This week and last week have been total shit and this is my notice to myself.
Eating out 2x a day every day is not good. NOT GOOD. I CAN DO BETTER.
Phoenix was great. I'm still just recovering from being sore now. It was a fabulous day, and I learned a lot. Awesomeness!
Food and Water have been terrible. I have been totally and honestly just ignoring all the signs that I'm slipping into old habits. Eating whatever, no tracking, no water, staying in bed until the last possible second.
Weight in this week. 289.5lbs Up again.
Hello in there.... do you like this? do you want this for yourself? No. Then stop being so weak minded.
I can and I will do better for myself. I will.
Welcome
Thank you for stopping by to perv on my blog, as I fight myself to change my old habits and make new ones to get fit. I don't get it right all the time, but I'm still here and I'm still working at it.
Tamzins Double Dog Dare You Ticker!
My homage to the 14lbs that I lost on Allan’s DDDY Challenges. A watering can for the vast oceans of water that I have learned to drink and love every day.
Tamzins Double Dog Dare You Ticker!
My homage to the 14lbs that I lost on Allan’s DDDY Challenges. A watering can for the vast oceans of water that I have learned to drink and love every day.
Showing posts with label note to self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label note to self. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
& now for something completely different
So this weekend I did a LOT more stuff out in the public than I would do on a typical weekend.
It was a little scary.
I’m used to more intimate fatness. Being fat in a restaurant, at work, in my car, at the gym and at the walking park, grocery store. Places where people are distracted and may not see me.
I am NOT used to being fat in places where people-watching occurs. Sunday was particular disturbing. Being fat, with a slim friend, at a massive crowded mall. It was a vortex of shame that sucked me in and spat me out the other side a wet warped messy ball of self-loathing, the likes of which I have not experienced in quite some time.
It was really hard to walk and out of stores where the people in there instantly knew you couldn't fit into ANYTHING in that store. Its Humiliating. Then … all the mirrors and windows reflecting back at me what I look like while walking, sitting, standing. It’s really not great.
I am SO much fatter than I thought that I was. There really is some sort of mind warp that goes on. Of course I look at myself in the mirror in only the most flattering ways in the morning so that I can get out the door without crying. So really there is no surprise here. I have been deluding myself into thinking "I'm not that bad" but I am. Its a very bitter pill to get down.
I’m trying to stay positive, and this is working. I’m happy and getting healthier. My weight is going to come off… but the real question is ...
How did I get this big and how do I make sure never to do it again?
These will be answered along the way I’m sure. Lyn at Escape from Obesity has some really interesting posts on self perception, food and weight and today she said something that really struck me today. Here is the post.
It was a little scary.
I’m used to more intimate fatness. Being fat in a restaurant, at work, in my car, at the gym and at the walking park, grocery store. Places where people are distracted and may not see me.
I am NOT used to being fat in places where people-watching occurs. Sunday was particular disturbing. Being fat, with a slim friend, at a massive crowded mall. It was a vortex of shame that sucked me in and spat me out the other side a wet warped messy ball of self-loathing, the likes of which I have not experienced in quite some time.
It was really hard to walk and out of stores where the people in there instantly knew you couldn't fit into ANYTHING in that store. Its Humiliating. Then … all the mirrors and windows reflecting back at me what I look like while walking, sitting, standing. It’s really not great.
I am SO much fatter than I thought that I was. There really is some sort of mind warp that goes on. Of course I look at myself in the mirror in only the most flattering ways in the morning so that I can get out the door without crying. So really there is no surprise here. I have been deluding myself into thinking "I'm not that bad" but I am. Its a very bitter pill to get down.
I’m trying to stay positive, and this is working. I’m happy and getting healthier. My weight is going to come off… but the real question is ...
How did I get this big and how do I make sure never to do it again?
These will be answered along the way I’m sure. Lyn at Escape from Obesity has some really interesting posts on self perception, food and weight and today she said something that really struck me today. Here is the post.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Oops!
Well, that "eat half what I've served". That didn't work out too well tonight. If I had, I would have been under. Now I'm full and unhappy. Let me make a mental note of this moment.
Water today: 2.5Liters
Food today:
California Omelet - 420
English Muffin 1 120
butter - 20
Hash browns - 60
2tbs ketchup - 30
coffee - 2
cream - 90
Kashi Pumpkin Pecan bar - 120
coffee - 2
cream - 90
pumpkin loaf - 390
4oz pulled pork - 180
Lrg baked potato - 435
1oz sour cream - 26
1oz cheese - 55
1tbsp bbq suace - 13
Banana pudding - 205 (shared)
Totals: 2258
Ideal Total: 2090
Difference: +168
Water today: 2.5Liters
Food today:
California Omelet - 420
English Muffin 1 120
butter - 20
Hash browns - 60
2tbs ketchup - 30
coffee - 2
cream - 90
Kashi Pumpkin Pecan bar - 120
coffee - 2
cream - 90
pumpkin loaf - 390
4oz pulled pork - 180
Lrg baked potato - 435
1oz sour cream - 26
1oz cheese - 55
1tbsp bbq suace - 13
Banana pudding - 205 (shared)
Totals: 2258
Ideal Total: 2090
Difference: +168
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Restart!
Hey Self....
Remember this Post?? Well, you should be cause you have not been doing any of that.
Do this:
Eating right (salads and good foods at the office)
Getting in 5 days of exercise
Drinking lots of water
Getting good sleep
Being prepared
Small steps, each and every day
Not This:
Weigh In today: 296Lbs
Remember this Post?? Well, you should be cause you have not been doing any of that.
Do this:
Eating right (salads and good foods at the office)
Getting in 5 days of exercise
Drinking lots of water
Getting good sleep
Being prepared
Small steps, each and every day
Not This:
M7M's 2 times in a single day
eating out four times this week
Not drinking enough water
Getting soda with a meals
Not going to the gym
Not walking in the evenings
Weigh In today: 296Lbs
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Note to Self
Hey Self!
Its been 13 weeks of blogging and you have finally made it back into the 280's and out of the 290's (which feels great)... but remember this...
It wasn't luck or some magic ninja dust or the Moon and Jupiter aligning up on the same evening.
It was:
....this is just a friendly reminder as you go into this week as a "winner" the job is not done yet - Keep up the good work.
Love me!
Its been 13 weeks of blogging and you have finally made it back into the 280's and out of the 290's (which feels great)... but remember this...
It wasn't luck or some magic ninja dust or the Moon and Jupiter aligning up on the same evening.
It was:
- Eating right (salads and good foods at the office)
- Getting in 5 days of exercise
- Drinking lots of water
- Getting good sleep
- Being prepared
- Small steps, each and every day
....this is just a friendly reminder as you go into this week as a "winner" the job is not done yet - Keep up the good work.
Love me!
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