Circling

Yesterday was a good day for water and given that it was our special night out for dinner, we didn’t do too badly. I’ve been fighting some very bad edema in my feet and ankles, its creeping up into my calves.

Serious damage done in youth that starts to take its toll for sure, plus last week wearing too tight shoes with heels all week pretty much did me in.

On a good note, last night for dinner we had a starter soup each, shared three appies and shared a dessert. I did also have a gin fizz and a half a gin fizz!! We ate slowly and lingered over the good stuff on our plates. When we were done I couldn’t believe how impossibly full we felt. Normally we would have plowed through so much more food!

I’ve not been getting up to do my kettle bell work, and I’ve stopped going for evening walks. Both of these have contributed to the swelling and the lack of being able to crawl my fat arse out of bed. I need a chart…with boxes to check off.

I’m really just circling right now. There are so many things to do and so many tasks that need attention that I’m really just doing nothing. Hinks Law – the more options there are the harder it is to choose.

So I did one good thing. Yesterday I requested a week off work. Monday is a stat, and I’ve taken Tuesday – Friday off. No travel, no activity, no family…. I can do whatever it is that I want and need to do that will make my life better. That is mostly going to be – clean out and re-organize the bedroom. Also – re-paint, and go through all the things that we do not need.

Or… I might not. I might just carve out some space, walk in the park, read and sew and drink coffee and just RELAX. I can’t decide. It’s a real luxury that I can’t think of ever having taken before. I’ve always had holiday with a purpose. “I need time for X or Y”. So this is going to be amazing!!

Tonight – walking
Tomorrow – kettle bells

This is written and so it shall be done!

Increments

Yesterday was better by a few degrees then the last couple of weeks and today is going to be better than yesterday.

I'm really pleased that it is Friday, I spent all week at meetings and in heels and my hips and feet are killing me. I need to get some flats bought this weekend so that I don't kill myself again. I also need to stretch more.

Okay - so breakfast was lighter than I wanted - kashi bar and a small banana, 2 cups of coffee w/ creamers. I'm going to find something green to eat for lunch and tonight is cottage cheese w/apple and whole wheat lite waffles for dinner. Going to be a good day!

Getting my water in me. Missed my first liter this morning, so I have some catching up to do.

Saturdays plan:

Walking in the park
Cleaning the clothing closests
Moving furniture
Cleaning/dusting/scrubbing/tossing/sorting/floor washing/window cleaning session

That should be enough to get me old heart pumping for one weekend!

I can do this

I can do this.

Morning Nosh:

1 Fage FF yogurt cup with blueberry
2 coffees with creamers
1L water.

30 minutes to the 11.30 lunch time... I'm not dying, I don't need to get anything between now and then. I'm going to be just fine.

Note to Self

This week and last week have been total shit and this is my notice to myself.

Eating out 2x a day every day is not good. NOT GOOD. I CAN DO BETTER.

Phoenix was great. I'm still just recovering from being sore now. It was a fabulous day, and I learned a lot. Awesomeness!

Food and Water have been terrible. I have been totally and honestly just ignoring all the signs that I'm slipping into old habits. Eating whatever, no tracking, no water, staying in bed until the last possible second.

Weight in this week. 289.5lbs Up again.

Hello in there.... do you like this? do you want this for yourself? No. Then stop being so weak minded.

I can and I will do better for myself. I will.

Chilly!!

Not a whole lot to report.

Last night I did 75 kettle bell swing. YAY ME!! Its harder than it seems.

This is what is happening in TX right now. Baltic by the standards of weather here. Happily, I'm going to spend this weekend in Pheonix... if my flight tomorrow taks off that is.

So will be incomunicado for the weekend. I can't wait.

Pants!

Had to run down 2 floors at the office this morning to get some papers... on the way down... my pants almost came right off. Seriously... I waited to see if it was going to happen and only intervened when it was imminent!

HAHA!!

Also noted... coming back UP 2 flights on the hoof was substantially easier now.

Baby Steps

Up eary this morning and knocked out 50 kettlebell swings!! YES!!

Then had .5L of water and got in the shower. I waiting an extra 30min before heading to work because of the terrible storm this morning here. +50 mile an hour gusts and sheets of rain. I don't need to be out in my car in that.

I'm feeling better today about the world and my weight loss struggles. I lay in bed yesterday thinking, what... what am I going to do? Give up? No. I have to keep on pushing forwards.

I'm still reading The End of Overeating, and there is a large section right now about habits and how rewarding behaviors create deep hard habits to break. So, I'm fighting my brain right now for dominance and frankly, its occasionally winning. BUT, so are the new habits. They are creeping in, diluting slowly the old ones.

Tena, another very awesome Texas blogger gave me an award last night. Comment queen. Now, I'm not that much of a commenter, I'm more of a lurking queen, with phases of commenting. However, I thank you very much for thinking of me Tena, you have been an awesome blog buddy and your support has been invaluable!

Here's how to play:
List 5 goals that you have/had while on your lap band journey (I have not had lapband, but I will expound for my w/l). Comment on each blog you nominate and list your top 3 nominees for the award.

Ahh Goals... my frenemy. I have had so many goals that I have done over the ages. Just recently I listed a bunch of goals that I have not even completed. I have a very sick relationship with goals, that being that no matter how low I set the bar, I seem to be able to squeeze my fat ass under it.

However, in that light here are my current list of goals that I keep in my head.

1. More water. I want to get in at least 4L if not 5+ each day. I've stopped counting so now I have no idea if I am or not.

2. Count calories and stay under my goal weight caloric intake of 2090. I've stopped counting so now I have no idea if I am or not.

3. 75 kettle bell swings on M, W and F. I have done 25 yesterday morning, and 50 this morning. I'm working my way up.

4. get up at 6.30am. I'm going to say this is a pass. I'm away at 6:30 now, and crawling out of bed at 6:45...its getting there. Last night I was awake until 11.30 and then I had to go to sleep - I couldn't manage my usual midnight stay up. Victory will be mine!

5. walk more. I've not done much walking this last week, but I'm going to get back on it. I've been spending time with the doggie, and since he can't go for walks right now, I am wanting to stay with him.

Wow....race for the bottom eh. The good news out of all of this is that, no matter what, I keep trying. I don't count all my calories, but I do count most. I've got a general idea of the water I'm drinking , but I'm not tracking every ounce.

I do need to take more care and attention for myself. This is a long and painful process, as I eliminate the things that I've accustomed to and replace them with new ones. But these 5 goals are the ones that I'm still working on and eventually, I'm going to get there!!

Onwards and downwards y'all (for you Kimberly!)