the fat came back....

the very next day,
the fat came back,
she thought it was a goner.
But the cat came back;
it just couldn't stay away.
Away, away, yea, yea, yea....


I haven't even dared to step on the scale. I will have to do that soon.

Here are the things that I am doing:

1. I now have a date with a friend to meet at the park on T/Th for a 30 min jog.
2. I am back drinking my water. Trying to get back up to 5L a day
3. I have a thursday night (post run) date to do weights.
4. I am going to make a commitment to go to one step/cardio class a week at the gym.

I took all last week off and I totally renno'ed the bedroom and master bathroom. New paint, furniture, cleared out a BUNCH of old shit, 5 bags of clothing donations, shoes, bags. You name it. The bedroom looks amazing now. And I had a massive week of exercise. Bending stooping sweeping, rubbing painting. My shoulder and neck are totally locked up now.

My eating has been RUBBISH though, and that is what has packed the weight on. I'm guessing about 10lbs.

Anyway, that is the cliff notes on my last few weeks. Time to get back into blogging and losing. Enough time piddling about feeling sorry for myself and how hard it is to lose weight. Its hard being fat. Time to get out. Spring is here, the sun is out. Make some changes.

HUMP DAY!

Hump day!!!! I'm kind of really enjoying that this hump day is on December 1st.

I was just over at Anns blog and she pointed out the date. Today is a big milestone for her, and her progress is inspiring. I hadn't really thought about it until then but this is the last 31 days of 2010. I need to make them count.

Tonight I am going to get a walk in. No matter what. Eating is going well. Dinner plans changed last night, we went for a shared small Greek salad and a small spinach pizza shared as well.

It became more than dinner. It became a moments that gives you something MORE if you are able to listen. Which I'm starting to be able to hear. Perhaps its all the water finally clearing the fuzz from my ear and brain.

The dinner my husband and I shared last night is about HALF what we used to share at this restaurant. We used to share a large Greek salad, large order of bread sticks in garlic butter, and a large pizza. We would eat it all. ALL OF IT.

Last night after our much reduced dinner... I was FULL. In fact I was more than full and next time I will have even less.

Not only that, but the urge to snack that evening was Zero. No snacks, I wasn't even interested. It was quick a flipperoo from where I was 2 months ago.

Last nights calorie count came to 1877/1980 (-103). I'm feeling pretty good so far about my lower calorie counts, I'm not missing that 110 that I cut from my 2090. in fact I'm rarely even getting up to the 1980 that I've set for myself. :) So next week I'm going to take an average of what I've been eating and lower it down a little more.

Today is going well. I had my dinner from last night (Americano) for breakfast a giant protein bomb of Sirloin, red potatoes and egg whites. I'm just finally getting hungry now and its almost lunch.

























My Fit Foods

Americano - Sirloin, red potatoes, scrambled egg whites
Berry Salad - Chicken Breast, blackberries, red onion, spinach leaves w/ evoo & balsamic vinegar dressing (2T)
Simple Salmon - grilled Salmon, parboiled rice, broccoli

My Fit foods is what I do for my main meals. I buy it, I am in no way representing them, nor do I get free food. I wish!! Its bloody expensive!! But I love it.

In the end, the husband and I talked about the expense and it is still more affordable than staying fat, buying groceries we don't eat and just throw away, and the time spend making lunches I won't eat, breakfasts that I forget, and dinners that are full of fat. Plus it auto portion control. Also good.

I just thought that I should explain it a little better since I post it up here everyday. :D

& now for something completely different

So this weekend I did a LOT more stuff out in the public than I would do on a typical weekend.

It was a little scary.

I’m used to more intimate fatness. Being fat in a restaurant, at work, in my car, at the gym and at the walking park, grocery store. Places where people are distracted and may not see me.

I am NOT used to being fat in places where people-watching occurs. Sunday was particular disturbing. Being fat, with a slim friend, at a massive crowded mall. It was a vortex of shame that sucked me in and spat me out the other side a wet warped messy ball of self-loathing, the likes of which I have not experienced in quite some time.

It was really hard to walk and out of stores where the people in there instantly knew you couldn't fit into ANYTHING in that store. Its Humiliating. Then … all the mirrors and windows reflecting back at me what I look like while walking, sitting, standing. It’s really not great.

I am SO much fatter than I thought that I was. There really is some sort of mind warp that goes on. Of course I look at myself in the mirror in only the most flattering ways in the morning so that I can get out the door without crying. So really there is no surprise here. I have been deluding myself into thinking "I'm not that bad" but I am. Its a very bitter pill to get down.

I’m trying to stay positive, and this is working. I’m happy and getting healthier. My weight is going to come off… but the real question is ...

How did I get this big and how do I make sure never to do it again?

These will be answered along the way I’m sure. Lyn at Escape from Obesity has some really interesting posts on self perception, food and weight and today she said something that really struck me today. Here is the post.

Asparagus

If you think that what you eat does not affect your body. Eat some asparagus, drink some water and have a pee....

My gawds, thats a "special" smell.

WI: 291.4... had morning movement at the office.... so I'm not really that concerned! ha!

Right - that out of the way - today was great - good food at the office, I briefly considered getting a diet coke or a coffee this afternoon, but distracted myself and totally forgot about both.

I`ve been eating better and today I noticed this... that I am less hungry and eat far less than I thought that I needed. Its a good feeling - to eat a pot of yogurt at 3.30 in the afternoon and not have thought about eating since lunch at 12.30. Progress!

Went right to the gym after work and did 5min on the elliptical - then 3 sets of my military press (20lb bells), bicep curls (20lb bells) and leg press (225lbs). Hit the park for a 25 power walk with the ipod. Laughably, it took 25 for me to get through all the traffic and get home. No wonder people don't get out as much as they should.

Ah well - I had my favorite 80's mix in and listened to Major Tom on repeat. I love that song. :)

All done for the day - time for some cuddles in bed and reading.

There is light on the other side!

Thank you to the many people who commented yesterday on my terrible day. This is hard work... I really have to keep reminding myself that it is not going to be easy to change a lifetime of terrible habits.

But also to remember that they are just HABITS... not a permanent character flaw that is unfixable. I have to change, and that can be very difficult.

So to remind myself ... Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out

I'm thinking about going to a daily weight in, I think that this whole excitement/fear/bartering that I do the last few days before "weigh in" are just as unhealthy as the weighing in every day will be... I mean... I'm already obsessed with this.

I was reading an interesting post by Diane that was talking about daily vs weekly (or longer) weigh ins. I'm going to give it a go ....there will be more fluctuations, but I think that I can get a grasp of that. All this food bartering trying to be "under last weeks weight" while torturing myself every weekend is just not good. Not good at all.

As for the rest of my March - I've decided that what I have here is solid in terms of exercise etc. I have started to get lazy and not count my calories on weekends and well...starting Thursdays... so I need to get back on that. I'm going to finish out this month with more care and attention to my goals, my food and my mood. And see where that leaves me.

The exercise is good - 5 times a week - walking / whatever... I'm going to change step class as I'm just not feeling it at the moment. While its nice out I think I would rather get outside and move.

Regardless, I'm through the black pit that I was in Sunday and Monday(day) and onto the next battle. Today's small successes were 1. Not buying a Diet Pepsi and M&M's at the office. I ate a Plum and it was DELICIOUS! :)


On a very positive note!!!! the best thing that happened this weekend was all the new commenter's that I now get to perv on!! Hurray for blogs to read.

Here is to a stellar week - complete with good food, lots of water, getting moving, and enjoying life!

What was your success today?!