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Thank you for stopping by to perv on my blog, as I fight myself to change my old habits and make new ones to get fit. I don't get it right all the time, but I'm still here and I'm still working at it.

Tamzins Double Dog Dare You Ticker!

My homage to the 14lbs that I lost on Allan’s DDDY Challenges. A watering can for the vast oceans of water that I have learned to drink and love every day.





Thursday, January 15, 2009

Cheat to Win?

Today is going to be a good day - I've decided that already. Strange the power and lack of power that I can be given with just my mind. Yesterday, I decided to cheat, and so I did. Today, I know that I won't as I have already made up my mind on it.

Yesterdays non-office cookie eating victory was shallow when compared with the lack of restraint I showed with the rest of my daily choices. I have to keep looking back and remembering what my habits used to be like... and that I am moving in the right direction and that it IS making a difference. My dinner guest last night was totally astounded with how much "weight I'd lost". Its really not the weight lost that is so great - its the 7 inches that have been craved off my frame. :) But I'll take any compliment that I can get at the moment.

I got up this morning and threw the rest of the cookies that I had purchased yesterday, in the garbage. They were $1.99. I'm going to say that I enjoyed the cookies that I ate yesterday at least 3x as much as the cost. And now, I've thrown away the other cookies that would have put me in the red in terms of cost to my goals. So, good deal!

I'm still doing LOTS of things wrong. I'm still trying to cheat to win... like I'm trying to convince myself that "I want my cake, and I want to eat it too" attitude is justified. The sneaky feeling that I can still have the treats that I "want" and get to the goal that I "want". Eventually, there is going to be a time where one of those two wants is going to have to hit the road... in the past, its been the goal.

"I'm big boned, I'm not designed to be thin, Genetics, this is good enough"... ad nausium.... All the things that I tell myself to lose track of what I want. I have to say - that until I saw this blogger I NEVER believed that anyone who looks like me would ever be able to get to look like this. She is done most of her journey, and is more maintaining now - but she is the same height and was near the same starting weight. Her weight loss both inspires and scared me to death... it CAN be done!!! omg... it can be done... but CAN I DO IT???

Why can't I give up the morning mocha's?? Why did I have to have 2 servings of pumpkin custard when I would have enjoyed one?? I guess, I'm asking questions that I'm not able to answer yet. Mentally or even physically. But the good part is that I'm starting to question myself. I've had a few great moments where I've thought that I needed to eat, but instead listened to my body and realized that I was not hungry. What a strange and wonderful feeling that is.

10 comments:

Brandi said...

You know I always say to myself "G.I. Joe was right...knowledge is half the battle"

And its corny but true. Now you KNOW those things about yourself. You KNOW your weaknesses and things you need to work on/look out for. And you KNOW if CAN be done. And a year or two from now that could be you posting all those pictures.

You CAN do it. But you have to know YOU first. Then you can do it together :)

Mel said...

it's crazy how much of an emotional/meltal struggle weight loss can be. I've started to work on that myself and just be really conscious of my thoughts/actions when it comes to food/exercise. Great post!

Jeanne said...

I think we have to get to the root of our food issues before we can truly be successful in this journey. I know that I eat when I am tired....and bored. It took me alot of asking "am I hungry?" whenever I reached for food. Sometimes I truly was...sometimes, not. Now I can identify when I am eating "just because." I can't always CONTROL it...but I'm getting there! This is SUCH a long, hard journey and it's like Oprah says. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STILL TALKING ABOUT MY WEIGHT!!
You think I'd have this figured out by now!!

((hugs))
Jeanne

Loves said...

I feel ya on being secretly a math nerd to! I love doing things like that!

Tena said...

This is a great post! Good for you throwing out those cookies, too.

Thanks for b-day wishes! I'll try to take a pic of my "cheesecake" so I can share!

You can do this! You can!!

Thanks for pointing the way to the blogger, I haven't seen her blog.

Katschi (Karen) said...

Jesus, is it spreading around blogland this week?
I guess we're all coming to the same aha moment together, eh?
Balance. Limits. PATIENCE. WORK.

Those damn cookies get in your mouth & slide down onto your ass. Bad boys. Good for U to get rid of them.

By the end of this year we'll be prancing around in our after shots in little thongs, don't you worry.

Losing Waist! said...

It is true for most people- the mistakes, cheating, whatever... Last September I was 100% sure I was done with pizza forever... well guess what? I am not. I probably should be gone but I can't do it all at once and I have done some great things already.

It seems like you have done some good stuff already too. Keep that in mind!

Loves said...

One of the things that keeps me going when it comes to sweets and stuff like that is nothing tastes as good as thin feels and i feel like that is so true. YOU CAN DO IT. I have the faith in you.

BTW way to throw away those cookies. I dunno about you but sometimes i buy stuff like that over an impulse. And it feels so good after you eat a couple of them then you throw them away. It make me feel like i really do have some self control even though really thinking about it if i did have really good self control i wouldn't have bought them in the first place but that is a whole different thing.

Tanya said...

Thanks so much for the comments you left! I figured why not so I went ahead and did it.

HopeFool said...

I didn't understand this title at first, but wow. You are so right.

I'm nowhere near giving up my morning lattes. Don't feel bad.