hit the road... in the past, its been the goal.

"I'm big boned, I'm not designed to be thin, Genetics, this is good enough"... ad nausium.... All the things that I tell myself to lose track of what I want. I have to say - that until I saw this blogger I NEVER believed that anyone who looks like me would ever be able to get to look like this. She is done most of her journey, and is more maintaining now - but she is the same height and was near the same starting weight. Her weight loss both inspires and scared me to death... it CAN be done!!! omg... it can be done... but CAN I DO IT???

Why can't I give up the morning mocha's?? Why did I have to have 2 servings of pumpkin custard when I would have enjoyed one?? I guess, I'm asking questions that I'm not able to answer yet. Mentally or even physically. But the good part is that I'm starting to question myself. I've had a few great moments where I've thought that I needed to eat, but instead listened to my body and realized that I was not hungry. What a strange and wonderful feeling that is.

Wednesdays Blathers

Got my internet back last night - but I had an old friend over for dinner (so not nearly enough blog perving as I would typically enjoy). I cooked for her and it was ALL CLEAN FOOD.... and... she loved it. YAY!! No guilt dinner!

Yesterday was busy busy busy. And... no surprise, I was naughty. I let the head-monsters tell me that "I had been so good that I could have a burger for lunch". I sat at the restaurant and debated getting a salad. Then I flipped a coin and burger won. FOR REAL, I even gave the salad heads!! I should have known better, that if I was that torn, I should have had the salad, but that need to indulge myself was strong and I was weak and full of reasons to let myself fail.

Bfast:
Kashi Bar, Lrg Banana
Snack1:
Skim milk latte
Lunch:
Starter salad - greens with 1 tsp blue cheese dressing, Lrg burger with cheese and bacon, 8 large fries
water
Snack2:
pro-ameal with pumpkin custard
Dinner:
1/4 slice of Acorn squash, 1/5cx spinach, 1 pork loin with 1T applesauce
Dessert (yes...a day of indulgence):
2 servings of pumpkin custard, 2T whip cream, 5 low cal ginger cookies

Water: 3.5L

Exercise:
468 stairs down to ground floor from office, walked home 1km, vigorous cleaning for 35min

Wednesday Goals

Today is treat day at the office. I have a lunch in the freezer here, some fruit and veggie snacks, but I forgot to bring my yogurt and cottage cheese. I do have enough food to get me through the day... there is NO NEED for me to have any treats.

There. I said it so that I would know that it is true.

I will NOT have any treats from the office kitchen today.

also...NSV... today the pants that I could "almost" do up.... did up! YAY!!!!!

Edit:: cookie day was survived and I didn't cave. I was ably assisted by the office co-op students. It was like a great white feeding frenzy in there until the cookies were gone! HURRAY!

Not been home yet... we shall see if the Internet is up and working again. If not, I suspect a long time on the phone listening to jazz music.

Yesterdays Nosh n' thoughts

My internet went down last night in when I started this post - so I lost it all. I'm hoping everything is good when I get in tonight - then I can stick it up here.

Eating - 7/10
Water -10/10
Sleep - 2/10


Bfast: Peanutbetter kashi bar, Lrg banana, Black tea w/ 1/4 tsp honey
Snack1: Lrg skim milk half sweet moch latte (lite whip)
Lunch: Lrg slice lasagnua, 2c spinach salad (spinach, cherry tomato x4, 2tsp bacon bits) ,1T hummus
Snack2: 1.5c fresh strawberries, 1/3c yogurt
Water - 1.6L
Snack3: Med skim milk half sweet moch latte (lite whip)
Snack4: Orange
Dinner: 2c BNS mac&cheese, 2.5c mixed veggies
Snack5:... I know i had something, I can't remember what it was though. Damn.

Exercise: (was good)
468 stairs down to ground floor;
walked to work 1km/15min;
gym treadmill - 5min walk 3.0, 10min jog 3.6, 5min walk 2.7, 10min jog 3.6, 15 min walk 2.7 - totaled to about 2.3km; and
walked home - 1.5km/25min.

Sneaky WI

okay, this morning I hopped up on the scales ... 273.2lbs *does small dance of joy*

So, either that was one huge poop this morning or .....I'm changing my body even though I'm not doing the best job of it.

Anyway, there you go, 273.2!

Now I can't use that 2.8lbs as a buffer zone, or cheat zone for next weight in. HA! take that Me, how do you like that??!! hun hun....yeah, that's what I thought!

Edit::
Right....Mel, Linda, Helen, Katie, Kimberly, and NerdGirl.... this is for you!

ENJOY

http://www.geekologie.com/2009/01/pre_post_dump_weighing_the_toi.php

From Wallowing to Basking & a WI

Thank you to all who commented today. Everyone was totally right, and I guess, sometime you just need to hear it a couple of times to remind yourself that things are not the deep hole that you think they are.

I thank you, and all the people who posted on their blogs today as well. I love reading them, they really help put life and weight into perspective. So I've gone from wallowing in my own pity to basking in the knowledge that today was a new day and yesterdays mistakes don't have to be made today.

So - now for the nitty-gritty. weight is up 0.6lbs, but I'm down 1.3inches.

Stats:
Pounds - 276
Inches - 324.5

Neck -16.1, Bust - 47.2, Ribcage - 42, Waist - 48, Hips - 52.8, Thigh (L) - 27, Thigh (R) - 26.1, Calf (L) - 18.8, Calf (R) - 18.1, Bicep (L) - 14.2, Bicep (R) - 14.2

Down 1.3inches YAY!!! Food today was significantly better (today is a new day!).

Bfast:
1/3c 1% cottage cheese
1 lrg banana
black tea w/ 1/4tsp honey
Snack1:
1 med non-fat milk half sweet mocha with 1T whip (it appears that I can not learn from my mistakes)
Lunch:
1c BNS Mac&Cheese
1.5c roasted brussle sprouts
1/3c activia apple&grain yogurt
1.5c fresh strawberries (OMG YUM)
Snack2:
pro-atmeal (thanks to nerd girl for this one! me like) protein powder, oats, flax seeds
1/3c pumpkin custard (mixed in)
Dinner:
1 chicken breast pan fried in lite oil spray with 1 sm zucchini
2c mixed greens
10 snap peas
1 sm beet steamed
1T xvirgin oil
1T balsamic vinegar

6x hearty ryr crackers + 2tsp marg
Mint tea x2

Water: working on just over 2L right now, by bed time - should be over 3L.

Exercise: Walked to work (1km), walked home from work (2.2km), walked down the 468stairs from my office floor to the ground floor! (yay).

Better, much much better.

Would you like some 3.14159265

Reduced caloric Intake + moderate exercise = weight loss

This isn't rocket science, I know the formula that I have to follow to succeed. I read about it daily on the blogs of people here - eating better, getting regular exercies, treating their bodies with the respect that they require and their bodies respond, drop fat, get leaner, the lbs fly off the scale.

But yet, in the darkness of my home, its just easier to NOT change, Eat the π, pretend that I need the snacks and that life stinks and I'm destined to be fat forever no matter how hard I "try", and then cry in the bathroom on Monday mornings when I go up in weight.

I'm up .6lbs this morning. I'm upset about it, although there is really no reason to be since I wasn't kidnapped this weekend and force-fed by crazed Mongol warriors bent on fattening me up for a winter feast… Nope. That didn't happen… but this did:

Friday Night - subway foot long sandwich with full fat dressing, bag of salt&vinegar chips, can of pop.
Saturday - coffee with whip cream, muffin, rice crispy square, take out Thai food with coconut (sweetened) rice, pop
Sunday - coffee with 2oz full fat cream, "whole wheat raspberry" scone, about 4 servings of dinner - BNS mac&cheese, 2/3c of extra sweet pumpkin custard (because I didn't have anymore containers to put it in, so instead of throwing some away - or putting it in a bowl in the fridge with some plastic wrap, I eat it.)

Thats not including the other regular food that I consumed as well for breakfasts and lunches.

Sunday I couldn’t even drag myself out for a 30min walk even though the sun was out and it was lovely. The cleaning was considerably less vigorous then I was going to do - no floors or windows were scrubbed. I was a lump of nothing this weekend and it feely crappy. I also let myself freely graze on dinner instead of measuring it out and then making sure that I have had enough water, which yesterday was a very dissapointining 2L.

Then I get up and weigh-in and I'm upset that I've gained over the weekend. I guess the real tragedy would be if I had lost more weight - then I would have been more inclined to continue binging and cheating on weekends instead of thinking that perhaps I should be more diligent.

Epic Fail - Pumpkin

Right, so when making the pumpkin custard it is of importance that you get a can of "PUMPKIN" ... not "pumpkin pie filling", as I have done (both times I'm pretty sure).

I made it anyway, and in the end a 1/3c serving is still only 75calories, which is a nice treat, but... its got a LOT of sugar in it and that's not good. In fact, its so sweet that I don't even really like this - so maybe the last batch was just pumpkin... not too sure. Regardless, let this be a reminder that I MUST check the labels carefully.

1/2c brown sugar splenda - 192
1/2c egg whites - 60
1.5 c Almond breeze - 100
15oz pumpkin pie filling - 648
spices - 0
Total - 900 calories.

I managed to get 12 1/3c servings. 900/12 servings = 75calories. Which isn't too bad. However..... The pie filling has 17g of sugar per 1/3c serving.

There are 7.2 servings in 15oz.
7.2 x 17 = 122.4/12 =10.2g sugar per serving. and that's not even including the sugar content in the other ingredients. ARGGGG

Well - off to the freezer they go - and next time I'm going to be SURE that what I'm getting is JUST PUMPKIN .. no effing sugar. 1 out of 5 star for shopping today. *Pout*

Sunday Cleaning and Cooking

Well today I have not yet tackled any exercise, but I'm hoping that inspiration will strike me after I'm done in the house. I've done 2 loads of laundry and have been to the store for my fruits & veg for this coming week. Now, to complete the plan, I have a lot of cooking, roasting and preparation to do.

Weeeeeee!!!!!

On the cooking list today:
1. Massive butternut squash Mac&Cheese (double recipe - that stuff freezes well)*
2. Pumpkin pudding (1 weight watchers point per serving!)
3. Roasted brussle sprouts

Snack Packing done:
1. Activia Apple&grain yogurt x6 1/3c
2. 1% cottage cheese x6 1/3c
3. Baby carrots x3 baggies
4. Snap peas x7 baggies
5. Strawberries x2 1c (these are fresh and I topped them and put them in a Ziploc container, I can't wait to get at them!!)
5. Oatmeal/protein powder/flax seed baggies x4
6. 1oz swiss cheese & 1 slice Deli ham roll-up's x4

In the fruit bowl: (with gratuitous "fruit-moose" shot)
Large navel oranges x5, banana (in various stages of ripeness) x5, Mango x1

In the fridge:
Zucchini, Beets, Sweet potatoes, Red potatoes, Chicken breast thawing, Eggs & whites, swiss cheese, deli ham, Almond breeze, box of mixed spring greens for salads.

In the freezer:
Ground Turkey (for more chickpea-turkey burgers), Various mixed vegetables, bag of berries

*note...Mr.K was asking about what size of BNS to get... I advised that I need one about 10inches long and quite thick. Much snickering followed!! When will we grown up? NEVARRRR

So there we have it - I have NO excuses for not getting in good healthy foods for this week. There is lots of great foods that require a little steaming and then are ready for eating.
Foods are made and ready for my lunches, snacks and dinners. I was quite proud yesterday morning that I ate the last orange in the dish - and NONE went bad or had to be tossed out. I've noticed that my fridge - though fuller of greens then ever before has not become a place where veggies go to die. I'm looking at what is in there each night and using the foods that need to be eaten instead of saying, "eff this, I'm ordering pizza".

Speaking of pizza, I was thinking back to last year at this time, my Friday night was "treat night" for me and this is typically what I would have. 1 large double peperoni pizza thin crust (2,800 cal), 2 diet cokes (2 cal), and 1 tub of peanutbutter tracks Ben&Jerry's ice cream (1,440 cal). I can NOT even imagine being able to finish all that anymore. That is 4,242 calories.

HOLY CALORIES BATMAN! Thats 2 days worth of food for me now consumed in one meal - totally under the radar, eaten without even thinking. And not a single nutrient to be found. You want to know what else is funny - I was wondering why my clothes were getting tighter. Its amazing what you can do without even thinking. EVERY Friday... pizza & ice cream night....what a mess!

I'm so glad that I've started changing my life. :)

Walking With Dinosaurs...

***narrators voice over*** The Tamasaurus Rex stalks through the frozen tundra, leaving deep tracks in the icy snow. Stopping the exhausted Tamasaurus's head swings into the wind, and sniffs - it carries the sent of fresh muffins and coffee - she opens her gaping maw and bellows. Nothing is more dangerous in this land then the hungry Tamasaurus, a brutal creature that will stop at nothing for caffeine.****cut scene****

Be afraid people... very afraid!

7.7km... the last 3.5 were tough, it was unploughed walking - so lots of snow to get through and its getting softer as the weather starts to walk up, so not walking so much as slogging, like walking in mud. Let me tell you, my legs are feeling it today and tomorrow is going to be worse! But also good. :D

Eating today has been very random. I have it all in my head, but we'll see what it looks like when I type it out here.....since I've not been keeping track physically all day as I typically do when I'm at the office.

Bfast:
orange (86)
handful of almonds (69)
kashi peanut bar (120)
kashi cherry&choc bar (120)
Snack1:
peach/oatmeal muffin (250)
Snack2:
lrg mochachino with (lite)whip (150)
lrg rice crispy square (360)
Lunch:
vegetarian sammich on whole wheat pumpkin bread (cream cheese with cucumber, sprouts, lettuce, tomato, & pickles) (240)
Dinner:
1cup coconut rice (190)
6oz steak in a Crying Tiger Thai very spicy dish (also had about 8slices of cucumber in it) (350)
2 cookies (260)
1/2 can diet pepsi (1)
Snack3:
1 pot apple sauce (45)

Total calories: 1771

I decided to write this post since I'm actually hungry right now (ate some apple sauce see: snack3)- I wanted to write it out and see what I've had and how much I've had today. I haven't counted calories in a LONG time... over a month - but I thought that today would be a good time to have a quick look to see how I'm doing. Interesting.

When I started counting calories I did the first week where I just wrote what I ate and didn't try to restrict, I just wanted to see what I was consuming... its was over 3,000 a day. I made a sheet to track it all in excel and started lowering the calories that I was eating.... to 2,800, then 2,500... the 2,200. I remember thinking that there would never be a day when I would be able to sustain myself on under 2,000 calories a day. The last while I think that I've been eating around 1,700 - 2,100. Which is actually in the neighborhood that I should be in at the moment.

Water - Excellent for a weekend. I've had 3L already and I'm drinking more right now.

Annoying to note that my rice crispy quare was more calories then my giant steak dish. Arg. That was one thing that I didn't need but I'm so jonesing for sugar these days I don't know what the hell is going on. :( Still not enough greens....let be honest. A pretty shite day for well rounded and nutritious meals.

Tomorrow will be better.

An ode to cravings

A Haiku....because I can! so there!

Sugar, you devil

you torment me with the sweet.

I hate you so much!

Ahh, a bit of Friday night fun.... yeeehaaw! Actually today turned out a lot better food wise then I thought that it might. All afternoon I was lusting after more chocolate flavored coffee and whip cream... I didn't get one. YES!! I went and ate a yogurt.

However, I've not been eating enough fruits and veggies. I've been eating the kashi granola bars etc... which I realize are not "bad" for you, but its not like eating an orange is it. NO.... Tamzin... its NOT.

This weekend I have lots of activities planned, tomorrow I'm going to try and get in a 7.5km walk. If I'm feeling brave AND wearing a supportive (we are talking about buttresses here) sports bra, then I might considered trying to do a run 5 walk 10 kind of arrangement. We shall see!

Non-scale victory.... which I'm sure some of you will relate to. I put on a pair of stretchy yoga type pants after work and they fit better (by better I mean not cutting off the circulation from my upper half to the lower half!). They were an XL from Costco. So at maximum stretch, yet comfy that's about a 1XL I think. And had significantly less (( TMI ALERT )) camel toe then I've had in the resent past.

yep...I'm thinking there is a great place to finish this post. That was a treat from me to the people that read all the way through! teehee!

Friday Nosh

Today I'm feeling better - just over 7 hours of sleep last night, I know that has a lot to do with it. I was looking back through my past few days of eating and there is a significant lack of greens... so I shouldn't have been surprised that I had all those cravings come up.

Today's lunch was a massive spinach salad to pump me full of the good stuff again.

Bfast:
1/4c oatmeal/flax/protein powder - the rest of it was blow up in the nuker! Oops
1 coffee with 2 mini creamers
1 Kashi peanut butter granola bar
Snack1:
1 med skim milk mocha latte (little bit of whip)
Lunch:
2c spinach, 1 hard boiled egg, 2slices of pickled beets, 1/4c sprouts, 3oz ham, 3 broccoli spears, 1/4c mushrooms, 2T black olives, 1T ranch dressing
1 whole grain bun, 1tsp butter
1slice homemade banana bread (could not resist)
Snack2:
1/2c Activia Apple&Grain Yogurt
Snack3:
banana
Snack4: (post walking home)
2x Kashi bar with 2tbsp cashew nut butter
Dinner:
1 12" roasted chicken sub with veggies from the evil empire known as Subway...even though I read that post by Tony at the Anti-Jared, I just couldn't get my sh*t together to cook tonight. 1 small bag of salt and vinegar chips and 1/2 can diet coke (Happily I couldn't bring myself to finish it...Yay coke has become almost unpalatable).

This is really NOT much of a great evening, given the dinner and the pre-dinner snacks. Its another cope out really - where I wanted MUCH MUCH worse things and this was the healthiest that I was going to settle for tonight. I shall have to ensure that I up the activity. Also NOTE TO TAMZIN... do NOT let yourself get too hungry, that really limits your ability to make good rational choices...it will only end in tears on Monday morning on the scale...END NOTE.

Water: Good 3L day AND I'm not peeing anywhere as much as I used to! weeee!

Exercise: walked TO work (1km) and then walked HOME from work (1.5km). Not as much as I was hoping to get in, (insert bevy of excuses here) but I'm getting more regular in getting more in daily. So as long as I keep moving in that direction... I'm making progress.

So, nothing revolutionary for sure, but a good Friday to end the week...even though it seems likely that I'm going to be back in here tomorrow.