Thank you for stopping by to perv on my blog, as I fight myself to change my old habits and make new ones to get fit. I don't get it right all the time, but I'm still here and I'm still working at it.

Tamzins Double Dog Dare You Ticker!

My homage to the 14lbs that I lost on Allan’s DDDY Challenges. A watering can for the vast oceans of water that I have learned to drink and love every day.

Monday, February 23, 2009

More of the same

Well I wish that I had good news to report and I would have if I had managed to control myself... but yet again I have managed to let myself down. None of the following is the lest bit of a surprise to me right now. Its the slipper slope of eating poorly that chases you into a spiral that is five times harder to stop then it is to start.

WI - 273.8 - up 0.6lbs

Friday was the chips and cheese and salsa

Saturday morning I weighed in at 271.4 an all new low! yay... then Saturday night I was visiting with friends and we decided to get pizza, and chips and pop for dinner...but I deserve it right, I'm doing good....after eating 5 pieces and most of a big bag of chips and a diet Pepsi I felt sick. Guilt and physically. I knew that I shouldn't have done that - I knew that I should have made a better effort before going over there to eat first so not to cave to easy temptation. But I didn't....cause I'm 271! Plus I was fighting a cold and not feeling that hot in the first place. Ug.

Sunday I woke up in a pool of cold sweat and feeling really terrible. I slept in until 30min before yoga and then went to that. It was good - its relaxation yoga so it was mostly laying down with a blanket and pillow. I'm not going to complain it was pretty awesome. I met a friend for lunch after.. I knew that I should get the salad but...the bison burger was calling my name and...I'd already ruined "EVERYTHING" with my pizza binge the night before....so.... I also should have skipped the fries and got a side salad, but I didn't. And then when she wanted the artichoke dip started.. who was I to say no.

Today I'm at home - too sick to go to work. I also had another dental appointment to get the last of my fillings replaced. So I'm all numb, sore, tired, sick, cranky and bleck. I can't eat anything so what did I just do... got ice cream on the way home.

So my total eating today was 3 clementines and 1/2c 1% cottage cheese and 1 pint Ben&Jerry chocolate ice cream. I wish that I had just stopped at Wendy's and got a small frosty, that would have been as satisfying and less calories.

I have chicken broth and tea for the rest of the day.

That's 4 weeks in a row of gaining. Small gains yes... but they are the product of larger issue. I'm not trying anymore. I don't know why, but I'm not. Now I'm off to brood about this and hopefully find something that is going to help me get back on track.


HopeFool said...

I have fallen into the same "I've already ruined EVERYTHING" trap too.

I wish I understood it better.

All I can say is that you can shake this off and move on. Even the ice cream is in the past now, so don't dwell on it.

Losing Waist! said...

I laughed at the Ben and Jerry's- not because I thought it was funny but because I HAVE BEEN THERE! I USED TO TURN TO A PINT FOR ANY OCCASION (and not beer (imagine all the calories I would have saved had I drank a pint of beer instead of downing a pint of ice cream?)).

I don't think that it is a matter of "controlling yourself" I think it is setting yourself up to not have to be in one of those situations that need "self-control" in the first place. I get a D- in the control department every time I let myself get to the point of pizza, chips, birthday cake... whatever.

I am glad you are trying to work it out by blogging- just don't shame yourself over it.

spunkysuzi said...

Watch that chicken broth it's very high in sodium if it's canned or the dried stuff!!

Anonymous said...

Skinny people don't eat 5 pieces of pizza. What is it worth to you? I have been there, I lost 100lbs and maintained for 4+ years. I know what your going through. I KNOW.

You have to find out what your willing do to. Are you willing to say no to things you think you want?

Don't shame yourself. Be proud of what you do, including what you eat. If you can't be proud of your decisions, what else is left?

I am so excited for you - this is a good point for you to be at. You make your own decisions. What are you going to do? Give up? Eat more pizza & ice cream? Or get your butt to the gym and work it off? Your move.

Jen, a priorfatgirl said...

uugghh...sounds like you need a mental vacation! I too have been there. I always tell myself, it's more of a mental struggle then a physical.

Keep trying to figure out your niche. It's okay to have pizza, just not a large quanity. :)

Keep smiling okay?

Katie said...

It's difficult going through the phases we do when we try to lose the weight. Heck, it's bloody HARD! I should own stock in Ben & Jerry's for all the ice cream I've eaten...one entire pint at a time...over the years.
Don't give up, girl...don't do it. Look at what you have done. You are taking Yoga! You are learning to run!
You are moving more! These are great feats!
It's time to let it go...and just keep going. Accept that you're human, you'll fail where you don't want to fail, but that you'll get up again.
We're all in this together!
Reading your posts help me to keep going when I'm feeling alone in this...so I need you! :)

Jim said...

You said: "I knew that I should get the salad but...the bison burger was calling my name and...I'd already ruined "EVERYTHING" with my pizza binge the night before....so.... "

We've all been there, but the night before has nothing to do with today. Each dat is a new day, and a new start. Best wishes to you.

Anonymous said...

Everything you said I've done. When I lost a stone I thought how I could celebrate with a bottle of wine, which lead to eating more food and eventually putting on 1lb. I'm thankful that's all I put on and not more. All I can say as the others have is try to start again and remeber how you felf on Saturday when you'd got to your lowest and remember how you feel today. Hope that helps in some way.

Tena said...

Don't beat yourself up. Just keep trying. Sooner or later your head will give up and begin to help you make healthy choices. Even if it's just drinking lots of water.

Last week I bought a package of brownie bites. I ate half the package (which is about 10 of those little suckers). Then I stopped at another store and threw the rest in the trash. I won't say I didn't think about circling back to pull them out, but I went home, got on my bike and forgot about it.

Just take it day by day and don't leave us! Blogging will help, really!

Tena said...

Oh, I forgot to say I hope you feel better soon! Take care!

skinnyfitkate said...

Aw Hun. I know how you feel. All I can say that what you are doing is reprogramming your mind which is very powerful. All that old programming takes time to change. Like someone else said just keep at it and eventually your mind will realise that the new programme is not going away and will GIVE IN! I promise. Hey, well done on the exercise BTW!!

Sunny said...

Sorry you're sick... a cold and a visit to the dentist at the same time?? Uggh! I hope you feel better soon!!

Tamzin said...

Thanks all! everything you've said is true and is also very good advice and I appreciate your comments. I read them all day yesterday and made better choices.

Suzi! - its low sodium chicken broth! :) I even made sure in the store.

I must carry on, thats why I started this blog and to be honest - without it I would have quit long ago and been drowning myself in more pizza and ice cream. These hard days are more important to me then the good days when everything is easy and I just breeze throught he day on water and greens and feel great.

I went back and read through some of my old posts as well to remind mysel how far I've come. Thank you all!


MeltingLisa said...

Hahahahaha I just read under your "leave your comment" "poking the Belly" hahaha you have an awesome sense of humour!

Thank you for leaving support on my blog :) It means a lot really it does. Okay you and me .. this week at least 2 pounds .. okay??? You up for it? NO ice cream NO chips NO pizza, we can do this!

Angie (Losing It and Loving It) said...

Can I just say I am right there with you at this moment? First, I hope you're feeling better.

Next, the scale has only gone up for me too except for this last week was 1 lb loss BUT I am doing horribly with food, especially desserts. I have fallen back into a bad pattern and it HAS to stop.

Last night I ate so many Girl Scout cookies I was sick ALL night with the sweats and sick tummy. WHY don't I learn from the past? I sent all the cookies with Kev to work. They are banished from this house.

Gotta make a plan and stick to it, yes we do!