Christmas Office gifts....

and so it begins.....

Because we spend so much money our vendors feel it necessary to send the chiefs here gifts at the holidays. Yesterday morning a giant box arrived to my boss from Harry & David.

There is all kinds of treats in there and people swooped in to pick through and gawk. I encouraged them to take and eat as much as possible (after swiping a pear for myself).

However, my resolve weakened by the afternoon and I ate 2 truffles.

Last night VISIONS of these things danced through my brain. I looked at my spreadsheets...calculating...plotting...licking my chops at the thought of adding more to my diet and removing other things to balance my calories.

This morning, before I was even half way through my first coffee, the staff were here opening the box, rummaging through and eating.

It made sad and angry. That is how I used to be. Grabbing and eating as much as I could. Able to justify my behavior with all kinds of excuses. Only to be filled with regret and emtpy promises to lose the extra 5lbs gained over that holiday.

Now... I'm not going to cheat myself out of my health and my goals for some candy. So I'm turning my back on this mound of sweets. I had my indulgence yesterday and my life wasn't miraculously transformed into the happiest days of my life.. it was just some chocolate.

Its not magic, Its not happiness, Its not a hug, Its not a walk in the park with a loved one.

My dogs are barking!

A bit of a break and lots of good ol' excitement at the Tamzin Ranch.

Trip to San Antonio was great - food was terrible and the hotel gym was packed. The Husband had to get to work so I never got in my Wednesday run sadly. I thought that my planning was solid, I just didn't expect that all the machines in the hotel gym would be in use. Silly me. :(

Food on the road was good, brought lots of water, fruit and jerky (salty...and I'm pretty swollen! but drinking lots of water). I was over in calories on Tuesday & Wednesday, but Monday and Thursday were under calorie days. Hoping that this will give me some balance through the weekend.

I got the starting date for my new job while in San Antonio, the call was Tuesday afternoon and I started Thursday/Today!!!!!! Which was a little bit tight for my liking, but how can I say no to the $$ and suggest a day later? We got in late Wednesday night, and basically got home, dropped the bags and went to bed.

Today was good - but let me tell ya... 4 months in runners and flip flops did not prepare my feet for a day in heels. I forgot what nearly 300lbs can do in a shoe! I have a large blister on the ball of my left foot...riiiight where the toes meet the foot pad. Needless to say, I can hardly walk now and I am going to be incapable of getting in my run tomorrow morning. Gerrrrr.

This is everything that I hate about being under prepared for this. I've been procrastinating since I got the offer, and now.... my fitness is paying for it. Which was exactly what I DIDN'T want to happen.

So this I promise. I might be in a mid-week slump, and not getting my runs and goals... but this is just one week and this is not going to be the way that things are for the rest of this month. Tonight I sat down and entered in all the last three days of calories, and I'm not going to stop that (cause I know Suzi would hurt me!). This weekend I'll be getting back on track with running, and figuring out a pattern that works for me.

Sad little time to perv on your blogs in the last few days, so I know I'm missing some interesting things. Will check on y'all soon!


Also!! Shout out to one of my commenters CactusFreak! I have been too busy to get to your blog but I will! And they suggested that I post a note about how good I feel after running so that in the mornings I have some notivation to get up and going. I LIKE IT!!!! And it shall be done.

Swass Chaff

Today was a running day, but due to Wednesdays sweaty ass chaff (Swass Chaff), from running inside on the treadmill, I decided to let my neither regions have a day in Lieu to recover.

Tomorrow morning I will do my Jan 1 run. :)

These last 2 days have been hectic. I don't feel like I've had much in the way of me time, or relaxation. We had some friends drop in unexpected for two days and we ended up giving them the full Houston tour for both yesterday and today.

Thursday we were out of the house from 12.30 until 2am with a very brief stop in to change cloths for our new years even party at around 10pm. We took them out to one of the major outlet mall places... damn I wish that I had worn my pedometer....since we were there for nearly three hours walking. My legs were dying!

Today we were up and gone at 11 this morning and finally back home tonight at 5.00pm. Phew!

The bad news is that having people to show around and being out all day means two things:

1. I did NOT drink enough water... not even close
2. we ate out WAY too much.

I am back to tracking my calories and yesterday was a crap shoot. I didn't do too badly, but I was some 600 calories over my daily allowance, not great. However, I did eat only when I was actually hungry and .....DRUM ROLL PLEASE.... left food on my plate when I was full!!!!!!!!!! Major Non Scale Victory there.

Anyway, I'm taking some time to myself right now. I'm boycotting the family dinner tonight since it is fatty, creamy, calorie laden with butter and smells horrible to me right now (crab au gratin and beef stroganoff) *barf*.

YAY BODY for knowing that what I want and need is water and a quiet place to read and relax.... me thinks its time for a hot bath.

Two Hundred and Ninty Seven

297...red balloons?
297...beers on the wall?
297...minutes until blast off?
297...lbs that I now weigh

Right... yesterday I started a post that was all... boo hoo and waaaa and I think I'm fatter and why is life so hard and *BARF* I never finished or posted it.

WHY, you ask??! Because I already knew the answer to that question, and the answer is YES... YES I AM FATTER.

Why? I have asked myself! Because I lack control- scratch that - because I do not take responsibility over what I eat, how much I am eating and combining that with the fact that I get VERY LITTLE exercise. In fact, moving to Houston has cut my general activity by 90%.

I used to walk to and from work, up and down the stairs at the office... maybe only 2 or 3 flights a day, but that is still 100% more then I am getting now. I would get groceries and carry them home, walk on the river on weekends and occasionally get to the gym.

Now... I sit all day on my ever increasing ass, grazing from the fridge and pantry as my boredom and general malaise dictates (which is frequent) as well as eating too much and too many of the wrong things. There have been oranges in the fridge for a week and I have eaten one! Not one a day, but one in a week. I will eat a jar of salted peanuts in 3 days. Why.... because there are peanuts and crackers and soup and bisquick to be made into yummy thing that "make me feel better".

Well... they aren't doing much to help my mood right now.

Today I bought a scale.

I didn't want to - because weighing in at the gym and telling myself that it was wrong was a lot more pleasant on the ego then stepping onto my new scale and seeing the number 297.8 come up.

I have now reached an all new high of 297.8lbs. So there you go... I have increased my maximum weight just over 13months ago from 281 to 297.8lbs. I guess I am going to have to take some new and more horrific pictures to adorn the top of my blog since those pictures are now my some 16lbs LIGHTER then the here and now. OMG that is depressing.

Beautiful, a gain of 16.8lbs.

In the last two months I have also noted that I have begun to have acid reflux. Coincidence... I think not.

Now I will have to become more accountable. Other then that. I just don't know what I'm going to do yet.

Crying over cookies

Yesterday I was good with water - got over 2L in... which has been a hard sell for me lately - sitting around and not doing much has made it hard to get my water in. And I did my yoga dvd as well - getting ready to get it done again today. Yoga is hard. :( haha But I'm enjoying it for sure. I do love me some Warrior pose.

Food wise... very bad. Me and the hubby are over eaters... and when one is off track the other is more then happy to jump on that wagon.

We went out for lunch to a deli and I knew that I was going to have a salad... but I ordered the Cesar (ug) and then... we shared a banana cream pie slice. WTF? Its lunch, we don't need dessert.

Then dinner was mexican nachos with queso (cheesey goodness) and I had a mango liquado (mango, ice and milk). The we stopped for some groceries and the hubby picked up some pecan/caramel cookies. I should have said no. I was full from dinner and didn't want any cookies... but when he opened them in the car, oh yes... I ate one. The last mouthful of cookie that I had in my fingers I threw out the window.

Mr. K asked what that was?? Which sparked the , "I'm so fat, why am I eating cookies" waterfall, and all that jazz. Poor guy. I'm so out of sorts from moving and of course, my crushing self loathing at the moment. I can't go out - I hate his friends seeing how gross I look, my clothing doesn't fit right. BLARG.

Anyway, this weekend we are going to do a massive kitchen clean-up and get that all in order and then we can get into cooking good foods instead of getting take out and going out to eat all the time.

Next week I'm going to start diving the hubby to work so that I can get to the gym in the mornings, and then pick him up in the afternoons. That will be a good bit more fun for me and less laying around feeling sorry for myself.

:)

okay... almost yoga time.

EDIT:

right - after procrastination via blog surfing (many thanks to Karens post on Fitcetera I sent and did my workout) I read another post from Tena about attitude adjustment (No wonder I've missed reading my fav blogs) which was the same reason that I wanted to add this.

One Good Thing..
The one good thing that I've done is no longer order pop/softdrinks/sweet tea when eating out. I always order water. Its going very well.