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Thank you for stopping by to perv on my blog, as I fight myself to change my old habits and make new ones to get fit. I don't get it right all the time, but I'm still here and I'm still working at it.

Tamzins Double Dog Dare You Ticker!

My homage to the 14lbs that I lost on Allan’s DDDY Challenges. A watering can for the vast oceans of water that I have learned to drink and love every day.





Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Fear

Oh yes... its about time for one of these posts. I have been fighting it since last night.

I got to the gym and weighed in last night. Before I got there I was so excited and curious - even a pound down would have been okay - I'm so happy with my inches, that I don't care what the loss is. And that it would not be a loss was not even ANYWHERE near my thoughts.

I stepped on the scale. 290lbs. What The F**K?!!!!!!???!!!! I put on a brave face, but inside I was torn up. a gain for 8 lbs... that... that can't be possible??? Can it.

Fear started to creep up. I got through my step class - I worked hard, my shirt was drenched in sweat and I was exhausted, but instead of feeling good, and thinking about all the wins (how great my legs are looking - that my shorts were loose - that the inches were coming off), all that I could see was the monster in the mirror. The fat gut jiggling as I jumped around on my step, the scale number looming in my brain.... 290lbs? how, why, what.... I know my eating has been poor, but I've been losing inches and doing yoga and step class - exercising at least 5 days a week as well as cleaning and general moving.

Fear. Fear Fear Fear. I can't do this, its too hard, why do I bother if the scale only goes up, what if I can't do it, what if I just keep failing. BLARRRRGGGGGG

I came home and told myself that I wasn't going to think about - remember it or blog about it. I wasn't going to worry about it - post it up, mark it down or make it real. But this fear. It just keeps gripping me.

But... it just keeps sliding up into the foreground of my thoughts. So I guess that means that I really need to talk about it.

Yesterday I was feeling so good, feeling great after my yoga, longer & leaner, like things were getting better.. then this.

This Fear has made weigh loss look impossible, but its not. The Fear is making me think that losing weight is too hard, but its not.



I will do this. I will.

7 comments:

Christy in Seattle said...

Take a breath! It is ENTIRELY possible to put on 8 pounds of water weight in a single day!

Water weight gain is such a disheartening and tricky thing! I've had some compelling reasons to learn something about it while I'm trying to lose all my weight.

If I were you, I'd up your water intake and start weighing yourself right after your morning tinkle, either naked or wearing light clothing. That way, your weigh-ins are comparing apples to apples. It is possible to hold onto water weight overnight, as well, especially if you are starting to have high blood pressure because of the weight. That's just what happened to me! Also, going from a place of "not fit" to "fit" DOES cause muscle fibers to retain water, too, as they go thru their breakdown / rebuilding phase.

Some people tend to hold onto more sodium (and thus more water). It's a genetic thing. It actually benefits you if you live in an extremely hot and humid climate. Things like balancing your potassium and sodium intakes are key to keeping water weight manageable.

I'm not trying to come across like I know it all, because I'm just barely starting to understand some of this, too. Don't be afraid that it's all fat, though, it almost surely isn't. Remember to have gained 8 pounds of actual FAT, you would have consume a whopping 28.000 more calories than you've burned!

Hang in there!

100in12 said...

you will indeed. scales are tricky things, and aren't always reliable. that doesn't mean it's easy to get over when numbers aren't in your favor, but still!

and ditto to everything christy said. she's a smart cookie!

stick with it.

spunkysuzi said...

I know you'll do it :) I'm one of those people that can easily gain 5-6 pounds in a day and i'm only 5' 0"!! But on the other hand if i drink lots of water and don't eat too many salty things it comes right off again.
Try weighing yourself and the same time and i'm sure that will help.

SeaShore said...

Scales don't tell the whole story, fluid retention being one reason. Trust your inches lost.

jo said...

Throw the damned scale away, don't get on it at the gym, and listen to your shrinking gut.

Feel good, you're working hard.

hugs

Sweety On A Diet said...

Hang in there, next time you weigh-in, you will be down!

BTW, do you take measurements too?

Tamzin said...

Thank you all. Its tough to read one thing and feel another. I'm just going to have to keep feeling my way along. :)

But your comments have have helped LOTS!

Spanks
Tamzin