Oh my it is beautiful outside. I took a short drive and spent most of my lunch hour at the park today. Just wandering in the sunshine and catching up with a couple of Canuck friends on the phone.
I was going to get a coffee at Starbucks, but there was not a single spot to park so I left and had my water and enjoyed myself without the coffee! :)
Back at the office with arse in chair. Today has been crazy busy - deadlines...why why why can the stuff only get done ON the day and not in the weeks before when I sent all this crap out? Its Friday people... lets try and enjoy ourselves instead of making it so hellish.
Mostly over now anyway. Tonight we are headed out for dinner to one of my favorite salad places. I can't wait! They are huge and Delicious. Tomorrow morning I have a big walk planned. Nearing 4 miles this time I think. The weather is going to cool off a little for the weekend, which I like.
Food is going good today. My tracking on my spreadsheet is going okay - I am just so busy recovering from the holidays....
wait ......
that is a big FAT F*CKING LIE!!! I'm feeling comfortable and not bothering to track as much. Right. That has been identified properly now. And I shall be doing my updating asap!! This is not the time to fall off and forget how I got to here. Here being the place where I am losing weight and enjoying life... not getting fatter again. DANGER DANGER!! My alarm has been triggered!!
Back...to tracking!! I'm behind on water today as well. Ah ha!... this is the Friday of self analysis!
Alright. Weekend...here I come. I can't wait to get out in the fresh air!!
Welcome
Thank you for stopping by to perv on my blog, as I fight myself to change my old habits and make new ones to get fit. I don't get it right all the time, but I'm still here and I'm still working at it.
Tamzins Double Dog Dare You Ticker!
My homage to the 14lbs that I lost on Allan’s DDDY Challenges. A watering can for the vast oceans of water that I have learned to drink and love every day.
Tamzins Double Dog Dare You Ticker!
My homage to the 14lbs that I lost on Allan’s DDDY Challenges. A watering can for the vast oceans of water that I have learned to drink and love every day.
Showing posts with label reality check. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reality check. Show all posts
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Word of the Day
Commitment
Allan – our fearless, no sh*t-taking, power fat burning SDDDY challenge leader had a great post this morning on the big C word. Commitment.
Which is a great wake up call for me this week. My commitment this week is flagging. It is the forgotten red-headed stepchild that doesn’t get a Christmas present. While it’s inbreed cousin, Denial, has been coming around the table more and more.
The last three weeks I was weighing every day (some ppl like it some don’t) and I was losing close to 1lb a day. I was doing GREAT. I was fully committed. I was planning weeks of food out, I was sticking to my plans and making sure I had everything I needed to be successful. I was committed to setting myself up to lose weight.
This week, I’m buying whatever at the My Fit Foods in the morning, and making it work for the day. I ate lunch on Tuesday and had four things that I really didn’t need. 3 bites of appies and a dessert. I could have left half the dessert in my bowl, but I didn’t’. I bowed down to the alter of Want and was rewarded with a week of suffering, now my Wants got a taste of being fulfilled and they …well… want more. Great. I have no one to blame but myself.
Time for some re-training.
I am going to take time today at lunch, reset my priorities, and make a real path for me walk along for the rest of 2010. Half assed efforts are going to get me half asses results. DO NOT WANT.
Allan – our fearless, no sh*t-taking, power fat burning SDDDY challenge leader had a great post this morning on the big C word. Commitment.
Which is a great wake up call for me this week. My commitment this week is flagging. It is the forgotten red-headed stepchild that doesn’t get a Christmas present. While it’s inbreed cousin, Denial, has been coming around the table more and more.
The last three weeks I was weighing every day (some ppl like it some don’t) and I was losing close to 1lb a day. I was doing GREAT. I was fully committed. I was planning weeks of food out, I was sticking to my plans and making sure I had everything I needed to be successful. I was committed to setting myself up to lose weight.
This week, I’m buying whatever at the My Fit Foods in the morning, and making it work for the day. I ate lunch on Tuesday and had four things that I really didn’t need. 3 bites of appies and a dessert. I could have left half the dessert in my bowl, but I didn’t’. I bowed down to the alter of Want and was rewarded with a week of suffering, now my Wants got a taste of being fulfilled and they …well… want more. Great. I have no one to blame but myself.
Time for some re-training.
I am going to take time today at lunch, reset my priorities, and make a real path for me walk along for the rest of 2010. Half assed efforts are going to get me half asses results. DO NOT WANT.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
& now for something completely different
So this weekend I did a LOT more stuff out in the public than I would do on a typical weekend.
It was a little scary.
I’m used to more intimate fatness. Being fat in a restaurant, at work, in my car, at the gym and at the walking park, grocery store. Places where people are distracted and may not see me.
I am NOT used to being fat in places where people-watching occurs. Sunday was particular disturbing. Being fat, with a slim friend, at a massive crowded mall. It was a vortex of shame that sucked me in and spat me out the other side a wet warped messy ball of self-loathing, the likes of which I have not experienced in quite some time.
It was really hard to walk and out of stores where the people in there instantly knew you couldn't fit into ANYTHING in that store. Its Humiliating. Then … all the mirrors and windows reflecting back at me what I look like while walking, sitting, standing. It’s really not great.
I am SO much fatter than I thought that I was. There really is some sort of mind warp that goes on. Of course I look at myself in the mirror in only the most flattering ways in the morning so that I can get out the door without crying. So really there is no surprise here. I have been deluding myself into thinking "I'm not that bad" but I am. Its a very bitter pill to get down.
I’m trying to stay positive, and this is working. I’m happy and getting healthier. My weight is going to come off… but the real question is ...
How did I get this big and how do I make sure never to do it again?
These will be answered along the way I’m sure. Lyn at Escape from Obesity has some really interesting posts on self perception, food and weight and today she said something that really struck me today. Here is the post.
It was a little scary.
I’m used to more intimate fatness. Being fat in a restaurant, at work, in my car, at the gym and at the walking park, grocery store. Places where people are distracted and may not see me.
I am NOT used to being fat in places where people-watching occurs. Sunday was particular disturbing. Being fat, with a slim friend, at a massive crowded mall. It was a vortex of shame that sucked me in and spat me out the other side a wet warped messy ball of self-loathing, the likes of which I have not experienced in quite some time.
It was really hard to walk and out of stores where the people in there instantly knew you couldn't fit into ANYTHING in that store. Its Humiliating. Then … all the mirrors and windows reflecting back at me what I look like while walking, sitting, standing. It’s really not great.
I am SO much fatter than I thought that I was. There really is some sort of mind warp that goes on. Of course I look at myself in the mirror in only the most flattering ways in the morning so that I can get out the door without crying. So really there is no surprise here. I have been deluding myself into thinking "I'm not that bad" but I am. Its a very bitter pill to get down.
I’m trying to stay positive, and this is working. I’m happy and getting healthier. My weight is going to come off… but the real question is ...
How did I get this big and how do I make sure never to do it again?
These will be answered along the way I’m sure. Lyn at Escape from Obesity has some really interesting posts on self perception, food and weight and today she said something that really struck me today. Here is the post.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Math lesson
The math never lies.... fatty food + too much food + no exercise = GAIN.
This week was not an easy one. Thursdays incident has breed in me a thick fog of self hate. I thank all of you for your kind words, they did help, I'm going to move on. Certainly I can not blame my entrire week on it - this weeks downfall started Wednesday night and was propelled forward from there. I stopped doing what I needed to... track calories and started listening to the food-monster inside of me.....
"eat out..... don't get a salad get a burger.... you lost 4lbs...you can treat youself...drink pop one won't matter" etc etc etc **sigh**
Wednesday Dinner:
Bacon Cheese burger & onion rings
Thursday:
Food was great all day...making up for the buger and rings.
Upset sets in....
Friday:
Sweet potato waffles (5)
2.5 donuts
3 coffee & creams
chicken tenders
side salad & blue cheese dressing
Chicken Tacos with chips and queso
Saturday:
cookie (just one thank gawd they werent that good)
Pizza with pepperonie and mushroom
Giant Cherry limeaide from Sonic (WTF was I thinking?? This is more soda then any one human should consume in a week)
Sushi at 10:30 at night....Hubby and went out for a late dinner (we are so effing stupid) and had 4 different rolls at a lovley sushi place. Very nice - Yes. But eating at 11pm at night. OMG.... WHY WHY WHY)
THEN>>>>>>>> we stopped at the grocery store because he wanted something sweet. EVERY fibre of my being said to say no, but I didn't and I had a Reese's peanut butter egg. There is 500 calories that I didn't need at midnight.
THEN>>>>>>>> we stopped at the grocery store because he wanted something sweet. EVERY fibre of my being said to say no, but I didn't and I had a Reese's peanut butter egg. There is 500 calories that I didn't need at midnight.
I'm so ashamed of my food that I have yet to track all the calories that I ate. I will go and correct this this afternoon. AND I put in my calories for the burger on Wednesday but I only put it in the calories count for a cheeseburger not adding the bacon.... you know... why lie to me?! I'm such a mess.
Today I have had a large orange, a coffee with cream and a pumpkin bread slice form Starbucks and its almost 1pm. I feel bloated, sick, upset and angry. I'm mad at myself and this morning I was all like"oh I've been good - I've been working and eating lots of fruits...I look thinner in the mirror" and trying to fool myself into thinking that the scale would be just as kind.
Its not. 297lbs Yup...STRAIGHT back up.
My exercise this week was so limited... the punctuation walk on Thursday and then Friday night I went to the gym and walked for 50min on the treadmill. That is the sum total... where is the Tamzin that was running three days a week?? I want her back.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Tuesdays Log...and a reality check
Walking
am - 2.5
pm - 2.5
Total - 5km
Water...just closing in on 3.5L
Food
okay, not great....
chocy protein shake this morning (omg...I forgot what those do to my bowels!! not a pleasant day stalking the office loo waiting for a quiet "alone time" in a stall).
coffee w/ cream
donut
1c Tortellini with 1c veggies in tomato sauce
v. small slice of cheese cake
coffee with cream
2 handfuls of almonds
2c butternut squash & spinach mac & cheese
1c green peas
1 large slice garlic bread
2 mint ice cream sandwiches
right.... WHERE ON EARTH do I get off thinking that this was an "okay" day????? MY GAWDS...as I was typing this out I realized how much CRAP i ate....
cream, white flour+sugar, cream, white pasta filled with cheese, fatty cake, cream, cheese, white bread, ice cream....
little wonder I'm not losing weight.
Reality check.... done.
am - 2.5
pm - 2.5
Total - 5km
Water...just closing in on 3.5L
Food
okay, not great....
chocy protein shake this morning (omg...I forgot what those do to my bowels!! not a pleasant day stalking the office loo waiting for a quiet "alone time" in a stall).
coffee w/ cream
donut
1c Tortellini with 1c veggies in tomato sauce
v. small slice of cheese cake
coffee with cream
2 handfuls of almonds
2c butternut squash & spinach mac & cheese
1c green peas
1 large slice garlic bread
2 mint ice cream sandwiches
right.... WHERE ON EARTH do I get off thinking that this was an "okay" day????? MY GAWDS...as I was typing this out I realized how much CRAP i ate....
cream, white flour+sugar, cream, white pasta filled with cheese, fatty cake, cream, cheese, white bread, ice cream....
little wonder I'm not losing weight.
Reality check.... done.
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