Well today was good and bad and all things in between rolled together. I'm tired and confused and upset I guess. I managed to resist everything bad for me at the office - even with a moment of weakness... looking at the cookie that I had taken...I put it back when I asked myself if I REALLY wanted it.
I walked home 5km, but I was too hungry and on the way home, I should have had another snack in the afternoon to help, I started having all kinds of crazy food lust - you name it - I wanted to put it in my gob! It was all that I could do to not stop and get something really terrible, but I was already contemplating what to binge on... I knew it was not going to be good.
I ended up stopping and getting a can of beans in tomato sauce, I wandered around in the little corner store - I purposely went to the cash only one - and all I had was $2.50 on me... limited me pretty well. I drooled over crackers and thought about coming back with more money so I could eat them. So terrible. I ended up with a can of beans for my ultimate english comfort food - eggs beans and toast.
I'm over tired, over hungry, stressed out and ended up at the fridge with the can of whip cream stuck in my mouth. Three big mouthfuls and then I put about 1/3 of a cup of it in one of the pumpkin custards and then ate that too.
I know that this behavior more tiring and stressful, its a terrible cycle. It feels disgusting, but what is worse.. is this. I was saving that whip cream in there... because I KNEW that eventually I was going to do that. Now I have to get up tomorrow and weight-in, and get back on this damn bucking horse and try to get my balance again.
The Nitty Gritty - Weight: 275lbs Inches: 324.1
Neck - 16, Bust - 47.5, Ribs - 42, Waist - 48, Hips - 52, L Bicep - 14.6, R Bicep - 14.5, L Thigh - 28, R Thigh -25.9, L Calf - 18.5, R Calf - 18.1.
Weight is up 1.8lbs, but Inches are down by 0.4.
1c Almond Milk
2T protein powder
coffee with cream
1/3c 1% cottage cheese
1med mocha skim milk latte
3/4c meat lasagna
1c BNS mac&cheese
1c mixed veg
3 hearty rye crackers
1 pat butter
1/3c Activia yogurt
1 can beans in tomato sauce
2 poached eggs
3 big mouthfuls whip cream
1/3c whip cream
1/3c pumpkin custard
Water: 2.6L...not good enough.
ug...time for bed. I need to sleep on this Mind-f*ck that I've done to myself today. I know that it will be better tomorrow and on my way to bed, I'm heading to the kitchen to throw away the rest of the whip cream.