*shrug*

right.... I'm really really displeased. With all kinds of things but mostly with this.

296.2lbs

That is another gain this week of 1.8lbs.

I am also displeased with my current pattern:

Monday -Wednesday... food is good - going to the gym - drinking lots of water - feeling good.
Thursday through Sunday.... the bad eating starts to creep in with the "I've been good, I can eat something bad - its not going to make that big a difference" etc etc etc... and then I find myself eating out, getting poor choices for food - allowing myself to eat things that I shouldn't.

Its not fun to be this mad at myself. I'm so depressed about it that I'm not in the mood to do anything. How is that for counter-productive.

Thursday - dinner out
Friday - Poor breakfast snacks, Fried lunch (bought), Dinner care of Wendy's
Saturday - lunch out, ice cream, dinner out
Sunday - breakfast out

*Sigh* I am really not happy....NOT HAPPY

My brain is spending 90% of its energy trying to think of excuses for the gain - its salt, it that I didn't have a poo this morning, its this, its that, its everything BUT the real reason - that being I AM NOT EVEN TRYING. even though when I type that I tell myself that isn't true.

I guess I am trying, just not consistently.

Great. I just yelled at the Husband. Yeah...how dare he talk to me right now. FUUUUCK....

Anyway. Here is what else I did... Measurements. I've not done them in a long time too.

Neck: 16.5
Bust: 49
Chest: 44
Waist: 50
Hips: 53.5
R.Thigh: 26
L.Thigh: 26.5
R.Calf: 26
L.Calf: 26.5
R.Bicep: 15.5
L.Bicep: 15
Total Inches: 331

More later I guess. I need to decide what I'm going to do with myself.

and...that sucked

This week has been going from bad to worse. I've not done a lick of exercise and I'm not happy about it. I want to... but I'm not making myself do it.

Tonight - after dinner the Hubby and I set out for the track around the park to get in a little walk in the evening and jump start ourselves back into exercise. It was one of those misty kind of nights and it was quite nice. I was happy and excited to get out and get moving again.

Until a suburban pulled over on the far side of the street... it was going the wrong way down the one way road. Some kid got out... and went to the back. It looked strange... I was staring at him and he kept glancing at me...

Then I got hit with a raw egg. In the calf. Cheers erupt from the car and another one whizzes by me into the bushes. They jump in the car and take off.

I.WAS.PISSED. VERY VERY VERY VERY ANGRY. SOOOO F*****CKING ANGRY. All over my pants, my leg, my sock and my runners. ANGRY like I want to kick in the door to their car angry.

Then I get in the car and really..... all those old feelings from being a kid come back. They threw eggs at me. Of all the people that were walking there... they pick me. Because I'm fat.

WHY as a grown adult am I feeling like this. I'm pretty much done for today. I'm sullen and crying and the Husband is upset and doesn't know what to do and has no idea whats wrong I'm sure. But I just can't say these words out loud. So I will just put them here instead.

Tomorrow... will be a better day, but right now. Not so good.