Today is going to be a good day - I've decided that already. Strange the power and lack of power that I can be given with just my mind. Yesterday, I decided to cheat, and so I did. Today, I know that I won't as I have already made up my mind on it.
Yesterdays non-office cookie eating victory was shallow when compared with the lack of restraint I showed with the rest of my daily choices. I have to keep looking back and remembering what my habits used to be like... and that I am moving in the right direction and that it IS making a difference. My dinner guest last night was totally astounded with how much "weight I'd lost". Its really not the weight lost that is so great - its the 7 inches that have been craved off my frame. :) But I'll take any compliment that I can get at the moment.
I got up this morning and threw the rest of the cookies that I had purchased yesterday, in the garbage. They were $1.99. I'm going to say that I enjoyed the cookies that I ate yesterday at least 3x as much as the cost. And now, I've thrown away the other cookies that would have put me in the red in terms of cost to my goals. So, good deal!
I'm still doing LOTS of things wrong. I'm still trying to cheat to win... like I'm trying to convince myself that "I want my cake, and I want to eat it too" attitude is justified. The sneaky feeling that I can still have the treats that I "want" and get to the goal that I "want". Eventually, there is going to be a time where one of those two wants is going to have to hit the road... in the past, its been the goal.
"I'm big boned, I'm not designed to be thin, Genetics, this is good enough"... ad nausium.... All the things that I tell myself to lose track of what I want. I have to say - that until I saw this blogger I NEVER believed that anyone who looks like me would ever be able to get to look like this. She is done most of her journey, and is more maintaining now - but she is the same height and was near the same starting weight. Her weight loss both inspires and scared me to death... it CAN be done!!! omg... it can be done... but CAN I DO IT???
Why can't I give up the morning mocha's?? Why did I have to have 2 servings of pumpkin custard when I would have enjoyed one?? I guess, I'm asking questions that I'm not able to answer yet. Mentally or even physically. But the good part is that I'm starting to question myself. I've had a few great moments where I've thought that I needed to eat, but instead listened to my body and realized that I was not hungry. What a strange and wonderful feeling that is.