Sunday Sinning

Well, I wish that I could say that I've been good this weekend and done all the right things and not eaten badly. But I haven't, I've been bad.

I'm freaked out about my weigh-in tomorrow, and I will not be surprised to have gained back what I have lost in the last 2 weeks. Sadly, the good brain has told me to stop, but I still decided that it was much nicer to keep munching.

The offending treats arrived here via an office auction where I bid on a basket of goodies in the spirit of charity (and re-gifting). I bid, quite low actually, with the hope that I would LOSE. Sadly, I won. It stayed intact for 2 weeks, until this weekend when I thought that I should break it up and get everything into piles for re-gifting (HA! how cheap is that?! the good 'ol Scottish side of me coming out).

WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!!!! "hello, I'm a recovering coke addict, but I'm just going to cut this blow into lines so that you all can snort."

Needless to say, I've eaten more of it then I would care to admit. I managed to throw away most of the treats before I eat it all. Typically stuffing in my mouth while I dumped the rest into the trashcan.

The numbers will tell me tomorrow what I know already, that unless I really want to change and make sacrifices, that I'm not going to make any headway. I've been reading lots of blogs and watching everyone's triumphs and set-backs and seen how much attitude has to do with success. Mine stinks at teh moment.

I had a very strange moment in the mirror today. I noticed that yesterday I was looking at myself and seeing the progress and feeling good. Today (with a poor mental shift) I caught a glimpse of myself and was appalled by my troll-esk dumpy fat appearance. Holy fun house-mirror mind. :( .....but there is NO WAY that my body has changed that much overnight that I can go from okay to ogre in 12 hours???? .... I mean, I ate too much but it wasn't THAT much.

That's enough of that for now. On to the good news.

I found this pumpkin custard recipe at both Lyns and Debbies blogs a while ago and I finally got the chance to try it out. AND I found Almond breeze, Katschi I can't even tell you how excited I am to try this out!!!!

In my oven right now is baking:

PUMPKIN CUSTARD
In a bowl mix together:
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup splenda (I found Splenda-brown sugar and used 1/2c of that)
1 tsp cinnamon (didn't have any of that... where the h. e. double hockey sticks did it go?)
1/2 tsp allspice (nope)
1/4 tsp ground ginger (YES...put in extra to make up for no all-spice and cinnamon)
1/2 tsp salt (yes)
Then add:
1/2 c egg beaters, or 4 egg whites
1 15 ounce can pumpkin
Mix tog. using a wire whisk.
Slowly add:
1 1/2 cups original or unsweetened vanilla almond breeze (40-60 cal/cup)
Pour into a 9 or 10 inch pie plate sprayed with pam. Bake at 350 degrees for 40-50 minutes. Center is slightly wiggly when you bump it. Cool to room temp, then cover and refrigerate.
Cut into wedges to serve, or just scoop into a bowl to eat like pudding. You can serve w/ a bit of lite reddi-whip or lite cool whip on top.

Tonight's dinner is going to be all veggies. Another giant salad with everything that I can think of in the fridge. And water water water, and then some tea.

Sorry - this is going to be one long weekend post.

I've also been considering my goals. There were some other people that put their lack of goals up and its been making me think about mine. Also I found this great blog, Gettn' Shrunk, that made me think that I've really should have set my goal weight lower. Her tagline is "Those who believe they can do something are probably right — and so are those who believe they can’t."

I wonder if I'm putting in a full effort, or if I'm really just waiting to fail like all other times that I've set out to lose weight. I hate to think that this is what I'm thinking at my very core, but I think that I might be. So, I need to change that asap.

"The will to prepare to win, is more important then the will to win".

I guess I've been trying to fool myself into thinking that "its not that bad, and I'm just a little overweight" bla bla. But really, I need to lose a lot of weight. I need to lose 100lbs.

There...I said it. One Hundred Pounds.

I should be 180lbs, but I'm not. I've covered myself in 100lbs of fat and to take that off I'm going to have to change my life, my attitude, my ideas and what I think about myself. This will be the hardest, most spectacular thing that I ever do for myself, for my partner, my family, and my potential children.

A challenge. I have to prepare to win this more then just wanting to be thin. I need to prepare my food, prepare my mind and prepare my body to shed 100lbs from my frame, and then once I do that... I need to be able to see what has happened and enjoy it, revel in it and manage my life from there forward.

Easily said. I guess that it all starts here and now. 100lbs. :)