Thank you for stopping by to perv on my blog, as I fight myself to change my old habits and make new ones to get fit. I don't get it right all the time, but I'm still here and I'm still working at it.

Tamzins Double Dog Dare You Ticker!

My homage to the 14lbs that I lost on Allan’s DDDY Challenges. A watering can for the vast oceans of water that I have learned to drink and love every day.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Two Hundred and Ninty Seven

297...red balloons?
297...beers on the wall?
297...minutes until blast off?
297...lbs that I now weigh

Right... yesterday I started a post that was all... boo hoo and waaaa and I think I'm fatter and why is life so hard and *BARF* I never finished or posted it.

WHY, you ask??! Because I already knew the answer to that question, and the answer is YES... YES I AM FATTER.

Why? I have asked myself! Because I lack control- scratch that - because I do not take responsibility over what I eat, how much I am eating and combining that with the fact that I get VERY LITTLE exercise. In fact, moving to Houston has cut my general activity by 90%.

I used to walk to and from work, up and down the stairs at the office... maybe only 2 or 3 flights a day, but that is still 100% more then I am getting now. I would get groceries and carry them home, walk on the river on weekends and occasionally get to the gym.

Now... I sit all day on my ever increasing ass, grazing from the fridge and pantry as my boredom and general malaise dictates (which is frequent) as well as eating too much and too many of the wrong things. There have been oranges in the fridge for a week and I have eaten one! Not one a day, but one in a week. I will eat a jar of salted peanuts in 3 days. Why.... because there are peanuts and crackers and soup and bisquick to be made into yummy thing that "make me feel better".

Well... they aren't doing much to help my mood right now.

Today I bought a scale.

I didn't want to - because weighing in at the gym and telling myself that it was wrong was a lot more pleasant on the ego then stepping onto my new scale and seeing the number 297.8 come up.

I have now reached an all new high of 297.8lbs. So there you go... I have increased my maximum weight just over 13months ago from 281 to 297.8lbs. I guess I am going to have to take some new and more horrific pictures to adorn the top of my blog since those pictures are now my some 16lbs LIGHTER then the here and now. OMG that is depressing.

Beautiful, a gain of 16.8lbs.

In the last two months I have also noted that I have begun to have acid reflux. Coincidence... I think not.

Now I will have to become more accountable. Other then that. I just don't know what I'm going to do yet.


Friend of the Bear said...

Hi Tamzin. So sorry things have gone in the wrong direction. It is just about making a choice of what is more important to you and I think at this stage it sounds like you're really done with being this size and really ready to lose some weight.

You can do it!

Bearfriend xx

Tamzin said...

:) Yes, now is the time to make real life changes.

Thank you for your comments, they really do help.

spunkysuzi said...

Lately i've made a rule that i only eat sitting down at the table, no book, no computer and i take small bites and eat slowly. You won't believe it but quite often i'm full before i've finished my meal.
This journey can be so hard!!
I know you will figure what works for you.

Deb said...

Tamzin, right there with you, sister. I started 2009 at just under 338 and am ending it around 347. I also published a new photo of myself as the one I had on my blog from April 2008 was of me at 315.

I understand the disappointment and frustration. What's done is done. Nothing can change it. We can only move on. I look forward to doing that with you.

Amazon Runner said...

Hi Sweetie, I am so sympathetic. I go to the doc on Tuesday and will get weighed that day. I REALLY want to be under 300 but since I attended THREE parties Christmas week-- and ate and drank wine at all of them, plus ate on Christmas day--- my weigh in could be a friggen disaster and I have so much apprehension.

All we can so is renew our commitment to focus on our goals and hope to do better in 2010.

Lila Leeds said...

I totally understand, at least you had the balls to get on the scale, I'm too p1ssweak to do that.

I'll do it on 01/01/10, because I reckon 2010 is our year :)

jo said...

You know, moving is one of the most stressful things one can do. So now you realize the stress/changes have done, time to counter it.

You can do this. Don't wait for 2010, start now. Eat an orange. Make small goals: Today I will do X, tomorrow Y, the next day Z. Build your confidence and momentum.

We're here for you.

Katie J said...

Try not to beat yourself up too much. Putting it out there was a step in the right direction. You can start right NOW like Jo said. It is not an easy road and I am almost twice your age so it makes it harder but YOU deserve to be healthy AND happy my dear!