2010...This says it all!

See Jane Run!

I really didn't want to (again) go running this morning, but I did!

I ended up at the gym instead of outside as it was raining hard and ... well... I didn't want to dirty up my new pristine runners! hahah What a princess!!!

The run was really quite good once I was started. I even got lost in thought in the last 10min phase and ended up running an extra minute while my mind was off in another place. Amazing!

Of course the "She Wolf" song is timed perfectly for the "gawd damn I don't want to be running" portion of the run, and the "Sexy Chick" song is well positioned for the "walking would be nice right about now" phase! Both songs get me moving and running that little bit harder. I walked for another 20 minutes and was all done!

Managed to get in 55min in total, 3 miles (I think... I forgot to write it down). I feel pretty darn good about it. **BIG SMILE**

Yesterday I dusted off and reworked my of food diary. I have my excel sheet with my total calories for the day with a percentage for Carbs, fat and proteins (55%, 20%, and 25% daily intake respectively). Then I can track each food for calories, carbs, fats and proteins with what my daily should be and see if I can kick start my eating in a new direction. Tracking itself is a wake up - well... more mindful since you have to remember what it was and write it down.

On a side note - the HR woman's (with whom I have an interview on the 5th) name who I misspelled emailed me back with a "not a problem, have a great holiday" email. Phew! And yesterday I was called by an agency regarding another position that I applied for. Fingers crossed for an interview on that one too. I would very much like to rejoin that land of the working!

Another side note - I really want to thank all of you for your comments these last few days. It is really been hard to bite the bullet and accept that I have failed and move forward again. Even blogging can make one feel like they are still isolated. Your comments were very appreciated. You all rock my socks!!! Perspective is free for the taking, but can be hard to get and focus on ones success! You have all given me that with your blogs and your comments, and I thank you.

for the record....

Tonight after dinner I wanted something sweet - but instead of getting ice cream or peanut butter....

I had half an orange!

Proceed at your own risk

What else can I say about this, other then:

Dear Body,

I'm really really sorry that I have treated you like this. I'm also sorry that it had to get this far for me to have to make some changes.

Love,
Me
xo

... ug. I did it... but I'm not happy about it. Updated the side pictures in a fit of inspiration from Greta at the Big Bottom Blogger! For all of you out there that are here looking. I'm sorry for the gratuitous butt shot. But underwear isn't made to hold that in anymore. Well... not any that I own.




















On a side note - I think that it is quite funny that I have almost the same floor and wall colour in my new house as in the last one. HA!

Thirsty

RIGHT NOW... I have not had any water today!!! OMG.... I am getting up and getting water before I go any further with my day. Ahh. Much better.

Warning: This Post is a collection of random shittery.

Food:

This morning I was gripped by the pancake monster - and I was trying to think of some ways that I could work "healthy" & "pancake" together to justify getting pancakes (and syrup) for breakfast. I even started to wash the pan to cook them in, and then I woke up and got out my Red Mill 10 grain hot breakfast cereal, put in some oats, and then stuck that it the nuker for 4 minutes with water! Viola!!! Added a small banana, 1 T of natural peanut butter and 1 T of honey and breakfast was completed. I'm only just starting to get hungry now.

Lunch today is going to be toasted open faced mozz & tomato sandwiches on my double fibre bread with Amys Tomato Bisque soup, with a couple of dill pickles. If you have not tried Amys Tomato Bisque soup, you are missing out! It is outstanding!

Soreness:

I woke up this morning and by the gawds was I sore from yesterdays raking adventure!!! I could ACTUALLY feel an abdominal muscle!! (they are there...somewhere deep in there). I am feeling good though, well worn out and my foot is getting better. I have my acuball-mini out for some stretching.

Activities:

Looking for things to do yesterday I found a couple of organizations that do group hikes in Houston/Texas area. I have a few leads on some weekend activities that will get us up and out of the house.

I'm also thinking about perhaps joining a Dragon boating group. Not too sure on that one yet. I still have no job, so that limits me, as I refuse to buy a car before I get a pay cheque... and of course, no disposable cash without income. So there might be some waiting on that. I'm really missing a social/physical life that I got from sports.

Exercise:

Today I will either 1. go for a walk or 2. go to the gym. Step class is cancelled for the holidays, so that is out. But I will get in something today. I may even attempt my yoga dvd again!

Now, I have had over 1liter of water!!!! and my next task is to start perving on your blogs to see how everyone else is doing. I'm still formulating my plan on what to do about my massive weight gain! I should be dusting off my old excel spreadsheet for food tracking very soon and getting started back into that for one!

Onwards!

So in the massive wake of my weigh in yesterday, I forgot to add in that on Sunday I did a 3.5mile walk, which was 7,000 steps on my pedometer. :)

Today I was supposed to go for my morning run, however after yesterdays walking my plantar fasciitis started acting up - which is always a clear indicator to me that I need to get some new runners - which I did! Asics 2150's! My fave and they carry large and wide sized. Mine are size 10.5 normal, but they do carry up to size 12 wide for the ladies!

I woke up and my poor foot was very sore and stiff (I'm not surprised in light of my 16lbs gain) so I decided that I would walk today instead of running and potentially making it worse. I'm hoping to get in a run tomorrow instead.

So me and Mr. Tamzin went for a walking the sunshine - 2.75miles in 45minutes (5,500 steps). Then we stopped by the HomeHardware for a couple of rakes and spent the next 2 hours in the yard getting all the leaves up and bagged. My GAWDS I'm sore now. Raking is quite the workout.

I've been pretty blue since yesterday, but I'm looking for the light in this, I really am. I'm making a list and checking it twice and I know that I can make changes that are going to impact me in a positive way.

For right now, I'm staying moving, trying to get in more activity and staying positive. I can not let myself side away into the Pity Party that is waiting for me (complete with binge) should I let that get the better of me. This time it won't...the Pity Party will have to go somewhere else for invitees.

Two Hundred and Ninty Seven

297...red balloons?
297...beers on the wall?
297...minutes until blast off?
297...lbs that I now weigh

Right... yesterday I started a post that was all... boo hoo and waaaa and I think I'm fatter and why is life so hard and *BARF* I never finished or posted it.

WHY, you ask??! Because I already knew the answer to that question, and the answer is YES... YES I AM FATTER.

Why? I have asked myself! Because I lack control- scratch that - because I do not take responsibility over what I eat, how much I am eating and combining that with the fact that I get VERY LITTLE exercise. In fact, moving to Houston has cut my general activity by 90%.

I used to walk to and from work, up and down the stairs at the office... maybe only 2 or 3 flights a day, but that is still 100% more then I am getting now. I would get groceries and carry them home, walk on the river on weekends and occasionally get to the gym.

Now... I sit all day on my ever increasing ass, grazing from the fridge and pantry as my boredom and general malaise dictates (which is frequent) as well as eating too much and too many of the wrong things. There have been oranges in the fridge for a week and I have eaten one! Not one a day, but one in a week. I will eat a jar of salted peanuts in 3 days. Why.... because there are peanuts and crackers and soup and bisquick to be made into yummy thing that "make me feel better".

Well... they aren't doing much to help my mood right now.

Today I bought a scale.

I didn't want to - because weighing in at the gym and telling myself that it was wrong was a lot more pleasant on the ego then stepping onto my new scale and seeing the number 297.8 come up.

I have now reached an all new high of 297.8lbs. So there you go... I have increased my maximum weight just over 13months ago from 281 to 297.8lbs. I guess I am going to have to take some new and more horrific pictures to adorn the top of my blog since those pictures are now my some 16lbs LIGHTER then the here and now. OMG that is depressing.

Beautiful, a gain of 16.8lbs.

In the last two months I have also noted that I have begun to have acid reflux. Coincidence... I think not.

Now I will have to become more accountable. Other then that. I just don't know what I'm going to do yet.

Right.....

I have a big "poor me" post in drafts... which I didn't get a chance to finish before heading out to a movie with friends this evening.

Tomorrow morning, me and Mr.Tamzin will be going for a nice long walk in the park and enjoying the lovely winter here. When I come home I will re-read what I wrote and see what light that time and perspective can shed onto it.

I'm betting a lot of light will be shed!

Merry Christmas to all!

Guess who did her run today!?

ME!!!!

haha... got up and lounged in bed with hubby and enjoying some Christmas spirit... then decided that I did indeed have to go, Mr.Tamzin came with for a walk. On the way to the park I REALLY didn't want to do it. Per normal, I was thinking all kinds of things about how to jam out of running and just walk... but in the end, I fired up the ipod and started. Why is that first step so hard?

Got it all done and even added a little more distance to it today. I don't have time to map it all out on mapmyrun.com yet, but I will later. Likely only an extra 100m or so, but more is more.

First 10 was hard, second 10 was actually easier and I got to the end of it and only just realized that it was walking time. Had totally lost track of the minutes!!

Okay - time for a shower and then Christmas Visiting for the day!

Hope that everyone is enjoying their time with family and friends... and (as Tena likes to say) getting in enough water today...even though its a holiday!!!

No Go

Post posting last night I lay awake in bed for another 3 hours. I didn't fall asleep until 1.30 or 2 am. I woke up at 6.30 for my run, covered in sweat and feeling yucky. I turned the alarm off and went back to sleep(ish). I think that my general malaise has finally broken, but it ruined my good streak of running, sadly. :(

However, I was bemoaning that to the husband while he was getting ready for work and he and I will try to get out and do a walk this evening. We have a regular coffee/social gathering on Wednesday evenings - so we will try to get outside, or to the gym before we head over there.

Happily, my legs are feeling great after last night step class! No soreness at all, so that is telling me that things are getting better... and that is the whole point. :) YAY!!

Also on a "face-palm" moment today. I logged in to my mail and saw that the woman who I am interviewing with in the first week of January... I sent her a confirmation for interview and I SPELT HER NAME WRONG. F************CK It is Maria, and I spelt it Marie... I am a total numb skull. Kiss that job bye bye.

Bonus Workout Done!

Step class tonight... I could tell that my aerobics buddy wanted me to say that I didn't want to go - and I was waiting for her to say that she didn't want to go ... but neither of us was willing to be the one to jam on the class since we both need it... so we went.

ha! How is that for forced exercise! And of course - bonus exercise for me! :) I'm going to sleep well tonight since I could hardly keep up. It was brutal!! I was dreanched in sweat after. All in all, a good time was had and my legs and lungs are well worked out!

Then, Hubby suggested dessert post-dinner at said step class friends house and I said, "we really don't need it". He agreed and we returned to the house sans dessert! VICTORY! Then I ate a low-fat pumpkin cookie...which is not that bad/good for you. Its not like a celery stick or anything, but its not a slice of full-fat cheesecake either. So....STILL VICTORY! haha

Running tomorrow....yes I will, yes I will, yes I will!

HUMILIATION

I did it!!!!!!!


I got up this morning and went on my run. It was hard, but not the impossible dream that it was last week. I had to keep telling myself that I would do it - rain, shine, sick, dying, winy... extra winy.... extra extra supreme winy.


I am starting to get a bit sick...I can feel the pressure in my ears... and I was pretty sure that I was going to use that as an excuse to not run this morning... but I didn't. Its just 30 minutes.... if you can't do it, you don't have to, but you have to try. And then I was out the door and off to the park.

Now then.... Running. I like to think of this in the loosest sense of the word. I use the word run and that means that I am "not walking". I would guess that I am moving at about the 3mile an hour pace... if not less. However today...I was out there.... in the final 5 minutes of the run... the thing that I feared the most happened....


A person walking caught up with me. They didn't pass me... but I am pretty sure that it was out of embarrassment for me that they turned around and went back the way they had came from... or got to their car mercifully before they could actually pass me. I did pick up the pace a little when I caught them in the corner of my eye... but by gawds.. I didn't have a lot of gas to give at that stage.

Anyway - I will live, and I will keep running, and soon I won't be passed by walkers!!

Dec 21, 2009 -
5min walk warm up
3x 10min run with 1 min rest between.
2.4miles completed

Also, here is another reason why running in the mornings isn't so bad. I brought my camera for a post run pic today... its so beautiful out.

Sunday Wrap Up

Got in some extra-cise today as well. Just a short one as my legs are still juuuust a little sore from Fridays "run". We went for a quick 20min walk (2,350 steps - 1.1miles) in the sun and fresh air. There is something amazing about getting outside. I'm a sun baby for sure, all the blue sky is really giving me a lot of positive energy!

Also got in our big Sunday Shopping trip... have a few meals planned out for this week and got a couple of the basics that we need for the shelves. The trip around the store was 1,500 steps. I'm enjoying wearing the pedometer. I guess I like to have numbers to look at, especially since I'm not weighing in and don't have a scale! I will have to do some inches soon... perhaps New Years Inches.....

However, all that being said I have already had over a dozen different thoughts about how I am going to skip out on my morning run tomorrow. Ahh that old chestnut, self doubt!

Regardless, I am pressing on. Running clothes are all set. Ipod is ready to go with my watch and runners.... all laid out in a row!

Okay, early to bed tonight! Get my good zzz's in before I get up tomorrow and show myself who's boss!

Walking in a Summer Wonderland!

Today was so BEAUTIFUL out! Blue sky and warm, and I should know, because I come from the up in the great white north. To be able to go for an afternoon walk in the park in shorts and a long sleeved t-shirt and sunglasses is the bestest Christmas present ever!

2.4miles (3.9km) - I didn't take a watch, because it was just a lovely day to get out and get some sun and exercise. 5,500steps!

So that is some bonus working out for today (Hurray!)

Home to leftover stuffed peppers and garlic toast and to watch Elf!!! One of my top three Christmas movies! National Lampoons Christmas Vacation and Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer (the old one with stop motion and the Abominable Snowman!!! eek!)

Food Win today: Driving home from shopping we were going by a Wendy's and I wanted to stop and get a Frosty... but I held my tongue and got home and it didn't kill me! Wow... imagine that! ha ha!

My Current Playslist (by request!)

I've never had so much interest in what I'm listening to.. so here you go Heather, Karen and Jessica!

Most of this is from the Now 32 CD that I just purchased for the specific reason that I knew I needed some new pump me up music for mornings....so I load them onto my itunes at home and put them on my adorable little shuffle.

1. Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson
2. Best I ever Had - Drake
3. Paparazzi - Lady Gaga
4. I gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas
5. Whatcha Waiting for - Gwen Steffane
6. Just Dance - Lady Gaga
7. She Wolf - Shakira (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!) Ahhoooooo
8. Sexy Chick - David Guetta
9. Whatch Say - Jason Derulo
10. Good Girls Go Bad - Cobra Starhip
11. Down - Jay Sean
12. Knock you Down - Keri Hilson
13. I'm on a boat - Lonely Island (lots of F bombs in this in)
14. Battlefield - Jordin Sparks
15. No Surprise - Daughtry

All but track 5, 6 and 13 are from the Now 32 CD. Its sad, but true that I am now too old and out of touch to stay current with the new beats that come out. I have not got MTV and I don't listen to the radio much and I don't go out "clubbing" anymore. All my dance music is +5years and older from when I was living in the UK. These compilation CD's are the only thing keeping me hip to the kids anymore! haha

Enjoy!

Oh Yeah!!!!

I did it!!!! I really didn't want to (okay - I do want to, but the body or mind in alternation tell me that I do not) - but also knew that if I was a jam-tart and didn't do this I would have to admit that I could not even do ONE of my goals.

Dec 18 - 30min Run - 1.52 miles - COMPLETED

I was up - it was a lot easier to keep going. I got my new kicking tunes all loaded into my ipod last night and the CD in the car to pump me up before. It totally worked. I was excited to get out there.... Yes... EXCITED!

I walked for 5min... and in that five minuted I cataloged about 40 excuses for why I should keep walking and NOT run. But it all boiled down to... I promised myself that I would.

I started...

1min 10 sec... well this isnt so bad!
3min 15sec.... OMG HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN RUNNING.. 3 EFFING MINUTES???...shit....
5min 5 sec...holy gawd, how an I going to manage to get through 30min of this...
7min 3 sec... I can't do this....
8min 54sec....maybe this is good enough, I can do one set of ten and then walk the rest...
10min... sweet jebuz a minutes rest!!!!
11min...I will run just as far as I can... if I can't I won't but I have to keep trying....
12min 50 sec... ohhh Shakira's ...She Wolf..... Ahhoooooo
15min..10sec...wait...how much longer... *math math math*.....
18min 4 sec... I will only do 2time 10 mins...that okay right.... I'm starting to hurt...
21min... THANK THE GAWDS FOR WALKING
22min... its only 10 more minutes... I can go as slow as I want, I just HAVE to do it. I WILL DO IT....
27min... only 5min left
28min... only 4min... FOOOUR MINUTES.......wait... no I still have 5min left.. arg
29min...okay 4min...I can do it
30min... 3.more.minutes.
31min... haha I'm on a boat...this song is soooo funny...
32min...my legs hurt
33min... I DID IT!!!!!! well that was a lot of mental torture for something that I can do. :)

Then I did some stretches, and grooved all the way home to more Shakira. Happily I'm only 5min away from the park so the trip is quick!

I got home and while I was changing Mr.Tamzin made me a heart shaped egg on toast with "Love" written in mustard. Awwwwwwwwww Damn I should have taken a picture. He is just the sweetest!

okay. Great start to the day. I can feel the heat creeping up in my quads as I type now. Time for my morning indulgence of Wendy Willams and coffee!!!

What I'm going to give myself for christmas this year....

This year I'm going to give myself a really great gift for Christmas.

This Christmas I'm re-gifting the "I cant's" and I'm giving myself a whole box of the "I wills". This Christmas I'm giving me the freedom to succeed.

This is something that I have not done for 2 years. Succeed. I'm been talking about it, and half heartily attempting it.

Today I am going to spend time setting out my plan and making sure that I have the tools to achieve it. AND... I'm going to SET and TRACK an ACTUAL GOAL. I've been shying away from the G word for a loooong time. Because I've been unwilling to actually TRY.

So here it is:

SMART Goal: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic & Timely

One month goal:

Monday, Wednesday & Friday
7am
3x 10min jogging, 1 min resting between each set

Everything else that I may or may not do in the week is "gravy"...or.. Anti-gravy! HAHA I love it. Anti-gravy! Tuesday step class, yoga at home, walking on weekend, any gym time with hubby. All that is the extra bit that will or won't happen - no sweat. but I WILL RUN THREE TIMES A WEEK IN THE MORNINGS AT 7AM.

Water-a-thon

Today I've had a lot of water! YAY!! I've been peeing a lot! In fact I need to go again so this is going to be short.

I managed to get in a 25min walk today. I also stood in line at the post office for over an hour to send all the holiday cards out. Yikes.... I hope I remember next year to get that done a lot sooner.

I've been headachey all day though, and feeling generally rubbish. Not too sure why, but I'm thinking that my sleeping (which has been exceptionally poor) is part of the reason.

Okay... pee time, then dishes, then packing. Off to Dallas for a couple days. I'm going to see about finding a gym up there for the evenings. Try to get in some time doing something physical.

Will Power Vs Chocolate... WP WINS

Managed to salvage this weekend as best I could. Got in some more water.

We went for a walk on Saturday afternoon, hubby and I did 30min of strong walking - 3,400 steps and about 1.9miles if I remember correctly.

Saturday night we went for dinner with friends, rustic Italian place. I shared a calamari and caprese salad starters and small thin crust oven bakes pizza (caprese also...I do love me some tomatoes, mozza and basil!). Had water (no pop) and felt really good.

These friends are BIG drinkers. In fact, they almost always want to go to the bar and just sit and drink. Which I am not a fan of and they were kind enough (knowing that I am not a drinker) to ask me to suggest some other things for us to do....

Three Words...

Ten.Pin.Bowling

haha! It was great - an hour of throwing 10lbs balls down the lanes. I had a glass of diet dr. pepper. They had massively over poured highballs for cheap and all were happy. We did end up in a bar after for a post bowling drink, I had a gin and tonic. But it was a welcome change to total ass-numbing sitting for three hours.

We are going to give bingo a try too. But I'm going to have to think of some other things that we can do physically to do with them in the evenings or else I'm going to go crazy.

Oh.. and the Will Power part of this post. After dinner they asked me what I wanted to do ... and what I WANTED to say was... lets go for dessert at the Chocolate Bar so that I could scarf down exra large portion of cake.

Anyway - almost snuggle time so I need to wrap this up. My legs are sore and so is my neck and shoulders and arm from the bowling. All in all a good weekend and I'm going to carry this into the coming week.

I have not....

...had any water today
....had a shower
....ate any veggies or fruits
...done anything physical

daily grind depression setting in. All this must change... NOW!

Water time - Shower time - Fruit time - Cleaning time

the more things change - the more they stay the same.

Not a whole lot has been happening in terms of exercise this last few days. By GAWDS I'm a boring ass blogger. I appologize!

So I'm not too pleased about that - however, I'm getting in LOTS of water, and rest. I also had an interview on Thursday afternoon- and I have a second interview tomorrow... fingers crossed.

Food has been solidly 7 out of ten. We have been doing really good about eating in...which is ever so much better in terms of getting in my veg and good proteins. :)

Today I'm making turkey/chickpea meatloaf (modified from the Clean Eating mag for turkey/chickpea burgers), with green beans and couscous. Dessert is a very simple apple & berry crisp with brown "sugar" splenda, cinnamon, nutmeg and a light oat topping. Which I'm sure is going to be very yummy... but have not ever made before.

I'm guessing berries, apple and splenda is going to be a hit and not a swing and a miss.

Other then that, I've been fighting off whatever Mr.Tamzin has had for the last 4 days. I'm not feverish yet - but scratchy throat and plugged ears... so I'm taking it easy at the moment and catching up on Christmas cards and such.

must.get.exercising.

that is all!

new inches...

There was some rearranging... but not a lot of progress.

Neck - 16
Bust - 50
Ribs - 45
Waist - 50
Hips - 53.5
R Arm - 15
L Arm - 14.8
R Leg - 25.5
L Leg - 26
R Calf - 18
L Calf - 18.3

Total Inches: 332.1

That is a grand total of -0.2 inches.

Get Fit on the Road, Get Strong in the Gym, Get lean in the Kitchen

I've been meaning to talk about this for a while.

Get Fit on the Road
Get Strong in the Gym
Get Lean in the Kitchen

My brother came for a visit and we were talking about weight/fitness and all that business. It was nice actually, since he was here minus the family and we never get a lot of time together alone to just hang out and talk. He and I are very very similar (16months apart in age) and at the same time, totally different (insert plenty of psychobabble regarding trouble childhood/broken home/various step-parent issues etc etc).

We both have similar body types, and the same tendency to carry weight in the same areas, but in the end he is fit, and lean and strong and I am fat and out of shape. In fact, I was shocked to see that he now has a six-pack. O.O

He is a firefighter by trade, so this in itself tends to lend itself to more working out and keeping fit ... since their lives depend on it. However, its not like he's always been a lean-six-pack machine. He has been chubby and huffing and wheezing and fat and out of shape in his lifetime... and had some pretty big weight gains and losses. But these last 5 years he has been getting fitter and leaner every time I saw him. It made me think..."hey, what gives??"

What gives is this: I indulge in food and do not get enough exercise. He manages his food, and gets in all the fitness training that he needs - for both job and happiness in body appearance. I eat to alleviate my worries, cure boredom, and bury emotions that I do not want to express. I need to change.

We were in the car and I was telling him the typical bullsh*t that I say - I'm fat but strong, I can walk for miles "fit fat".... and he said to me that these were the words that he said to himself: Get fit on the road, get strong in the gym and get lean in the kitchen. It was a moment with him that I haven't had before. Where, he was (I just I'm just going to infer here since I don't know for sure, but this is what it felt like) telling me that he acknowledged my shape, and had felt the same pain before and this is what he has done to help himself. It felt really really supportive actually. Nice to be next to him and not feel like I was being judged.

While he was here I actually called the sister-in-law and said... "holy crap, he has a six pack now... what has he been doing differently??" And she told me that what she had noticed was that his eating had changed.

Its the sad truth that I have been trying and trying to circumnavigate. Food ... Eating Habits ... Portion Control...

So I'm trying to keep these things in mind because I am an exercise eater. If I exercise...I get to eat more. When really, this is not the case. The gym is where I get fit and strong... the Kitchen is where I get lean. And now I have to make the food choices that will assist that and stop eating the calories that I've burned on the road.

Time to make a sign for the fridge.

Good by Default

Today was a pretty good day - I did my step class this evening and for the most part eating was really good. But this was mostly because there is nothing bad in the house at the moment. If there was... I would have been stuffing it in my face as fast as my little hands would allow.

I suppose this is the reason not to have any around! :)

Breakfast:
oat pancakes (1 egg, 3/4c rolled oats, 1/2c heartsmart bisquick, water) with walnuts and honey
coffee with fat free cream

Lunch:
rice with shrimp in tomato sauce with onions and peas (Husband made it for dinner last night)

Dinner:
Lynn's amazing Butternut Squash Mac&Cheese. I add spinach to mine! And the cheese was a mix of sharp cheddar and white Mexican. Very nice and I'm all full of warm goodness! The Butternut squash was HUGE!

Now its time for bed. Today I did not get enough to drink. I need MORE water. Mostly I got caught at my desk online looking for work and effing about in general... before I sat down I needed to bring my water and I didn't. Big minus!

Must get in my Litre before sleepy time!

Body by Veggies!

I just LOVE this pic. So had to add it into today's post.

I got to the gym today and did 45min on the elliptical machine. 10min hard - 1 min easy 3x. Then 5mins hard/easy on & off to the end.

Managed to burn 720calories and cover 4miles. According to the machine anyway. I was just pleased that 1. I went and that 2. I was all sweaty at the end!!

Had a lovely salad for lunch... spinach leaves, 1/2 green apple, 2 Tbsp red onion and a handful of blackberries with a cherry vinaigrette dressing. VERY nice.

Now I am trying to make sure that I get in all the water that I need today... which I'm struggling with at the moment. So off to refill!

Sunny Saturday/Gloomy Sunday

Saturday the Hubby and I managed a 3.4mile walk. We talked about walking/gym all morning... then got caught up house cleaning and organizing (however I did get down and scrub the kitchen floor on all fours and let me tell you... that is some hard work!). At 3:50 we finally got the motivation to get out and do it.

It was the first time that I've ever worn a pedometer. That was really quite neat I have to say. We did 6,599 steps. :) I like it. Which was great, since I watch a lot of Dr.Oz now (no job) and he has the min daily goal of 10,000 steps. So that one walk was pretty close 70% of my daily steps.

Sunday has been pretty quite. Lots of running around today picking up the weeks shopping and getting all errands done. Not a lot of exercise per say, and I don't think that much is going to get done.

Monday I'm going to have the car, so its job stuff in the morning and then off to the gym to get in at least 45min of cardio on the elliptical. That's the plan anyway.

Turkey Turkey Turkey!

Happy Thanksgiving.

I am about to go out for a walk with the husband, enjoy the sunshine, get some fresh cool air and then come home to start cooking our small Thanksgiving dinner.

Turkey Breast
Corn
Brussel Sprouts
Finger Potatoes
Stuffing
Rosemary bread (very small loaf)
Pumpkin Pie with whipped cream

Today I am going to eat a normal sized plate and one slice of pie. That is all. And I am going to be thankful for family and friends who are not here and for the ability to be able to go out for a walk in the sunshine and thankful for the fact that I do not have to gorge myself at the dinner table to feel something. I feel fantastic today and will savor each moment.

RAWR!

right... my gawds, this WL thing is really kicking my ass.

You know, months and months ago I was lamenting how great it would be to not have to go to work, and stay home, and "cook" all my meals, eat right, go to the gym... yadda yadda yadda...

well here I am. All freshly moved to the US, no job, husband at the office all day and a world of exercise dvd's... yet no motivation to do them. RAWRRRRRR

Regardless, over my stomach bug from last week and now I need to get started on getting back into my routine of yoga in the mornings, and getting some more things going for the evenings.

Activity:

Saturday - gym for 30 hard minutes on the elliptical
Sunday - 1 hour of hard housecleaning
Monday.... tbd....

Food:
This has been getting better... more a function of the kitchen being CLEAN!!! HURRAY... we now have a great place to cook and prep food for dinners. I baked chicken and have made a few dishes now. We are eating out less and less, and that is great news. Now we need a better routine for the rest of life and things will start to fall into place.

Okay...that's all for today. Back in the saddle.

Back on solids!

Last night I had my first real meal in three days. It was... glorious.

Now I have to wean myself off tasty small things, that I could handle, and back into good foods.

And I need to start my yoga again.

Ah... restarting.

now...to perv on the rest of you!

Could have been the Whiskey....

might have been the gin.
Could have been three or four six-packs,
I don't know, but look at the mess I'm in,
My head is like a football, I think I'm gonna die,
Tell me, me oh me oh my,
Wasn't that a party?


oh my... any of you canucks out there will likely recognize that little toon. This weekend we were pretty darn active, my brother was here for the last 5 days, and sadly - left this morning.

However, we took him out for dinner last night and well... all three of us got food poisoning. I don't know what it was, or what kind of bacteria it is... but I am by far the worst, I've been puking and well... you know... all day. I had my first meal of some dry crackers at about 4pm... then some won ton soup - just the broth - at 7pm... I just gave them up to the porcelain gawds.

Hubby is gone to get me some Gatorade/vitamin water to help as well as some pink stuff. I hope it works.

Fingers cross that this has left my system tomorrow. I'm a mess.

More walk'n and water

Well in the wake of my bad weigh in, I'm still not eating too great, but I'm still moving forward. All the comments on that were very apprecited, and very true. Its great to have another perspective from the narrow one that can become the only focus. I know that I was SUPER dehydrated this last week - which is a big factor.

My brother is in town for for five days of visiting - so we are heading out and doing lots of activities. Yesterday I took him on the park walk - it was nice to get out and do some exercise - Yay for 3 miles!! Double bonus of a good walk and one on one visit time with my brother.

I'm going to try and convince the hubby and brother to either go to the gym tonight, or go for a walk. We need it!!!

:)

Fear

Oh yes... its about time for one of these posts. I have been fighting it since last night.

I got to the gym and weighed in last night. Before I got there I was so excited and curious - even a pound down would have been okay - I'm so happy with my inches, that I don't care what the loss is. And that it would not be a loss was not even ANYWHERE near my thoughts.

I stepped on the scale. 290lbs. What The F**K?!!!!!!???!!!! I put on a brave face, but inside I was torn up. a gain for 8 lbs... that... that can't be possible??? Can it.

Fear started to creep up. I got through my step class - I worked hard, my shirt was drenched in sweat and I was exhausted, but instead of feeling good, and thinking about all the wins (how great my legs are looking - that my shorts were loose - that the inches were coming off), all that I could see was the monster in the mirror. The fat gut jiggling as I jumped around on my step, the scale number looming in my brain.... 290lbs? how, why, what.... I know my eating has been poor, but I've been losing inches and doing yoga and step class - exercising at least 5 days a week as well as cleaning and general moving.

Fear. Fear Fear Fear. I can't do this, its too hard, why do I bother if the scale only goes up, what if I can't do it, what if I just keep failing. BLARRRRGGGGGG

I came home and told myself that I wasn't going to think about - remember it or blog about it. I wasn't going to worry about it - post it up, mark it down or make it real. But this fear. It just keeps gripping me.

But... it just keeps sliding up into the foreground of my thoughts. So I guess that means that I really need to talk about it.

Yesterday I was feeling so good, feeling great after my yoga, longer & leaner, like things were getting better.. then this.

This Fear has made weigh loss look impossible, but its not. The Fear is making me think that losing weight is too hard, but its not.

I will do this. I will.

Mission Exercise... Done.

Tonight was step class. I'm starting to be able to keep up with the footwork, so that means I'm working harder! I was sweaty after that.

Did some more house cleaning in the evening, and have been drinking more water, but still not enough. My ab actually cramped!!!! I didn't know that they could do that. I use "they" in the looses sense of the word, since I'm pretty sure that you would have a hard time finding more then a single ab in what is my current midsection.

I'm too tired to go on further with this post. Bed... here I come.

Progress

Right, I did it. I had to break out of the rut that I have been in for the last few days/week.

I did the warm up, the regular yoga section, then the strength section and the cool down. Perfect. Even had a drop of sweat roll off my nose and onto the mat. :) Hurray!!

Next up - get an apple and start some laundry.

Lets see...

Friday was a lot of running around, but no actual workout. Sloth day.

Saturday was clean up the house (more hubby then me), we went for an evening walk in the park - 3miles. It was so nice out at that time.

Sunday was another sloth day, not a lot got accomplished other than a lot of socializing (fun) and 2 glasses of wine in the evening and a catch up with some friend we haven't seen in ages. Which was great. Sundays victory was that we had a full day of visiting complete with potluck... at which I did over eat a bit... but NOT to my usual standard. There was a veggie tray and ate the crap outa that. And managed to drink mostly water, and not all the soda that was there. It was nice to feel like I was more in control of what I was eating, there was less urgency... if you know what I mean. No.... fear feeling. Humm, hard to describe, but that feeling was missing. Which was nice.

Today was not great - until now. I slept late, had breakfast and then spent nearly the entire day job hunting online, then web surfing and getting sweet F.A. done. That yoga was a great break up of that pattern. Now I all warm and stretched out. Its great.

This evening I'm getting a massage (I hope) and more cleaning. My brother is coming for a 5 day visit on Wednesday - so we need to get the house in order. Hoping that tonight the remaining kitchen will be done and we can get moving on some other bits.

Regardless, I'm feeling pretty good. My water intake has been good. Food is still a problem, but its on my list of things that I am working on. Right now my main focus is getting in exercise and drinking water. It seems to be doing its job at the moment. I know that soon I'm going to have to address the food issues.

For now, I'm happy with how I'm progressing.

right now

I have to go and do my yoga dvd right now and get off this stinking laptop.

Inches...2.4 INCHES!!!!!!

Well... looks like I'm not going to get to the gym for a workout - but I am going to go to the park and walk the 3mile loop. As... I am currently eating pumpkin reeses mini treats. ARGGGG

Inches:

Neck - 16.2
Chest - 50
Ribs - 44
Hips - 49.5
L Bicep - 15
R Bicep - 14.6
L Thigh - 27
R Thigh - 26.5
L Calf - 18
R Calf - 17.5

Total Inches: 332.3inches....

HOLY HELLO!!!! that is down 2.4 INCHES!!!!!!!

Thats it... the first thing that I am going to do when I get up from this post is to go and throw away the rest of that candy. My gawds I am crazy!!!!!!!

Yoga....Check

while reading through some more blogs today, I realized that I just needed to get my yoga DONE and not wait until the last minute and then let some excuse come up and do nothing.

So I did it...

5min warm up.... twice ( since I was sore)
10min strength yoga session
5min cool down

so 20min in total, but I did get a good workout and my legs and back were feeling it at the end.

YAY!! I did it. :)

No Step, No Problem

Well, sadly I was cancelled on last night and it was a no go for step class, but not to worry - I had quite a great workout yesterday with all the cleaning.

In the end, I made a healthy and delicious dinner:

Large baking potato baked in the oven
1/2 can tuna in water
1/2 c corn
1/2 c peas
1.5 Tbs Mayo (extra virgin olive oil mayo which is GREAT!!)
2oz cheddar cheese
all mixed up and put in the potato. It was very yum.

Then Hubby and I did a couple more hours of cleaning/clearing out.

There are no 7 bags of old clothes to go to the donation center and about 10 extra bags of trash for Fridays pick up. :) Phew, all that pushing and pulling and bending and carrying has worn me out.

I woke up this morning and I was one sore lady! I did a bunch more shuffling of stuff and getting more stuff done. There is now a great cleared out space for me to put my desk in (woohoo Ikea here we come) and then I can get off this terrible laptop and get on my PC. Hurray!

I have to get on my yoga... or go to the gym tonight, even if I have to do it on my own. We shall see how this evening shapes up.

Sweaty Betty

I had an excellent sleep last night (well - as excellent as I get - I have a lot of nightmares and always have) just about 12 hours! We were in bed at 10pm last night, and I didn't get up until 10am this morning.

Amazing what a good nights rest can do for mood!

Today I did about 3 hours of cleaning: Organizing and cleaning out the laundry room, vacuuming the house, scrubbed all the fronts of the cupboards, and mopped/scrubbed the kitchen floor. Sweet zombie jebuz cleaning is hard work!!

An Open Letter to Mop Makers

Dear consumer product cleaning implement maker,

Why do you make your products so bloody flimsy so that one session of cleaning virtually destroys the product. Your packaging did not say that I was going to be paying $10 for a single use product? I wish that I had not thrown the receipt away or I would return it and get another one, then at least I would have paid $5 for each mop session instead of $10.

Kind Regards,
Unsatisfied (Possibly Overly Strong) Moper

Anyway, the floor is looking good and the cupboards are all clean and bright, and I am a tired lady. AND... tonight is STEP CLASS!!!

So I'm resting up a little, and getting in some more water and a snack (pink lady apple and Almond Nut-thins - cheddar cheese flavor) , both very nummy.

Speaking of...I totally forgot to post my WIN WIN WIN. Eat Oxygen had a giveaway and I was the very lucky winner. of a case of Chobani Greek Yogurt!!! So a thank you to Kristin for the fab yogurts coming my way, and for her great blog with lots of interesting recipes!

Nap time!

Monday Monday

BLARG....Monday. :(

Thats how I'm feeling about everything today. At 2pm I finally forced myself to get out of the house and go for a walk. I did a lap around the park - 3miles. It was really nice out - warm and sunny! It has improved my Monday substantially.

It was great to get out there and get it done. It was getting pretty critical as I was halfway through a bag of "low fat" chips when I finally pried myself off the couch and got moving.

I'm feeling pretty Meh about life today ...I'm sure that its just a combo of the blas and the stress of life my life catching up with me. I need a job, need to get unpacked, need to get the house cleared out first, need to do this, need to do that...its just all overwhelming, so I think that tomorrow is going to be list day. Get the pen and paper out and get a priority list out of things that need doing, and then I can feel better about crossing off duties!

However, today I'm just REALLY glad that I managed to do something active when I didn't want to.

Saturday & Sunday were a bust. We ended up doing a lot of running around, but no actual exercise.

I've been starting my mornings okay food wise, but I've been sneaking in more and more junk. Not good. So I have been trying to make sure that I eat before I'm famished. Happily this Halloween I had only.....

ONE SINGLE MINI TREAT!!

Yes, that is all. It was a Babe Ruth (I'd never had one of those before or I wouldn't have had anything).

New "Classic Me"

Wednesday.... the best laid plans... did not go as planned. After my glorious post of lost inches and that "success breeds success", I did not get to my yoga. In all honesty - I can not remember why. But I'm sure it had something to do with watching season one of Heroes on DVD and not wanting to bother getting my yoga on.

Yesterday I was planning on yoga AND gym in the evening (you know... to make up for not doing yoga on Wednesday). Hubby has his bass guitar lessons on Thursday - so I go to the gym and he picks me up after. Then in mid afternoon I decided that I would just "work EXTRA hard" at the gym and not do yoga...

This is such a slippery slope for me. I have a history of taking small wins and turning them into massive fails...

But the weather took a turn for the worse yesterday, and by the time that Mr.Tamzin arrived home there was street flood warnings and we had been on tornado watch for most of the day.

So, no gym and no bass lesson. And I very very very nearly decided to not do anything that evening.

BUT... fear not brave bloggers.....

I pulled up my socks, and put on my yoga clothes and did it. In fact, I did it better and harder then I have yet. I got all sweaty, and worked really hard, and I can see a difference in my ability to stretch and reach and hold and I was deeper in the lunge poses. :) YAY!!!

Classic me. One day of lax and it can set off a chain of lackadaisical efforts and excuse making. However, this time I did it and got myself back in. So I guess this is the new me - that can always find time to do 30min of yoga in my living room.

**Big Grin**

okay - and since I need to start doing this too.

Here is breakfast today:

12 coffee with 2oz fat-free half & half (don't ask... I dont know how you can have fat free cream, but it is and its tasty!)
1 pot Plum& Walnut greek yogurt
6 extra Walnuts on top
1 whole wheat pita
3TBS natural peanutbutter
1 med banana

Snack 1:
1 gingersnap LaraBar

Lunch:
2cups Ginger/Carrot soup
1 Whole wheat pita
1tbs marg

Snack 2:
Pink Lady Apple

Comes with the territory!

Before I get started into the fatness/fitness part of my life.... yesterday (and the day before) I was subjected to the "palmetto bug"...or what I call one MASSIVE ASS COCKROACH!

Happily the husband was around to kill them with bug spray and clean up the remains. But my gawds... they are HUGE and SCARY. :( I know that down this way these bugs are more common, and when it gets really wet outside they like to find their way inside of places, but I have dedicated our home to a kill zone. No cockroach will get clemency of any kind.

Anyway - back on track.

Step class last night... SO sweaty! It was great and my legs are good and sore today (but not the agony of last week). However, I totally forgot to weigh in. So, in exchange I am going to do my measurements and hope that we get to the gym later this week and do my weigh in.

Right, here we go....

Neck - 16.5

Chest - 51.5

Ribs - 46.5

Waist - 49.5

Hips - 53

L Bicep - 14.5

R Bicep - 15

L Thigh - 27

R Thigh - 26

L Calf - 18

R Calf - 17.2

Total Inches: 334.7inches

WOOOWOOOO - 5.3 INCHES LOST!! :)

I was starting to think about NOT doing my yoga today, but this has cheered me up - and I will do my yoga today.

Don't you love how success breeds success!

Did It!

I got in my yoga yesterday - right after I finished posting I had a company call for an interview(HURRAY), so I did a quick bit of yoga - the warm up-strength level-and cool down. It was only 2omin in total of activity, but that is better then nothing.

Quickly showered and made myself presentable for the interview. Fingers crossed that something comes to fruition soon - I'm not too sure that this is the office for me, but it is still nice to be interviewed and thought of as qualified. :)

Hubby had to work late again, so there was no gym session the evening.

Tonight I have my step class - hoping its a little less painful this week. It has to be - last time was hellish!! hahah My poor calves were on fire for days.

Right, I have to remember to weigh myself at the gym this evening!!!

again

Here we go again with my lack of motivation. I've not had any water today AND I've been procrastinating on getting anything done... i.e. Yoga.

So I have to post again to say that I will do it... so that I do!

Happily the last time I did my yoga I had a look at the other two levels and they are NOT what I thought,,, which was harder yoga positions. Level 2 is abs/Pilate's style and Level 3 is weights/strength style.

So today I will do the strength one. :)

Then I will shower and make a late lunch and watch Hero's - season 1 and do some sewing or something else crafty.

Hoping that Hubby and I will go to the gym tonight, but the weather is terrible, so not too sure if that will happen.

Sunday - total shite - Mr. K was at work ALL DAY. I dropped him there at 9.30am and he wasn't home until 11pm. Total rubbish. So we have to make up for it this week. Need a date night. I didn't do anything exercise wise - and I should have. I did do a lot of chores around the house, but that was it.

wasted day

Friday night the Hubby wanted to go to the gym, but it was SO BLOODY LOVELY out that I insisted that we go for a walk int the city park. 3miles I believe! Poor guy, he really likes lifting weights and really didn't want to go walking.... but he is good to me so agreed to go.

It was great, I loved getting outside and walking, it just feels good to me. Plus, there were bullfrogs starting to sound off for mates.

Today was a total write off however. Hubby was called into work in mid morning, so I was left at home. Another friend called over to entertain me, but in the end we didn't do anything very physical - helped with some clean up at her house, and then she dropped me at the husbands office, and I spend a good deal of time reading my book and the paper waiting for him to finish up. I wish that I had stayed home - at least then I could have done my yoga dvd... oh well - I'll do that tomorrow.

Hope Saturday was good to you all.

Procrastination Station

Lazy Train pulling into Procrastination station....

I've spent the last hour effing about on the Internet and reorganizing my blog instead of getting up and doing my 30min yoga DVD. Its 30 minutes!!!!!!!! I can do anything for 30 minutes.

Second goal today... see if I can convince the hubby to go to the gym tonight. :D

oh my aching....

Tuesday step class was a killer, I was DRENCHED in sweat 10min in and I had trouble keeping pace the whole time. Which is good I suppose, since its it a once a week class for the next three weeks, then twice a week after that. Saturday mornings and Tuesday evenings. I'm excited, and its nice to have someone to go with. One of my new TX friends - the wife of my husbands buddy is taking me with her.

... except for the fact that the aerobics room... the back wall is all glass, and your butt faces out to the cardio floor....

Its a little awkward, with my extreme swass and bra sweat - but whatever, if they want to look - that's their problem! haha

Wednesday, I was sore sore sore SORE! My arms were aching from Monday's weights, and my calves have been on fire for all Wednesday and even a little this morning. I skipped yoga on Wednesday, since I didn't want to howl in pain for 30min.

This morning I was up early for another immigration appointment (8am!), have now done my job hunting online, and had my breakfast and coffee. The day is shaping up nicely.

Today I will do my yoga, and get in some more water.

This last few days Water has been good, and eating has been fair - still eating out a bit, but in general, I'm getting more fruits & veg in me, and feeling good. yay!

Yoga mats... here I come.

Here I go again

Last night post workout I did my first weigh in for several months. And I'm back up to where I started in November 2008. So a year later, and I'm at 281.8lbs, so really I'm a pound more then when I started a ear ago.

Depressing... yes, but no so depressing that I won't start this over. There is so much new going on right now with my life, that really - its okay. Its the jumping in point that I need.

Last night was gym time with hubby and friend.

10min elliptical
seated military press - 25lbs x2
Incline bench press - 35lbs x2
drag curls - 15lbs x2
lat pulldowns - 100lbs
decline bench press - 35lbs x2

we did 4 reps of each exercise, and it was... HARD! I've not lifted weights for a good 4 months!! My shoulders and back are aching today. But the good ache, so I'm pleased.

Tonight is step class, so I'm looking forward to that. Must get some more water in me!

Tomorrow... more thinking on my goals and what I want to do here. And how I'm going to do it.

walking weekend

This weekend we did a 3mile walk (4.8km) on Sunday - it was great, the walking and the weather. Lovely sunny and not too hot.

Saturday was moving and shopping. We had a new couch and love seat to move in, as well as the tv stand to set up and re-org the living area. Ahhh adjusting to new home still.

Food - total shite. Kitchen did not get cleaned up and its a total mess. We are still eating out a lot. I'm making some better choices, but still... its hard. Last night we did go and get some fresh fruit and veg for this week. I have apples, grapes, bananas, carrots, humus, cottage cheese and all kinds of good things to eat. So that is looking up.

Exercise.... gym tonight!! My legs are a little warm from the walking, which is nice. Nice to know that they are there, haha. I am a little nervous about tonight for one reason... weigh in! I'm going to weigh in for the first time in MONTHS. But, just like the inches, it needs to be done.

Water - getting better. Some days still better, but I have a pretty good system.

I do need to get some more containers and get the veggies cut up for easy eating.

Other then that - the living room is a mess from all the junk and I didn't do my yoga today. But I plan on working hard tonight and tomorrow... step class!! :)

okay - time to get some more water

Crying over cookies

Yesterday I was good with water - got over 2L in... which has been a hard sell for me lately - sitting around and not doing much has made it hard to get my water in. And I did my yoga dvd as well - getting ready to get it done again today. Yoga is hard. :( haha But I'm enjoying it for sure. I do love me some Warrior pose.

Food wise... very bad. Me and the hubby are over eaters... and when one is off track the other is more then happy to jump on that wagon.

We went out for lunch to a deli and I knew that I was going to have a salad... but I ordered the Cesar (ug) and then... we shared a banana cream pie slice. WTF? Its lunch, we don't need dessert.

Then dinner was mexican nachos with queso (cheesey goodness) and I had a mango liquado (mango, ice and milk). The we stopped for some groceries and the hubby picked up some pecan/caramel cookies. I should have said no. I was full from dinner and didn't want any cookies... but when he opened them in the car, oh yes... I ate one. The last mouthful of cookie that I had in my fingers I threw out the window.

Mr. K asked what that was?? Which sparked the , "I'm so fat, why am I eating cookies" waterfall, and all that jazz. Poor guy. I'm so out of sorts from moving and of course, my crushing self loathing at the moment. I can't go out - I hate his friends seeing how gross I look, my clothing doesn't fit right. BLARG.

Anyway, this weekend we are going to do a massive kitchen clean-up and get that all in order and then we can get into cooking good foods instead of getting take out and going out to eat all the time.

Next week I'm going to start diving the hubby to work so that I can get to the gym in the mornings, and then pick him up in the afternoons. That will be a good bit more fun for me and less laying around feeling sorry for myself.

:)

okay... almost yoga time.

EDIT:

right - after procrastination via blog surfing (many thanks to Karens post on Fitcetera I sent and did my workout) I read another post from Tena about attitude adjustment (No wonder I've missed reading my fav blogs) which was the same reason that I wanted to add this.

One Good Thing..
The one good thing that I've done is no longer order pop/softdrinks/sweet tea when eating out. I always order water. Its going very well.

New inches...

because reality calls....

neck - 16.5
chest - 51
ribs - 49
waist - 50
hips - 54
arm - right - 15
arm - left - 15
thigh - right - 27
thigh - left- 27
calf - right - 18
calf - left - 17.5
Total Inches - 340

Taaa Daaaa!!!

well its been nearly a month and I am now well landed in Houston and enjoying the heat...from inside my air conditioned home. LOL

Not much has been going on in terms of fitness and eating well. But traveling and (insert many excuses) moving s]etc have been keeping me occupied.

We've been eating out a lot and I do love the queso... but not much in the way of exercise at all.

Yesterday I bought the Biggest Loser Yoga DVD, which I completed today...sweaty! and hard, I cant get into some of the positions and, of course, the belly gets in the way of some of the transition moves.

And then today, because I knew that I needed to do this sooner rather then later, I bought a gym membership. I have a friend here who is going to take me for step class on Saturday mornings, and now me and the hubby can get back in the gym together. I can't wait!!!!!

Also, signing in and starting blogging again... need to get on top of this as well. :)

So now my new morning routine will be

- 8.30am coffee, breakfast and job search
- 10am Wendy Williams show
- 11am BL Yoga
- 11.30 shower, blog, lunch and surf net

well.. until I get a job, so I better enjoy it while it lasts! :)

America...here I come

All my immigration papers are processed and I have been APPROVED!!! I've also been on three flights and been all across Canada getting my things in order, but that is done and dusted and well worth it.

I'm currently holed up at my Mums house for the next 7 days until we drive to Texas... yes, thats right, we are Driving!! :D

Actually - I'm looking forward to it, I think a cross country tour is going to be really interesting, a little tiring, but interesting.

I've been eating poorly - and not getting as much exercise in as I should, but now I have seven days to relax and just enjoy myself. My sister-in-law and I are going to do a bunch of local hikes and get out to enjoy my hometown before I leave.

Today I bought a 4L jug of water for the fridge and my goal this week is to drive it all each day. We shall see how it goes!!

okay - thats my quick note - not too sure when I will get on next. I'm thinking about you all though... I can't wait to have my computer set up again and my own space to live in so that I can get back in the loop.
xo
Tamzin

A quick TY and update!

just a quick TY to all who read and posted (or just read! I like that too). Been a busy weekend - and a busy week coming up.

I'm still thinking and trying to do better and get my arse moving more. All the same same for fatness and fitness.

On the fun side of things... tomorrow is my last day at my job. This coming weekend I have my immigration interview with the US Embassy... then I should have my Permanent Residency for the end of next week.... and I'm TX bound at the end of this month.

Its going to be a lot of packing, traveling, flights, and general moving and shifting of all my things. So I'm going to try and stay focused on eating and not getting too out of hand.

Anyway - HAPPY DAYS are coming soon.

:)

Salad & Shopping

Yesterday we had a huge salad left over from a catered lunch at the office. Just a big 'ol green salad with some cherry tomatoes and baby carrots. Nothing too interesting... and typically what happens is that post-lunch it goes into the office fridge and then stays there until it rots and gets tossed out in a week.

So .... I grabbed that salad and took it home with me! The household plan WAS going to be ordering in Chinese food for dinner however, what DID happen was that we got a roasted chicken and a loaf of French bread and had chicken, salad and bread for dinner. What is it about white bread with butter that is like my kryptonite? I had 3 pieces. But, I ate a massive amount of greens. It was nice. I was happy and instead of $50 on take out - we spent ohhh.... $12.00 on dinner for four.

I feel very happy.

Post dinner I went out to do a little clothing shopping. I had a gift card that was "Spend $100 and get $50 off". That is the kind of deal that I can not resist. Get $100 of clothing for $50...
There really wasn't much there that looked good on me - or that I liked. Honestly - I've never had so much trouble spending $100 before in my life. Then.. a sad thing happend.

I needed to try on a long sleeve white shirt under a jacket and the customer service lady was helping. Now please bear in mind that this is a plus size shop and I know I shouldn't be so upset, but I am. She looked at me and said "you're a 2x right".

Shamefully I am. Well - not shamefully...okay... Yes...shamefully I am. And I'd been trying to tell myself that its not that bad…but it is.

I remember when I was an an 16/18 in shirts... then an X and then a 1x and now... I'm a 2x and I'd been looking through the clothes and trying to convince myself that its just the clothes and not me. But it IS ME... I'm too F*cking Fat. I log into my blog here and SEE MY PHOTOS and you know… its totally disconnected - like that isn't even me. I DON'T see that when I'm walking around or putting on my clothes - but that IS what I look like. ARGGGGGGG

So after all that... I'm feeling like rubbish, I don't want to be a 2x, but I don't seem to want to make any changes in my life either? Do I? I say I do, but I feel like I never make any choices that support that. "Lady, put the bread down and move away from the table"!

I walked to work this morning - and I'll walk home tonight - and try to eat better and get my water in and keep moving in the right direction. It's just that the experience took the wind out of my sail for a bit. I guess, just htat someone could SEE my fat and know just how big I am. That is what was upsetting.

okay. Enough moaning myrtle for today. I have to just keep going forward.

Poopapotamus

well... if the title isn't enough to tell you this is a TMI post then you have been warned! :)

Day 2 at the new place... I'm back living with the bad-food friends. :( Its kind of a hard place to stay as they are such good friends, but with such HORRIBLE eating habits.

Today, I felt the effects of what a diet change like that can do. For the last three weeks while I was on my own cooking and eating pretty darn well 90% of the time I had these lovely fluffy fat poops full of fibre and not hard on the butthole....

Today I just had an event in the ladies loo at the office which can only be described as... liquid trauma.

Monday night:
White pasta manicotti stuffed with 2% cottage cheese, spinach (hardly visible) and meat - lots and lots of ground beef on top with some stewed tomatoes - covered in parmasagne cheese.

Tuesday night:
Turkey pot pie - fried turkey with frozen veg (peas and carrots), potatoes and mushrooms in a flour based sauce in a pie shell... covered with another pie shell (because one can not get enough of pie crust at dinner).... thats all.

Now- don't get me wrong - was it yummy. Hell YES. I heart pie crust a lot. But my toasted flax bread with mustard, ham, tomato and cheese sandwiches with side serving of red grapes was a hell of a lot better for me... and for my butthole.

:( must get in more fruits and fibres asap!