right...catching up Weigh In

I did weigh in on Monday however since I had been on 4 days of T3's and that does "bung" one up for *cough* four days.

Not that it was bad, on Monday I tipped the scale at 272.2 (same as last week). This morning I was 270.8lbs. So I'm going to go with today's total. I'll have to tally up the inches later - post dinner... that should be entertaining.

Eating is still difficult and I can feel all the stitches in my mouth moving around when I talk and eat... its totally GROSS! hahaha An eaters nightmare! LOL I can chew and its getting better. But I can't open my mouth very far.

Tonight I'm going out for sushi, however since I have this crater in my head I won't be partaking in the raw feesh, only the rolls and perhaps some Korean bbq things.

Generally I'm feeling pretty listless, total inactivity is like that. I walked to work today, slowly. But it was nice to get moving again. Hard to think that I used to walk a 5-7km track every night on the way home last year. I'm so NOT even close to that right now.

Frustratingly, the hubby is making leaps and bounds of exercise and weigh loss gains. I'm super proud of him and yet, also highly annoyed! ahh testosterone. Course, he has been a dedicated gym goer three days a week with his buddies and lets face it... I'm pretty much coasting with my runs and gym going. So I really can't be too upset since when you put in nothing you are going to get nothing out.

I'm just hoping for a little more regularity... no more sickness, no more surgery, no more snowfalls and blizzards. ...erm...no more excuses!

Vertical

Thanks all for the well wishes for my minor surgery. It was well... pretty major in terms of how it has wiped me out for the last 4 days. My gawds! Sedation is the way to go though... I don't remember a thing!

I've been high on T3's and eating antibiotics and a virtual all liquid/jello diet! I've been sleeping/napping and watching seasons 2 and 2.5 of Battle Star Galactia (don't judge, I'm a space nerd) and then season three of Dexer (woohoo I'm also a serial killer nerd!). So its nice to be mostly vertical now for a while.

Anyway - its been a rough few days, but I'm getting better and I think that I'll be able to go to work tomorrow - at least for most of the day if not all of it. Anyway - its been jello, ice cream and soup so it will be nice to get to chew again!

Weight in day tomorrow and I have to say that this little drug induced hiatus from the scale has been good. I'm off to bed! :)

Back in the Saddle....

Back in the saddle again. I have to say that my falls are not as far or as long as they used to be. I'm still doing better things. But I need to try harder.

Or rather. I need to get back into planning again. I'm not planning meals or exercise, my fridge is a mess, there is rotting fruit & veg in the drawers and that is really unappealing.

Tomorrow is my oral surgery... I'm really scared. I know its for the best but sedation and surgery are scary!! I'm a terrible dental patient at the best of time. I'm worried about what I might say or do while sedated. Silly eh!?

I have a friend coming to pick me up - so I have to clean the house tonight - its a mess as well. Honestly - how am I suppose to get any thing good done for myself when I can't even see the floors for all the clothes and rubbish I've strewn around.

This weekend will be a super duper spring clean up. Other then that - I had a fabulous salad for lunch, with grilled salmon. Yum! I'm barking like a seal with with cough. Its not great so I will end up missing yoga again this week since I don't want to be the evil person who gets everyone else sick and then gets lots of dirty looks post class for interrupting the meditation.

I have to say that I'm missing it. I really wish that I was well enough to go tonight, but its not fair to them, or me. So another night in for me. I'm going to make it another early one... and perhaps another hot bath!!

Thanks All for me. I'm hoping to get in and really have a good perv through all the other blogs that I've been missing out on - as well as through a few new ones that I've added.

over and out!

Fat and Sick

well.. I have to get back on the wagon here.

A weekend of debauchery left me on weigh in day at 275.2, today I was back down to 272.2lbs. I ate gross stuff, felt like rubbish, and then more cold weather and snow settled in and I didn't yoga or run on Sunday.

I'm sick again, this fluctuating spring weather always gets me. I have 2 dental appointments this week - Thursday is my surgery. Ug!

I need to get back into eating right - and its hard. I have not motivation to get out after work and shop, nothing in the house appeals.

Friday Dinner - Wendy's taco salad, potato w/sour cream & chives, large frosty
Sat Bfast - Eggs, bacon, toast, hasbrowns (out)
Sat Lunch - 2 slices pizza - pepperoni and veggie
Sat dinner - Indian take-away - Butter chicken, rice and a nan bread
Sunday bfast - home-made oatmeal pancakes
Sunday lunch - can't recall
Sunday Dinner - thin crust, double pepperoni pizza with 2 diet cokes.

yep...no wonder I'm sick. Yesterday I had a bellyache all day. I've been suffering physically from my poor eating. Its been bad enough that the thought of my pepperoni pizza is making me feel sicker.

back on it!

Friday Run!

Tonight's run was really good. 3.4km tonight.

2x 8min running, + 2min run. 1min walking between sets. It was lovely out and the run itself was less scary then I thought it would be. 8min...that seemed like it would be sooooo long, but it passed as well as six.


We added in three sets of 20 stairs (up and down) and then another 2min run on the end since we did a big loop with lots of walking at the end.


So tonight was a total of 20min of running. I was tired at the end, a good tired. I didn't have enough water today and I know I'm going to be feeling that soon. Trying to get some in me now.


Dinner was Wendy's. Taco salad with 1/2 the sour cream and 2T of the dressing. plus a baked potato with 1/2 sour cream and a frosty! YUMMY.


Tomorrow I'm going to do a run in the afternoon...or a walk. We are undecided atm

Beets!

Mighty powerful in the colour department.... that's all I'm gunna say.

Lets make a deal.....

Today before I had even left the office I had decided that I was going to eat a large thin crust double pepperoni pizza and 2 diet cokes for dinner...

I thought about it for the last half hour of work, I thought about it as I got changed to walk home, I thought about it while my co-worker was talking to me on the walk... I thought about it until I got a little closer to home.

Then I started thinking. Do I really want to get up tomorrow and know that I ate a whole large pizza to myself, and drank 2 diet cokes and feel like crap and dread getting on the scale. And then have to tell myself "how much better I'll be now to make up for it", when I know that isn't my style.

So then I started trying to find a way out..."I'll get chicken souvlaki and calamari....no....I'll stop and get crackers and soup, no I'll order more chinese food..."

So I made the ultimate deal. If I went home without stopping to get anything, I could eat WHATEVER and HOWEVER MUCH I wanted. No matter what... IF it was in my house - I could have it, but nothing else.


So here it is:

3oz cheese & 10 almonds (eaten while prepping the rest).

2 chicken breasts (sauteed in little oil and lemon pepper seasoning)
15 asparagus spears & 1/2 tsp becel

1 sweet potato & 2 small beets cut thinly and coated with 2T evoo then baked on a tray in the oven ( not long enough mind you they could have been a little crisper)* haha - re-reading this I laughed at my "evaluation" of the potato that I ate by the forkfull without any appreciation of flavor, indeed...."could have been crisper" I'm too much!

Honestly....I thought that I wouldn't feel full after this - but I certainly did. I still feel full now and this was nearly three hours ago.

I thought that I was going to eat WAY more then this because today.... I felt empty. I felt just depleted and beaten and I wanted food. I wanted to feel full, stuffed, bursting, ...ug, I can't even think of words to say for this emptiness...... I wanted that instead of tired, sad and empty.

I ate this dinner in massive gulps, just trying to fill up as fast as I could. Its strange - that need, that feeling of wanted to be filled up, yet not really need the food, but my brain telling me that this will make me feel "good".

Now I have strange feelings of remorse, and yet a feeling of a small victory as well.

I am proud that I managed to talk myself out of pizza and pop and a binge that would have been really horrid on my body and that would have most likely snowballed into a weekend long binge.

I know that chicken, sweet potatoes and asparagus (mind you with enough extra fats added - oil etc.) are not going to stay with me as long as 1lb of pepperoni and 1lbs of white bread crust would, and that there are good things in these foods, so in that sense I feel great about how I managed to weasle out of my original plan. I still hate that those thoughts can creep in and dominate my mind and that I can still eat SO BLOODY MUCH. Those are both dinner sized plates. 2 whole chicken breasts!!! Good gawd!

Anyway - thats enough beating myself up. I am proud, I managed to escaped though the best hatch that I have right now from a terrible binge that was coming on. I'm going to keep on having these kinds of moments, and I'm going to have to dealing with them.

So there we go. Today, I'm going to end with a body positive quote that I saw today that made me smile.

"A curved line is the loveliest distance between two points" - Mae West.