Oops!

Well, that "eat half what I've served". That didn't work out too well tonight. If I had, I would have been under. Now I'm full and unhappy. Let me make a mental note of this moment.

Water today: 2.5Liters

Food today:
California Omelet - 420
English Muffin 1 120
butter - 20
Hash browns - 60
2tbs ketchup - 30
coffee - 2
cream - 90
Kashi Pumpkin Pecan bar - 120
coffee - 2
cream - 90
pumpkin loaf - 390
4oz pulled pork - 180
Lrg baked potato - 435
1oz sour cream - 26
1oz cheese - 55
1tbsp bbq suace - 13
Banana pudding - 205 (shared)

Totals: 2258
Ideal Total: 2090
Difference: +168

Sunday!

We were up early, although the Halloween party on our block kept me up until about 1.30am Ug. I don't mind a party, but damn it... turn the effing bass down. Ug. Finally called the cops to make a sweep of the neighborhood and I think that was what got the music under control.

We went for breakfast. I had the California omelet. Eggs, grilled chicken, salsa, roasted corn and avocado slices. Very good. I'm going to have to get all that into my handy spreadsheet to get the calories all tolled up. Of course, today is not done yet.

After breakfast we did a 2.5mile walk in the park and along the buffalo bayou. Very fun for my Canadian guests. The plant life is so different here. Also, great exercise for me! BONUS! ;)

Now they are off with the husband doing some fun man stuff around town (comic shops) and I'm doing laundry and prepping for next weeks lunches. After this I;ll be doing the food diary, getting my calories sorted, buying the food and doing some more cleaning/vacuuming (protecting the back!!)

Speaking of. I'm pretty sure I've solved the mystery of why I've been having all these niggles/injuries/soreness. My IT bands are as tight as a Scottish wallet! So I've dug out the foam roller and the last couple night doing that has really helped. YAY!

okay - hope the weekend is treating everyone well. Its beautiful out today!!!! About to get started into my water. Only 1 Liter so far today. I'm WAY behind schedule.

YAY weekends

Got up early and went to My Fit Foods to get us breakfast and coffee. Off to a day of walking at the Ren Fair here in TX. What fun! It was some... 5 hours of walking around. Very few rests.

Brought some Kashi granola bars with me to help resist the naughty foods. But didn't bring enough water. Falling short there today.

We are going out for Chinese Hot Pot soup tonight. Heavy on the veg, I've not had much in the way of greens and fiber today.

Water: 2L and counting

Food today:
Good Morning Sunshine - 330
coffee - 2
cream - 90
Crunchy pumpkin granola bar - 170
various nibbles - 50 (we tried some infused oils with little bits of bread and tasted a cheese ball)
Fried chicken breast - 420
Crunchy pumpkin granola bar - 170
Pretzel M&M's sm bag - 150
Coconut Liberte Greek yogurt - 270
Beef & bok Choy Hot Pot - 400

Total: 2052
Ideal total: 2090
Difference: -38

NVS and a Plan

This morning I put on the old clothes, slipped my shirt on and looked in the mirror... my once enormous muffin top has been reduced.

I had the husband confirm. :) YAY! Funny how that can just slip away unnoticed. Very pleased.

Today is the start of a 5 day visit from friends. This is typically what I would call a "Trap".

However, I am going to do a number of things differently from what I "would" have done in the past. Since... we all know how the past has turned out for me (see side pictures!). So here is the plan.

1. Have a giant breakfast.
2. Eat as much as possible of my normal good foods before having to go out.
3. Carry my little note book and pen to write down all food consumed.
4. Try to get as much planned out first as possible (if we are going for BBQ - jump on Calorieking and plan a meal that works).
5. While eating out Eat HALF of what I would consider a 'normal for me' - portion.
6. KEY. Do not eat food that I don't want, or don't want to "waste" for the sake of what it cost $.
7. Log it, count it, manage it.

Tonight is a little get together at a pizza place for dinner. I already know that I am going to have 2 whole wheat thin crust margarita slices of pizza and a diet coke (no wine). This will keep me in my range.

Water Today: so far - 2L


Food today (plan tonight):
MFF Good Morning Sunshine - 330
coffee - 2
cream - 90
MFF Banana Nut patties - 350
MFF Lemon Turkey - 370
Blackberry Liberte - 250
Apple - 116
Pizza 2 slices - 580
Diet coke - 0


Total: 2088
Ideal: 2090
Difference: -2

BS: going to try and keep this to a minimum.


Today is going well - I am really quite pleased. I'm not feeling starved and deprived. I'm not eating like I used to, but that is really the point.

I'm looking forward to running around playing tour guide, and that will include a LOT of walking around. YAY! Posts will be late and short. I apologize in advance.

DDDY Challenge - day 4

Phew! got through another day. It was a tough one. I'm looking forward to Friday big time.

Food was good today, apart from the afternoon I ended up being pressured into eating a mini cupcake in the afternoon. I knew that I shouldn't have, but I did it anyway. Then... I was given another one... and......

I THREW IT IN THE GARBAGE. gawds...stupid food pushers.

I skipped my other snack planned for the afternoon, had 3 strawberries and a little bit of grilled chicken breast for some proteins that that was it.

Water was excellent today - constantly sipping all day and by 11 am I'd head nearly 2L.

I have to say that I felt great today. Not the usual "blah and drag" after donating blood. Great sign that all that water was keeping the ol' blood pressure up. Yay! I went over my calories by 27 today. Pretty close!

Hubby and I went for a walk after work - just a light gentle stroll to get "back" into it. Ha ha . I'm puny. My back is feeling MUCH better. Glad, as I'm going to be a very busy bunny these next few days with guests coming in from out of town. LOTS of touring around.

Right, down to business!

Water today: AWESOME 4L!

Food today:
MFF Breakfast Tacos - 460
coffee - 2
cream - 90
MFF Pancakes banana/nut 1 350
MFF Chicken Taco Bowl - 480
Strawberry Liberte - 250
mini cupcake - 96
3 fresh Strawberries - 12
2oz grilled Chicken brest - 47
MFF Killa Chili - 330

Total: 2117
Ideal Total: 2090
Difference: +27

BS: Zero!

Blood Donation

Did my good deed for the day and I'm happy. I ended up staying in my caloric range (thank you Allan for pointing that out!) and I did have some sugary stuff to help bounce back from the pint down I am on blood.

I am participating in Allan's challenge which could have also been named, "Watched by the Eye of Sauron". ha!! I am impressed with his diligence!! You rock Allan!

I made sure to load up on water, also eat before and after the donation. I'm really not feeling that horrible. I hope this carries on, typically I feel worse the next day. So tomorrow will tell.

Food today was good. I did a lot of fretting and calculating. "managing" the food. I guess that this is just something that I'm eventually just 'do' naturally. Right now my ideas on portions and need are based on a set point that is so out of whack that I need constant vigilance to ensure I'm not stepping back into old ways.

I ended up eating only 3.4 of my lunch to make sure that I stayed in my range today. And.. I'm not feeling deprived! I did eat my lunch very fast today - much faster than usual. I need to remember to sllllllooooooow down. This is not a race, its a meal.

We were going to go to see RED tonight, but I got the Amex bill today from last month when we were up visiting family and.... we are going to stay in and be frugal with the netflicks. HA! A very good compromise.

Water today: 2.5L and counting

Food today:
MFF Good Morning Sunshine - 330
coffee - 2
creamers - 90
MFF Pancakes - blueberry - 350
Post blood donation cake - 145
Post blood donation juice - 60
MFF Turkey Pasta - 315
MFF Oatmeal - 290
Large peach - 61
2 Magic Pop - 30
MFF Gimmie More Chicken Salad - 300
Lrg Apple - 116

Total calories: 2089
Ideal Total: 2090
Difference: -1

just squeeked in there!

BS today: some minor mooning over the junk food in the office, but I resisted temptation and had nothing!

DDDY Challenge - day 2

Right. Cravings busted. *karate chop*

Actually - its not even cravings it.... like my fat being greedy. I want. I don't need. I'm going to punch that inner fat kid in the face next time I'm tempted.

Water: 3L and counting. woot! Another great side effect of this is that it gets me up and out of my chair at the office for more bathroom breaks.

Food today:
MFF Mix n' Mash - 370
coffee - 2
cream- 90
MFF Choc Almond pattie - 420
MFF Kickn' Talapia - 370
Blackberry Liberte Greek yogurt- 250
Small Peach - 55
MFF Americano - 490
2 Tbsp HP sauce - 40

Totals: 2087
Ideal Totals: 2090
Difference: -3

BS: 1 (for a small but important rant)

Today was good, work was busy. I felt like I was sucking hind teat all day. Need to get some more sleep tonight, and I'm going to have a great long hot bath after I watch Biggest Loser. Husband is away with work tonight, so I will have lots of room to spread out in bed tonight.

Tomorrow is blood donation day, so I'm likely going to go over on my calories as I'm going to need some juice to get me going. I'm stopping to get some POM tomorrow. I love that stuff and its not too bad for you.

Ahhhhhhhh. Time for dinner!!

Damn you Rule No. 4

I want to CHHHHEEEEEEEAAAT!!!!!!!!

Starting liter 3 of water right now (YAY!). I' totally sucking hind teat today. I'm tired and sore (stupid back) and there is candy .... riiiiight over there. calling to me......

NO. NO CHEATING.

NO Bullshit either.... so drink your water woman and stop your moaning. Candy is bad for you. Water is good for you and you get a snack in 40minutes. You are not going to die in 40 minutes because you didnt get some candy.

Right. Now its up here and I can let that go.

DDDY challenge - day 1

Todays logging for the DDDY Challenge.

Water: 2.5L and counting

Food and Calories:
MFF Good Morning Sunshine - 330
coffee - 2
cream - 90
MFF Happy Apple pattie - 350
MFF Marios Marine Mash - 450
Walnut & Prune Liberte greek yogurt - 250
Apple - 116
4 Magic Pop - 60
MFF Atlantic Salmon - 430

Total: 2078
Ideal Total: 2090
Difference: -12

BS: Zero!

holy cr@p

For the start of my 2 week challenge I had to weigh in this morning.....

299.6lbs

Down 6.6lbs

I stood in front of the scale last night wondering if I should torture myself by pre-weighing. I didn’t. I wanted to get a good sleep. Ha! So this morning was a very nice surprise.

We have some friends that are coming in this Friday and will be here until next Wednesday. I was suddenly apprehensive when I forgot that and signed up, but now…. I’m pleased. Now I have a reason to stay on track instead of an excuse to go off track.

Feels pretty good.

Also…down 1 L of H2O already. Aiming for 4 today.

2 week challenge

Awesome link through Kimberly. I found Allan's challenge, which I am going to participate in!

This is the first real challenge that I've take up. So I have to do myself proud, and ... I really like the rules.












CHALLENGE RULES

1. YOUR DAILY CALORIC INTAKE IS YOUR GOAL WEIGHT X 11
   (goal weight - 190lbs, caloric intake - 2090)
2. EVERYTHING YOU INGEST COUNTS AND NEEDS TO BE RECORDED
   (check!)
3. YOU DRINK 64 OUNCES OF WATER DAILY
   (2L or more!)
4. NO CHEATING AND NO BULLSHIT
   (Sounds good!)
5. 2 WEEKS, STARTING 10/25/2010
   (check)
6. WEIGH IN MONDAY MORNING AND WEIGH IN 11/8/2010
   (great! totally excited for tomorrows weigh in!)

Now...to try and do the math.. 64oz is .....about 2 L. Okay, no problem there. I'm a water matching now! :)

Also. I have my goal weight at 190lbs. That means some adjusting my calorie intake as I am currently at 2100, and so it should be set now to 2090 calories. Hot dam I'm really really close!

......Now the panic sets in as I realize that we are having guests for 5 days and are going to have to take them out for dinner and survive a weekend!!!!. OMG! I LUFF FOOD, I CAN'T DO THIS.... yes, yes I can!

Be calm self and look at rule number 4. I will make it work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay - onto another note. Hurt self today. Strained something in my back while doing the vacuuming. Idiot!!!!

Actually - I did a 3.5mile walk with the hubby this morning (awesome!), came home and did an hour of dusting and vigorous vacuuming. Then showered and twisted funny while getting out.

CURSE THIS FATNESS. I'm so weak in the abs and back now I feel like I keep hurting myself with my own bulk. Its sooooo....Aggravating.

2 Week Challenge - here I come.

BNS Ravioli

Very Productive Saturday.

Managed to do a LOT of clearing up today. My hubby is a pack rat and it drives me nuts... probably as nuts as it makes him watching me throw stuff out. HAHA!

Ate very well today, quite pleased with myself. Finished off the day with a trip to the grocery store where I caved and got a package of Pretzel M&M's. They are my default treat. 150 calories, crunchy, sweet, chocolate...perfect. I made myself eat them one at a time...instead of dumping the bag into my waiting gob and eating the lot in about 2.2 seconds.

Tonight's dinner I crafted from the Clean Eating magazine. Butternut Squash Ravioli. Well. more like BNS wontons, as you use wonton wrappers for the "pasta". They were amazing, however I'm a huge fan of squash.

• Roast/Nuke (for 10min if you are me and too hungry to wait for 40min of roasting)
• Add 1.2 bag of chopped spinach
• Sauteed (in pam lite) small onion
• Add salt pepper and nutmeg to taste
• Mix it all together
• Fold a Tbsp on that into a premade wonton, wet edge, squeeze together and done.

There were 52 in the package. About 11 died trying to make it through the cooking process...exploded/ripped etc. They cook in boiling water for about 3 min.

• For the sauce, I cooked a hot Italian sausage (teehee), chopped that into some premade herb&garlic pasta sauce (so lazy!).
• The side was steamed peas.

I was sooooooo GOOD! Really really yummy.

Todays food:

MFF Oatmeal
Blackberry Liberte
1 venti coffee & cream
MFF Killa Chili
4 Magic Pops
MFF Apple Pancakes (shared with the man)
Half an orange
Kashi Pumpkin Pecan bar
Pretzel M&M's
3/4c Marinara w/ sausage (322.5)
15 BNS Raviolis (152)
1/2c peas

Totals:
Calories 2034.5
Fats: 70.4
Carbs: 456.3
Proteins:123.3

Bit of a carbo-bomb day, but yesterday I was low on them. Still under my calories by 65, but...I'm stuffed! Early to bed. Tomorrow I'm planning a big walk!!!!

todays totals

I Forgot earlier!!!




Calories: 2105
Fats: 51
Carbs: 271.3
Proteins: 143.8

Its FRIDAY!!

Food for the last 2 days has been excellent. We did eat out last night, split a salad and had a veggie pizza. Felt good. Nothing too heavy or filling.

I decided to step on the scale this morning to see if I had done some damage....I was down this morning to 302. Wow.

As I was driving home...trying to think of all the things that would have happened if this were a regular week ohhhh a month ago.

I would have had at least double the calories I think. Usually I have 2 or 3 coffees with cream (180 calories) a day. I'm down to one. I would have had at least 1 bag of M&M's (250 calories) a day at lunch. I would have had a bagel (370 calories) and 3x the amount of peanut butter (376 calories) I need for breakfast. Cutting out those three things has already made a massive impact.

180 + 250 + 370 + 370 = 1176

My current calorie limit is 2100. Right there at breakfast on a normal day I would have already had close to half! WOW. That is crazy. My typical breakfast is around 400, coffe with creamers inclusive!

Not that this is a breeze, its not easy. I have to keep reminding myself that being hungry is not the end of the world and that its okay to feel it. And that I have enough food. Then think back on my "fat picture" and remember that I don't want to be like that anymore. Change is hard.

I have my weekend of eating all laid out. Breakfast and lunch for tomorrow from My Fit Foods in the fridge. Tomorrow night for supper I'm making Butternut Squash Ravioli for dinner with a light tomato sauce. Right out of the Clean Eating mag. I'm excited. Basically wonton wrappers, S&P and BNS!

okay - hubby and I are going walking. Time to go!

If you like cake... this link is for you!

Hyperbole and a Half blog is one of my pure hilarious indulgences.

Enjoy!

I'm a good girl!!!!

Today was excellent for my calories. I'm right on track and feeling great. This afternoon there was a post lunch spread in the office kitchen.

I took 1 strawberry and 20 red grapes. There was a BEVVY of cookies, bars, squares... sandwiches etc etc etc.

There is that part of me that really wants that stuff. But I stuck to my plan and subbed my giant orange for the other fruit I took. By the time I went back in there for more water... they were all gone.

I do feel slightly child-like with food selection. I have to keep telling myself that "its okay to be hungry" and "your snack is in 15min - you will manage". Trying to sooth myself. I feel embarrassed saying that. That as a grown adult I have trouble dealing with being hungry.
....of course. Anyone looking at me is going to notice that right off.

We are changing our routine this evening and going out to our old group coffee nights. Its a buffet of people sucking back 4 or 5 frappes and mocha lattes as fast as they can. I am worried.

So, I stepped on the scale right before I ate, since I needed to know. Good news or bad news is better then the indifferent "this diet doesn't matter.. I'm having cake" attitude that was creeping in just mere minutes ago.

303.2 lbs

wow.... since Monday morning I've lost 3lbs. So I have my resolve back. Tonight I'll be getting the sparking water and enjoying the company of friends.

And when I get home, I'll still feel good about myself. Hurray!!

Todays Nosh:

MFF Mix n' Mash
1 coffee & 3 creamers
1 pot Lemon Liberte
1 medium Banana
MFF Blackbean soup
MFF Lemon Turkey
3 Mini Reese's darks (that was the last of them)
1 strawberry
20 Grapes
MFF Snack Tacos
MFF Killa Chili

Totals:
Calories: 2118 Fats: 57.6 Carbs: 260.1 Proteins: 141.6

Halloween Candy

was my undoing today.

I had one mini reese dark PB cup - which quickly turned into an all consuming need to EAT CANDY. I had 6. While doing mental math on what I was giving up to clear the way for these.

I ended up skipping my afternoon greek yogurt (which is not good... trading good fat for bad fat...) but regardless. I've managed to stay on track for the most part.

Mentally. I had already confirmed that I would never be dipping into the desk candy bowls. I skipped the catered breakfast today and ignored the "pumpkin muffin treats" that came around this afternoon.

But then... I opened my drawer and there they were... the chocolates I had put aside for myself. Hard to resist when you specifically saved them for yourself ... right?! Right (said the fat chick)!

I then went on Calorie King and was disgusted. UGGGGG

Today's food was good other than that blip. We did a 30min walk after work and I had a good dinner. I feel the urge to snack right now but I'm going to bed in short order.

Medium Americano (My Fit Foods)*
1 coffee & 3 creamers
Pancakes - blueberry (MFF)
Medium Salmon Stir fry (MFF)
6 Mini Reese's darks pb cups
Large Pink Lady Apple
Medium Ninja Tenderloin (MFF)
2 Tbsp HP sauce

Totals:
Calories: 2176 Fats (g): 69.4 Carbs: 217.8 Proteins: 164

I'm going to give today an 8 out of 10. I could have done more stretching while watching the Biggest Loser.

*I've talked about My Fit Foods before... and I will again. Right now, they are my savior. Of course, its not cheap. But its good, filling, very good actually and keeping me from feeding myself with portions that are 2x the size I need.

Back in the Game

So much to blog about after a month off. So I'm going to break it down into a couple of categories.

First of all I just want to say that I'm starting to feel like my weight is the only thing that defines me anymore. I need to get out of this mode.

1. time off/home/emotional eating (mostly whining)

2. fitness done/undone
3. horrific photo
4. new meal plan/calorie counting
5. weight in/biggest loser/ranch

1. I have been away for 2 week in my hometown looking after my mother after her hip replacement surgery. I have a tenuous relationship with her at best and she is not easy to deal with, especially when she is feeling unwell. I am also argumentative, stubborn and occasionally spiteful. This is a very volatile combination. I was on my best behavior for about 3 days before the first major eruption.

I often feel very taken advantage of with her , Yes, she did pay for my and my husbands tickets to come up there and look after her.... with her points program (read here the MOST inconvenient flights for us ever). She fails to acknowledge that her "gift" cost us about $600 in airport parking, baggage fees (she told me to "pack light"... pack light we are coming for 12 effing days...), and an overnight at a hotel in Seattle. It cost us 12 vacation days from work. And the 12 days worth of hotel charges ($1,750) since she is in a one bedroom condo now with no where for us to stay.

Needless to say I was unimpressed when I was told that I was on a holiday at her expense... especially since we were cooking, cleaning, shopping and carting her about for that time.

Also I became an all consuming vacuum for food as I vainly tried to eat my way into a coma of unfeeling. My stomach is literally in knots right now as I re-live this. Emotional eating is on my list of things to get taken care of. I have to stop feeding myself to death.

2. While we were at home I did manage to get out and do some exercise, we did a number of long walks. Nothing really hard on the body. But it was needed and good for the soul. But I've stopped my morning work outs and I've been doing some walking, but once again. Nothing hard enough to really get my heart rate pounding and make a difference.

All the good that I have done, has now been undone. Its very frustrating and occasionally it is overwhelming. You know ... why me, why is this so hard, why can't I do this, why is food so tasty, why don't I say no.... All that stuff that I use to stuff food into my gob.

3. I participated in a fun sporting activity this weekend. It was a highland games competition - we were being judged and recorded for places/prizes. I had a woman tell me that since I loved the trophy's so much (it was a cool block of wood with the place burned into it), that she would give it to me.....

It was one of those moment where I saw myself through her eyes. Clearly, she thought that I was too fat, weak, incapable etc to be able to win it fairly. Then I saw this photo published of me and I understood why she thought that.

ps. I won third anyway... so there! HA!! My one small victory of the last month.

4. However this photo has now become my desktop picture, so that I can remind myself where I am right now.

I've decided to go back to calorie counting. Which is really the only way that I have been able to constantly lose weight and manage myself. I don't like how much time it takes and the drudgery of doing it. So, I'm making changes.

For the next 2 weeks I am going to eat exclusively the My Fit Foods. Breakfast, Snack 1, Lunch, Dinner. Snack 2 and 3 are going to be fruit, yogurt or a kashi bar. Then for 5 days we have a friend in town visiting, so it will be off for dinners but ON for bfast, lunch and snacks. Then for the following 2 weeks back on the same full day plan.

After that I will see how it is going and get a new plan hammered out.

5. Biggest loser is on again and I do love watching it. However this year I'm SERIOUSLY considering going to the ranch in Utah. In fact so serious that I'm surfing their website and looking at times that I might be able to go. You know... its $1200 for a week (about), and I've wasted 10x that amount on food, restaurants, movies and shoes I don't wear. I am NOT going to balk at spending that kind of money on my health anymore.

So there you go. I think that is MORE than enough for a first post back. :)