and so it begins.....
Because we spend so much money our vendors feel it necessary to send the chiefs here gifts at the holidays. Yesterday morning a giant box arrived to my boss from Harry & David.
There is all kinds of treats in there and people swooped in to pick through and gawk. I encouraged them to take and eat as much as possible (after swiping a pear for myself).
However, my resolve weakened by the afternoon and I ate 2 truffles.
Last night VISIONS of these things danced through my brain. I looked at my spreadsheets...calculating...plotting...licking my chops at the thought of adding more to my diet and removing other things to balance my calories.
This morning, before I was even half way through my first coffee, the staff were here opening the box, rummaging through and eating.
It made sad and angry. That is how I used to be. Grabbing and eating as much as I could. Able to justify my behavior with all kinds of excuses. Only to be filled with regret and emtpy promises to lose the extra 5lbs gained over that holiday.
Now... I'm not going to cheat myself out of my health and my goals for some candy. So I'm turning my back on this mound of sweets. I had my indulgence yesterday and my life wasn't miraculously transformed into the happiest days of my life.. it was just some chocolate.
Its not magic, Its not happiness, Its not a hug, Its not a walk in the park with a loved one.